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Bullies (Long)
Ok, so my 9 year old nephew just started back at school again and was SO excited and looking forward to it.
Bit of background on my nephew (Cody). He lives in a single parent household. There's my sister, him and his little brother. My sister doesn't work and really has to budget on everything to make ends meet. My nephew is the sweetest, most big-hearted kid you'd ever meet. Sure, he doesn't get a lot, material-wise, and there's a lot of times that his home life isn't stable (they've had to move a lot over the past three years etc) but....he is happy with the little he DOES get.
He's also a very sensitive kid, that goes hand-in-hand with his big-hearted ways.
Well, today, he goes off to school, excited to be seeing his friends again etc. Some bully of a kid decides to beat him up. Cody gets kicked in the shins 5 times, punched in the eye (resulting in a black eye), a stick is thrown at his face etc etc. He came home with scratches on his face from the stick being thrown at him and a black eye.
He told my sister that he went and spoke to the teacher about it and the teacher told him that he/she didn't want to hear about it as the bully was already in trouble for beating another kid. Cody told my sister, with an understanding look on his face, that the kid apparently has 'temper issues' and has trouble controlling himself.
My sister is going down to the school tomorrow and paying out hardcore on the teacher for responding the way he/she did and also to ask what action will be taken against this child.
Man, I'm so against physical discipline for my own kids but my hand is just itching to backhand this little bastard of a kid that bullies innocent kids. Then again, some bullies come from households that do the same thing anyway.
BAH! I'm so angry right now! Cody is SUCH a beautiful kid and he has to deal with his first day at school being ruined by such a little a$$hole.
Re: Bullies (Long)
That's terrible that had to happen.
My advice.....don't go to the teacher about this, go to the principal. Not that I'm defending the teacher....it sounds like she made a bad choice about this. But, unless the incident actually happened in the classroom under the teacher's supervision, there is probably very little she can do about it. (Not that that makes her reaction appropriate....she should have referred the incident to to principal right away) Parents come to me all the time about what is happening to their child on the playground or after school. It's not that I don't care, but I simply cannot control what happens outside of my supervision. And legally, I usually cannot punish a child for what they do outside of my care. The principal, on the other hand, is responsible for what happens anywhere on school grounds, and has the authority to discipline appropriately. There should be a school policy in place for bullying, and the teacher should have talked to the principal about what the next step would be. In my school, that level of bullying would probably result in a one-day suspension. Again, though, I don't have the authority to issue a suspension, that has to come from the principal. If it were me, I'd go there first.
oh may gawd. so sorry this happene. poor Cody! i would be totally pissed too. i hope that little punk gets reprimanded.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
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This makes me so mad! And so sad at the same time! Poor little Cody :-(
He sounds like an awesome kid with lots of forgiveness in his heart.
Poor Cody! I really hope that either the teacher or principal can do something. Cody shouldn't have to deal with that!
Sorry you're hurting for him!
Married Bio
I DO wonder, with bullies, what their home life is like...if there's a lot of violence.
Good advice re. going to the principal. My sister might have thought of that...I'm not sure. She's going in today so I'll give her a call and suggest that to her.
Bullies scare me, when it comes to them bullying innocent kids/teenagers. We've had too many kids (in Victoria, Aus at least) commit suicide because they were repeatedly bullied. From the top of my head, I can think of 6 -7 kids over the past 5 years (well, the cases that were reported in the media anyway).
One of the kids was as young as 11.
I asked my sister a week ago if she should try again with getting Cody into martial arts as an after-school thing but apparently he's not interested. She's going to try again in the near future and see if he changes his mind.
Maya and this little one on the way are definitely going to do martial arts training (mixed martial arts, not just one style). I trained in taekwondo from the age of 10 to 16, getting my black belt at 15 and I found it SO beneficial with my way of thinking AND physically.
Josh and I think martial arts training is just as important as a school education. When it comes to bullies, we want Maya and bub # 2 to be well equipped to deal with them physically, emotionally and mentally.
You know, I don't know if there's a link or not. I think in some cases there is, and in other cases there's not. I watched a documentary on it once, and while in some of the situations you went, "Yeah, that kid has an effed up home environment," in some others the parents of the bully were just as distraught as the parents of the kid being picked on because they just really didn't know what was making their child act like that and didn't know what to do about it. But I don't know how common that is.
Yeah, that's why I wonder. I have seen bullies that appear to not have fallen far from the apple tree and I've heard of some bullies that, for the most part, have really good parents who just as perplexed and upset that their child is bullying other kids.
It's such a HUGE problem at schools. I mean, there were bullies when I was a kid and there always has been bullies. Maybe the rise in it is due to population increase, exposure to more violence etc.
