BR: Controversial Cry It Out-- your thoughts?

vanceandlori

First of all, I know that this is a very controversial topic, but I'm just curious what everyone's thoughts are about it. I know that some might have to read up about it a little, but here's a link that sort of outlines it:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc

(I didn't know that you had to wait until 4 months to try it)

So... tell me ladies (not necessarily only mama's), are you "for" this method? Why/why not? Have your thoughts about it changed now that you're a mama?

redshoegirl

I'm not a mama quite yet, so take my opinion with a grain of salt! I'm not a big fan of the cry it out method - I can see the logic, but it just seems kind of mean, you know?

On the other hand, after speaking to quite a few mothers about this, I think it's something that does work for some babies - so although in general I'm not a fan, I do know a couple of women who have said that nothing (absolutely nothing) worked except letting their little one CIO. So it may depend on the personality of the baby?

MrsNJSwimmer

I haven't read this yet, but I have learned that his crying for 15 seconds seems like 15 minutes to me... so I'm not sure I can do this.  I know some people as well who have said this is the only thing that's worked for them. 

SBMBride406

Marino is 19 months old and we still don't let him CIO. Part of this may be that when were in the NICU, the doctors drilled in our heads that CIO is not for preemies (they can't spare the energy/oxygen). His prematurity is moot in this regard now, of course. When he was 12.5 months and still not sleeping through the night, we did some modified sleep training, where we slept in his room with him. We let him cry, but he could see we were there. If he got totally hysterical, we would comfort him for a sec and go back and lay down where he could see us. At that age it was a seperation anxiety thing, and the method we used was really effective (and we were able to eventually move out of his room). At 4 months, if a baby is screaming, there is a reason IMO, and even if it needs comforting, so be it. Does anyone look back on their life and think "Gosh, I wish I hadn't wasted all that time comforting my infant?"

At this age, he still only sleeps through the night sometimes, and I still don't just let him cry. I guess we all have our own tolerance levels, and my baby calling out for me is not something I can ignore. Whenever I post on FB about Marino not sleeping, I get lots of snarky comments about how I need to let him cry, or "send him to my house, I'll have him sleeping in 3 days." To each their own, but CIO is not for me.

mie

I was against it before I had children, but my opinion has changed.  I used it a few times with my oldest when she was almost a year old.  I sometimes consider using it with my younger child now, but it's just not possible as she's in her crib in our room.

mrspresley

I don't know about other babies but I can tell you that I can differentiate the different kinds of cries that A has.  there's really really mild "crying" which is really just fussing if you ask some people...then there's what I consider regular crying...and then they're hysterical crying that escalates to what sounds like wailing!!  she also does this pathetic little wimper/cry that isn't very loud but is what I consider equivalent to or at a higher level than her hysterical crying.

now if she is just fussing there are times when I just let her be... not really during the day b/c it usually means she is hungry or is tired and needs a nap....but if she does it shortly after i've put her down in her crib, i find that sometimes it is just her fighting the sleep. when i watch her on the monitor, sometimes i'll see her trying to move her arms around inside the swaddle, or i'll see her rolling back and forth slightly in her swaddle... after a little bit of this, she seems to "settle" and just goes to sleep (she was sleepy but awake when i put her down in the first place.)

now if her fussing escalates to what i consider "regular crying" after i put her down, i will go and pick her up right away.  it usually means that she is gassy and needs to burp and i just didn't get it all out after she nursed...i burp her and she goes right back to sleep...or it means she just isn't ready for bed yet...but sometimes just picking her up and calming her will cause her to fall back asleep too.  if she has been sleeping for hours and starts crying, then it means one of two things....(1) she woke up and is hungry and i need to get up to feed her or (2) she startled herself in her sleep and is crying.  so i always let her cry in this case, for a minute or so (seems like an eternity) to see if she will go back to sleep.  sometimes it's only 15 seconds and she is back asleep but sometimes she'll cry as long as a minute before going back to sleep. it feels like forever, but I personally don't see anything wrong with letting her cry in that situation to see if I need to get up.

