Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Limbo - Very long!!
Hey ladies,
Need some advice if you please... this is going to be long.
Got married a month ago. It was fantastic. Absolutely the best day of our lives. We are now trying to decide what to do with the next stage of our life. Yes we want kids, and a bigger house and all that ofcourse, and we both have good careers paths but we dont know where to live this next stage of our life. She is Scottish and I am American. We currently live just outside Glasgow and Edinburgh in Scotland and have been living here together our whole relationship of 7 years now and we are both 28.
** NOTE : Please please dont think just because we live in Scotland this is some sort of romantic European place. It is what it is and it rains alot and sun doesnt shine often and its NOT America where everything is the best it can be. However on the other hand it is not all that horrible either and I have enjoyed my 7 years here. ***
Anyhow we are madly in love with each other, but at the same time love our families (her's is here and mine is in the States) and our countries.
Basically we have been planning to go back to the States for a year now and she even had a job over there but we couldn?t sell our house over here and it all got too hectic with the wedding so we decided to let the offer go and just put the move on hold until after the wedding and after we could figure something out with the house. We were going to do an international move 4 weeks after the wedding!!! LOL However if the darn house had just sold before the wedding we would be in the States right now.
This is a very complicated situation as there are so many factors but I will try and list some so you can get a clearer picture and hopefully give me some advice if you can.
- neither one of us is tided down to a job at the moment and can probably pretty easily get a job in the states or here. Im in IT and she is a teacher.
-we own a house (that we can?t currently sell) but dont really have any other responsibilities at the moment
-we have to move out of our current house because we have totally outgrown it and need something bigger no matter where we stay.
-life in general is better in the states
-living is more affordable in the states
-we have a good community of friends and family who really support us in Scotland.
- my family in the States is very supportive but my immediate family doesnt at all support us. None of my immediate family (mom,dad and 3 bothers) was at our wedding.
-we want to start a family very soon
Anyone else having this problem with having to choose between two countries or even states? Anyone having to choose between her family or yours? How did you decided?
Right now I feel like we could really go anywhere but we just dont know how to decide.
We have tried to weight out all the options and honestly they are about even. Ahhh it is so frustrating because we hate being in this limbo period and not being able to really plan of anything.
Come on girls help us out here.
Sorry this is so long!
Re: Limbo - Very long!!
two true thanks...yes we have totally thought about renting but my wife doesnt like the idea as she is worried that someone is going to destroy our house and she is worried about something happening to the house while we are over there and not being able to deal with a problem with it while we away. I totally know we would easily be able to rent it out in a few weeks because we live in a very nice house and I have already tested the waters to see if that is a possibility. She just doesn?t want the house hanging over our heads while we are all the way over there. We disagree on the subject because I totally know we can get a good management company that will take care of all of it for us but she is really staying firm with not renting it out. Maybe I will approach her about it again and see if I can somehow ease her mind on the subject.
You second question is very good. I probably should have put that down as one of my pros on staying here. The UK in the next few month or maybe it has already gone into law are allowing for any child that is a product from our marriage to automatically have both our names as the parents. In fact we are going to meet with the baby doctor at the end of this month and she has already told my wife that they will "sort us" out with getting pregers. I think it will defo be alot easier to start a family here. However if you ask if raising a child here is any easier I would probably have a different answer. However even though I think it would be easier to have immediate parental rights here I dont think that should really be apart of our decision because I would imagine although not 100% certain that right should carry through no matter where we are as we are married in the UK and my wife is British so our child would be ours as long as we have a British birth certificate.