MIL Mini-Vent

Kellybeth124

Sorry to piggyback on Keb's post but this just irked me today. Usually I get along just fine with my MIL but there are moments when I get annoyed, especially re: money. I received an invitation to DH's cousin's baby shower. Obviously, MIL and SIL are going to be invited as well. I called MIL to make plans to go with her and SIL since the shower is in their hometown. FIL's b-day is also that week so we decided to do a lunch for FIL and then the girls could all go to the shower that afternoon. Sounds great, kills 2 birds with 1 stone for me and we only have to drive to Burlington once (it's about 1.5 hours away).

She calls back a few minutes later and says, "I just had the best idea! Why don't the three of us go in together on a gift. We can each just spend $10 and get something that's $30. That way you don't have to spend much money." It is her nature to go out of her way to keep her kids from buying/paying/spending ANYTHING. She's extremely frugal and I get that, but sometimes it's outright cheap and she pushes that onto us. 

I am not comfortable showing up to this shower having spent only $10 on a gift. I know for a fact this cousin spent at least $30 on a hand painted picture frame she gave us as a wedding gift. Not only that, but she designed my bridal shower invitations for free since she's a graphic designer and they were really nice.

I told MIL that I'd look over the registry and get back to her. After looking, I decided on a $35 gift from Target and ordered it on my own. I'm going to grit my teeth when MIL tells me that I spent way too much. I hate that spending any money is SUCH a big deal in their family.

LarkNow

At first I was going to say "Who cares?  It's a distant cousin." but then when I read all of the nice things this cousin has done for you, I absolutely think you made the right decision.  If your MIL makes a big deal about it, I would tell her that because this person has done so much for you, you wanted to do something nice for her.  Who can argue with that?

Kellybeth124

Thanks for the validation. I'm lame and need it sometimes. I get really irritated when someone tries to override my personal choice in gift selection, etc. but I'm not always sure how to handle it when it's my MIL. DH doesn't get my discomfort level since it's something he's dealt with all his life.

mamie329

I offer my validation too, K(ex-B). 

Dealing with the MIL is a hard line to balance. You don't want to offend them, yet you don't want to establish a precedent of doing things her way while going against your beliefs.  

luckycooky

I probably would have done the same thing.  The amount you spend should be based on your financial ability as well as your relationship with the person.   

hawkilady

I agree I think you did the right thing.  I have a lot of family members who do group gifts that way too and it drives me crazy on the giving and the receiving end. 

keb270

I think you totally did the right thing. If MIL gives you sh*t about it, I would just explain that you wanted to get something nice for her since she was so helpful in your wedding planning. I wouldn't have been comfortable with only $10 either.