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Would you butt in or stay out?
Ha! I feel like you ladies are my go to for all advise lately!
FSIL is getting married to BIL in the spring and her shower is later this month. FSIL's mom planned the entire shower, even though MIL and I offered help on several occasions. She just kept saying that she had everything under control.
So now, MIL called me tonight and asked if I was invited to the shower. What? Apparently, FSIL's mom didn't really share any details about the shower with MIL and when MIL asked if FSIL's mom wanted to know who needed to be invited from our side, she just said no.
So now she (and I) feel weird. We don't know who's invited and who's not invited. We don't know if we're supposed to have our own shower or just let it go. MIL asked that question to FSIL's mom and she just said she didn't know and could do whatever she wanted. FSIL's mom is really friendly from what I understand but this is just an odd situation. They are jewish so I'm also not sure if this is just a cultural thing that I don't know about. When I had my bridal and baby showers, MIL and my mom & sisters all worked together to plan them.
So what do you think I (or we) should do in this situation? Stay out of it? Say something else to FSIL's mom? Talk to FSIL? (I don't want to stress her out). MIL said she didn't want to bring it up with FSIL's mom anymore because she felt like FSIL's mom was so abrupt with her when she asked her if she wanted to know who to invite on our side. Should I stay out of this? I half feel like it's none of my business and I half feel like I should help sort this out.
Re: Would you butt in or stay out?
I think if you have a good relationship with FSIL you should talk to her. Maybe approach her like as if you just want to know who was invited so you don't accidently slip and say something in front of someone that wasn't on the guest list. It does sound really odd and if you and your MIL want to do something for the bride too you'll need to clarify.
FWIW - my jewish friends don't have showers. But I don't know if that is a cultural or family thing.
I believe with both of the above, which doesn't help! LOL
I think maybe ask FSIL as J suggested, and if she won't open up, and that shower is soon enough, then you could always do a 2nd one. Or maybe your brother could ask?
Good luck - tough situation to be in!
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I would talk to your FSIL if you feel comfortable doing so.
I know showers aren't supposed to be 'planned' by the bride, but imo it's only courteous to keep everyone advised of what's going on. It's possible that she may want a smaller shower, in which case it would make sense to have 2 (one for each side) if she's open to that. Who knows if this is the case, or if her mom is just clueless/being weird.