and hopefully if i've gotten to her soon enough, we never have to hear the wailing cry. sometimes she will have such bad gas she will cry like this, and it seems like i can't get her to burp soon enough.  i am pretty certain that babies that have to CIO go through this stage of crying and i think it'd be really hard to let them cry like that...but like Lisa said, i have read from many parents about how they tried everything and nothing worked but the CIO method...they always say the 1st night is the hardest where they cry the most...then the second night they only cry a few minutes and then the next night they go to sleep right away.  so, i think it really depends on the baby. 

thankfully we have been able to get A to STTN (5-6 hours) since about 6 weeks so we haven't had to try CIO...  I did start working with her early on, though, putting her in the crib sleepy but awake and doing a modified "fuss it out" as i like to call it I am so happy I did b/c it is so much easier than those early days where I would have to hold her until she was fast asleep and pray that she wouldn't wake when I set her down in the crib. now i can just set her down when she is groggy and she will sleep!

myday1708

mrspresley:

I don't know about other babies but I can tell you that I can differentiate the different kinds of cries that A has.  there's really really mild "crying" which is really just fussing if you ask some people...then there's what I consider regular crying...and then they're hysterical crying that escalates to what sounds like wailing!!  she also does this pathetic little wimper/cry that isn't very loud but is what I consider equivalent to or at a higher level than her hysterical crying.

now if she is just fussing there are times when I just let her be... not really during the day b/c it usually means she is hungry or is tired and needs a nap....but if she does it shortly after i've put her down in her crib, i find that sometimes it is just her fighting the sleep. when i watch her on the monitor, sometimes i'll see her trying to move her arms around inside the swaddle, or i'll see her rolling back and forth slightly in her swaddle... after a little bit of this, she seems to "settle" and just goes to sleep (she was sleepy but awake when i put her down in the first place.)

now if her fussing escalates to what i consider "regular crying" after i put her down, i will go and pick her up right away.  it usually means that she is gassy and needs to burp and i just didn't get it all out after she nursed...i burp her and she goes right back to sleep...or it means she just isn't ready for bed yet...but sometimes just picking her up and calming her will cause her to fall back asleep too.  if she has been sleeping for hours and starts crying, then it means one of two things....(1) she woke up and is hungry and i need to get up to feed her or (2) she startled herself in her sleep and is crying.  so i always let her cry in this case, for a minute or so (seems like an eternity) to see if she will go back to sleep.  sometimes it's only 15 seconds and she is back asleep but sometimes she'll cry as long as a minute before going back to sleep. it feels like forever, but I personally don't see anything wrong with letting her cry in that situation to see if I need to get up.

and hopefully if i've gotten to her soon enough, we never have to hear the wailing cry. sometimes she will have such bad gas she will cry like this, and it seems like i can't get her to burp soon enough.  i am pretty certain that babies that have to CIO go through this stage of crying and i think it'd be really hard to let them cry like that...but like Lisa said, i have read from many parents about how they tried everything and nothing worked but the CIO method...they always say the 1st night is the hardest where they cry the most...then the second night they only cry a few minutes and then the next night they go to sleep right away.  so, i think it really depends on the baby. 

thankfully we have been able to get A to STTN (5-6 hours) since about 6 weeks so we haven't had to try CIO...  I did start working with her early on, though, putting her in the crib sleepy but awake and doing a modified "fuss it out" as i like to call it I am so happy I did b/c it is so much easier than those early days where I would have to hold her until she was fast asleep and pray that she wouldn't wake when I set her down in the crib. now i can just set her down when she is groggy and she will sleep!

Wow. All of this. Exactly.

I let Alexa "fuss" when I put her down or she wakes in the night because usually she just settles and goes to sleep. (I usually put her down awake) However, when that fussing turns into crying after a minute or so of watching her on her monitor, then I go to her and pick her up.

I don't always feed her. It depends on the time and whether I think enough time has elapsed since her last feeding b/c I don't want her to think every time she cries and I come to her, she'll get to eat. Sometimes it's what J said, it's just a burp that needs to get out and she passes right back out.

When she gets to the WAIL cry, her whole body shakes and she gets so worked up that I think she cries because she is so worked up. Tears streaming down her face, heaving, It takes a lot just to settle her down.  

Alexa has pretty much been an easy to predict textbook baby so I feel like at this point (5 mo next week) if she's crying there is a reason. Plus she sleeps pretty well, 6-10 hrs. If she's having sleep problems when she's older then I might revisit the idea, but for now I just can't let her CIO!