Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
--Please help--
My best friend is a lesbian- we have known each other for over 15 years and are the closest of friends. She has had so many failed relationships and always seemed to align herself with women that took advantage of her and never treated her the way she deserved- now she has this wonderful girl who i love to pieces and is the perfect match for my best friend.
Problem is- since my BF has 'come out' she makes it a point to CONSTANTLY bring up that she is gay. I don't know why she does this- it doesn't in the LEAST bother me about her lifestyle. I told her from day one that i support her and love her.
She constantly brings up her homosexuality- in conversations. It is like she is trying to prove to herself that it is ok. She even made a big deal out of buying my new daughter a rainbow onesie and said she HAD to get her something 'gay' for my baby shower. i found this unappropriate-
I accept her- why does she keep doing this?
Any thoughts?
how do i bring this up with her-?
Re: --Please help--
What did you find unappropriate the "gay" comment or the onsie?
Sounds to me like she is really enjoying her new self freedom...and it sounds to me like you arent as OK with it as you'd like to believe.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
I think I need to know more about HOW she brings up being gay to really respond to this. Is it in passing (eg, I'm going out w/ Sally this weekend)? It is political (eg, It makes me so mad politican X doesn't support gay marriage)? It is Coming-Out-esque?
Also, what did you find inappropiate about the onsie? The fact it was rainbow, or the fact she pointed out it was "gay"?
You say that this has been happening since she came out - which makes me think that this is a fairly recent thing?
Coming to terms with one's sexuality and coming out are huge steps. In my experience, it's very common when someone first comes out (to themselves or to others), to talk about being gay a lot. You have to remember that coming out is a huge deal - your friend is probably feeling a lot of things at once. She's probably experiencing a huge amount of relief and happiness for finally being able to be herself. She's also may be unsure of exactly what it mean for her identity to be gay - many of us go through a long process of self discovery before we learn what being gay means to us.
She's getting used to being a lesbian just as you are getting used to her identity (as a side note, the term "lifestyle" is considered offensive - there is nothing alternative about my style of life. I go to work and come home to my spouse and have dinner and watch tv just like you).
Also - ask yourself if your friend is really bringing it up all the time - or if you just feel like she is because you are not used to it. As ctbride said above - being gay is a huge part of our lives - it is part of our identity. Try to be patient with your friend and pay attention to just how often it really is.
If you still really, truly think it is a problem - talk to her. Tell her that you kind of feel like since she came out it's all gay, all the time. Remind her that you fully support her, you just want her to remember that she's is still the same person, and doesn't have to change to be gay.
As another side note - I don't know what is inappropriate about a rainbow onsie. Would you find it inappropriate if a friend who is a football fan bought your child a onsie with a football on it? It's just a onsie. Chill.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
No the comments are inappropriate- making comments about how her jaw is always hurting, etc. These are comments i would find inapproprate for a heterosexual couple as well as a gay couple.
she came out of the closet over 10 years ago.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
As for the onesie- as i said in my initial post it was the constantly bringing it up and bragging that she needed to have something 'gay' at my babyshower. she went on and on for like ten minutes and had to be very vocal to all my friends and family/hers as well-- about the 'rainbow' onesie. if she didn't point it out i would have not even thought twice about it. I could care less about it. but it is the bringing it up constantly that is bothering me. I don't bring up that i am straight and i don't talk about what i do behind my bedroom door.
I don't bring up that i am straight and i don't talk about what i do behind my bedroom door.
Again, this is not a gay issue. This is a friendship issue - not a gay or straight issue. If a friend is constantly talking about something you don't want to hear (whether it be their sex life, b*tching about their job, or going on and on about how their baby is the cutest and smartest baby alive) - you talk to them about it.
You have come to board of LGBT people to ask, "How do I get my friend to shut up about being gay and having gay sex?"
Well, we have no idea.
The Same-Sex Households board does not hold the answer for you. Your friend isn't talking like this because she is gay, it sounds like she just has the sort of personality where she shares way too much and likes the attention.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