I laugh now because, when I was at school, whenever another kid wanted to insult me or 'go at me', they did it from a veryyyy large distance lol. They knew I was training in martial arts and they would shout from afar things like "You think you're SO tough, Ms Karate Girl. Come on, do your karate kicks on ME!" but they would never come anywhere near me lol.
I would just smile, shake my head and roll my eyes.
However, one really big girl thought it was appropriate to 'sic' her smaller friend on me. The three of them (one boy, two girls) cornered me, my sister and my friend at a park once and, for an hour, the big girl kept trying to get me to fight her smaller friend. I kept refusing and repeating that I didn't want to fight.
Of course, my little sister came out with "She knows Taekwondo, you know. Don't mess with her!" Oh gawd lol.
So, it kept going and going and I kept refusing. Then suddenly, the smaller friend must have got sick of it and decided to put an end to the pressure to fight. She ran at me and, before I could even think about it, my foot shot out in a front kick and collected her under the neck/chin area. She fell back, stunned and maybe a little winded.
Me, just as stunned, turned and started walking home, leaving the older bully and her friends wondering wtf just happened. My sister and friend followed me and were the only ones to see me cry when I rounded the corner and powerwalked home lol.
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
I wonder what's causing the increase as well. Or at least, it SEEMS like there's an increase...maybe it's just more publicized now? I really don't know. There were certainly bullies when I was a kid...especially since I was one of the "poor" kids at a fairly nice private school (that my mom scrimped and saved to send us to) who had to wear hand-me-down dresses from my older sister, etc. I was never physically hurt, but the other girls were sometimes very, very cruel. It probably didn't help that I was also a very polite child and did excellently in school, so all the teachers liked me. When we moved to a rural area, I was actually relieved about homeschooling because I didn't want to have to deal with mean girls again!
So, I teach 13-14 year olds, which is the prime age for bullying... and I have a class which has a good 4-5 physical bullies in it and a group of girls that are emotional bullies. It's the most f-ed up dynamic ever. And you know, I've had round table interventions with parents of those kids... two of the sets are great (but ineffective), and two of them believe I (and the rest of the school) are making the whole thing up, that we're exaggerating and that we ought to be sued for false liable.
Unfortunately, bullying is a really hard thing to prove. I keep tracking sheets of every little incident I see, but it's practically impossible to expel students these days. And realistically, if they're at the point where they're bullying, getting suspended is like a badge of honour.
I have a student who I KNOW is going to snap one day (because of bullying) and bring a knife or gun into school. Everyone knows it, and yet we do not have the resources (ie. therapy) to deal with it. I was just talking to some of his other teachers about it and we're all pulling our hair out.
Alyson & Phil | Planning Bio | Married Bio!
Dates & Quinces Blog
Oh Kaesha, yeah that's frustrating, isn't it! I'm SO glad that you take it so seriously, keeping a running log of the incidents and not just turning a blind eye to it and placing it in a 'too hard' basket.
Kids are cruel, that's for sure. I think most of us have dealt with it as kids ourselves. Little things from our names, to what we look like, wear, perceived economic status (like in Lisa's case), the works...it all gets put under a magnifying glass by other kids.
I find the emotional bullying a little worse and girls can be quite good at that.
This student you're worried about in particular...is there any way to bring positive role models into his life, take him under their wing etc? Like a Big Brother kind of deal? Have you spoken to his family and, if so, how receptive are they to outside help? Sometimes, having someone like that to lean on and support kids like this makes a lot of difference.
Oh and this: "And realistically, if they're at the point where they're bullying, getting suspended is like a badge of honour." is, sadly, very true!I can SO relate to this!
I think sometimes I was tempted to...'dumb myself down' a little (or at least pretend to 'side with the students against the teachers') but i never really went with it as it felt so false.
This is a bit off topic but there was a period where, after my parents bought a house and I had to move, yet again, to another school. I had had enough of being the new girl and I refused to extend myself, yet again, in order to make a new network of friends. I just withdrew socially. I was around 15 and I just turned to my schoolwork instead of making friends.
Needless to say, I had a stellar year, academically-speaking but, man, was I mixed-up emotionally lol.
Oh and my sister went down to the school yesterday morning to speak with the vice principal. It was beneficial in that the VP was very receptive to the infomation, talked to Cody about the incident and reinforced him in a positive way (telling him that she was very glad that he did the right thing by telling adults etc).
So, it's being looked into and there will be some action taken. My sister and the VP don't know which teacher told Cody that 'he/she didn't want to hear about it' but I'm sure Cody will point the teacher out soon enough. If not, I think the VP will just address the teachers, as a group, about bullying (and how to respond to it when they see a student become a victim of it) at their next meeting.