Help! What do I do?? (Long)

chrissyvcm

Alright girls, I need you here! Here's the scoop...

Mike graduates his current military program next week and just yesterday he (we) got orders. Unfortunately, the orders only cover the next 7 months of our lives, not the next few years. The orders say that he is to go to one school in GA for 3 weeks, then another school at Fort Bragg, NC for 6 months. Once he gets ready to graduate his school in Fort Bragg, then they'd give him 3-4 year orders for his ultimate duty station. The only three places that he could go are Camp Pendleton, CA (just north of San Diego, where we currently live), Camp Lejeune, NC (about 2.5 hours east of where his school will be), or Okinawa, Japan. I'm thinking it's unlikely that we'd get Japan (though I could be wrong), so that really only leaves NC vs CA.

Here's my dilemma: Do I go with him to NC or stay here in CA??

Some factors:

- I have a great job here in San Diego, that I'd have to give up

- I'd hate to move to NC just to end up back in CA in 6-7 months.

- I'd hate to stay in CA without him only to find out that he got NC for orders and I've been without him all that time, unnecessarily.

- Knowing the type of program he's in, it's likely that he'll be deployed to the middle east almost immediately after graduation, whether he's in CA or NC. Actually, that's probably just my bad luck that it'd happen that way. I've already spent the last 4 months pretty much without him. I don't want to spend 7 more months without him only  to find out that he's deploying right away for 6+ months.

- If I join him in NC and he gets stationed there permanently, then he does deploy right away, I'll be left by myself in a place where I know nobody. At least in San Diego I have a support system.

We've been in San Diego for 8 years, so it's home. It's a huge decision to up and leave, but I also hate the idea of being without my husband if I don't have to be. What would you do???

ETA: I'm also going to post this on the Military Nesties board to see what they think.

Kellybeth124

I think you're kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place. Fayettenam..er Fayetteville (where Bragg is) is about 45-60 minutes from me.

For me, I'd probably go with DH but it would be hard. What is Mike's opinion on the whole thing?

chrissyvcm

That's the other fun part, he doesn't even know about it yet!! He's out in the field and won't have access to phone/email until next week. I found out about the orders because I got them off of a govt website. I'd been checking daily, because I knew they'd pop up there before anyone told Mike.

I know Mike very, very well and I know that he'll say what he thinks is best for me...to stay here. Financially, that may be the smartest move. But emotionally/psychologically, I don't know if it's the right choice.

Once he does get out of the field, he'll have less than a week before it's time for him to leave. There will be a lot of things that we'll need to do in those few days if I am going, so I can't waste any time. Since this decision primarily effects me, it's pretty much my call (at least as far as I'm concerned).

Leigha12

If you go with him to NC now, how much time will you get to spend with him?

 This is a horrible decision to have to make.  I don't suppose you could take a sabbatical from work with the intent to return if he gets deployed or stationed in CA?

luckycooky

Leigha12:

 

 This is a horrible decision to have to make.  I don't suppose you could take a sabbatical from work with the intent to return if he gets deployed or stationed in CA?

I was just going to suggest a leave of absence for you until you have more info.  Could you try being apart for the 3 weeks he is in GA and then see how it goes? 

chrissyvcm

No, unfortunately not. As much as I know Bossman would love to have me back, it's not exactly practical. My company is very small. I'm the only person who does what I do. If I leave, someone else will come in and take over. There's no way he can hire someone, get them in the groove, then fire them to take me back. It just can't/won't happen. If I worked in a company where there were multiple people in my dept, it'd be completely different.

Leigha12

Actually, that's what temp positions are for. It's the same thing he'd have to do if you went on extended maternity leave, for example. It may be worth pitching the idea.

luckycooky

Like PP said, how much time would you actually be able to spend with him.  Would you be able to fly out say, every other weekend to see him if you stayed in CA?  (By the time you're done you would have enough frequent flier miles for a great vacation!)

chrissyvcm

luckycooky:

Like PP said, how much time would you actually be able to spend with him.  Would you be able to fly out say, every other weekend to see him if you stayed in CA?  (By the time you're done you would have enough frequent flier miles for a great vacation!)

I can definitely pitch the temp idea!

As for whether or not I'll be able to see him, that's something I still need to find out. From what I know about the school, I'm *assuming* that I will. I think it's going to be class during the day, home for dinner at night, but I'm not 100% positive.

If I stayed, we'd definitely rack up the FF miles, but it's so expensive to fly coast to coast!

Leigha12

If the case is going to be that you get to see him for dinner and go to bed with him every night, IMO, you have to go. Like you said, there is a high likelihood of deployment following his perm orders.  And you're newlyweds! You need some time together. 

But I definitely think you should pitch the temp idea to your boss.  People do it all the time. It's okay to let someone go when you come back if they know in the first place the job is only 6 months long. And in this economy, I'm sure someone would be grateful for even that.

mamie329

I'm so useless in helping, but you've definitely thought of all the scenarios and pros/cons. To me, even though I'm want you on the East Coast, I can see where it makes sense to stay in SD financially and because it is "home."

 

((hugglez))

keb270

I honestly don't have advice for you. I personally followed DH when he moved somewhere else and it was right for me, but it doesn't mean the same for other people. You really have looked at all angles, it comes down to what will make you happy now.

hawkilady

I would go unless it was financially impossible.  I dont think I could stay by myself in CA knowing he would be home every night alone too.  I think I would rather take a pay cut and find another job than fly every few weeks (you could afford a decent pay cut if you factor in the savings for plane tix plus the cost of living is considerably cheaper in NC.) 

It's a tough situation... hopefully Mike is supportive either way and you guys can figure out a solution.

angelfire0412

Wow Chrissy, this is a really difficult position to be in. Ugh.

Honestly though, I feel that right now, with the information you have, it's probably best to stay put in Cali. Let him do his thing in Ga and NC, then you can always revisit it 7 months from now. Seven months isn't really that long in the big scheme of things. My dad was in the Middle East for six months and it super sucked, but didn't make sense for us to move with him. Yeah, it blew at the time, but wasn't that big of a deal in the long run.

If you didn't have your great job there in Cali, I would probably advise differently, but it would honestly be such a travesty to give it up only to come back in less than a year. Plus you can come over this way and meet up with KB and I

LarkNow

hawkilady:

I would go unless it was financially impossible.  I dont think I could stay by myself in CA knowing he would be home every night alone too.  I think I would rather take a pay cut and find another job than fly every few weeks (you could afford a decent pay cut if you factor in the savings for plane tix plus the cost of living is considerably cheaper in NC.) 

It's a tough situation... hopefully Mike is supportive either way and you guys can figure out a solution.

A day late here, but I thought this was excellent advice.  Then I read Angelfire's and hers was great, too.  I think I'm just biased because I want to move out of California.  I always imagined myself living in all different places around the country until I finally got old and settled.

Is that what you imagined for yourself?  Or did you imagine staying in California always?  I think that will help to tell you whether to stay or not.