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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Advice needed, how to be kind about this.
My MIL always seems to buy food for us when she goes shopping. I don't know why she does it, but I will admit it is a nice gesture. She lives close by, but we see her maybe once every month or two. So everytime I see her, she sends us home with something, even if I nicely say thank you but no thank you. These foods are also not the healthiest and I really try to only eat the the free range meats, whole wheat pastas, and more.
What can I do?
Re: Advice needed, how to be kind about this.
Well, there's two ways to deal with this:
1. Suck it up, donate the food to a food pantry and don't stir the pot.
My in laws do the same thing- they send us back home with literally candy bars, bags of Doritos- the worst possible junk food and crap you can imagine. I let it go for three years and then I finally had to say something. Which was:
2. The next time she does it, you can send her a nice thank you note for the food, and then say something along the lines of "We so appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity every time. As you may or may not know, we have been trying to change our lifestyle to fit what is best for us and that includes eating free range meats, whole wheat pastas, more fruits and vegetables, etc. While we always feel so blessed that you think of us, we just wanted to give you a heads up that we are attempting to stock our pantry with healthy deliciousness- can't wait to have you and the family over for a nutritious dinner!"
Or somethign along those lines.
I really like Apple's wording for the second option, but I know how hard that is to actually do!
How long has this been going on? I know that my MIL definitely took note over time of how I ate, but I think she was pretty perceptive.
If its unhealthy, can you just casually say "oh thanks but we've decided to really stick to a healthy diet! thanks for thinking of us though"? Its a lot harder when its meat. Do you spend a lot of time with them? I would try working free range into a conversation sometime when it comes up.
Yeah, that's why it took me THREE YEARS to actually do it- I couldn't get up the courage! LOL!
my MIL works at Walmart and often buys us the discounted "treasures" that she finds. I'm not going to say anything because I know she enjoys doing it... even though it regularly gets donated to food pantries or is sold at rummage sales.
We did eat the entire bag of KitKats she sent though. That was too hard to pass up.
The has been going on every month or two for the last three years. At the end of the day, it is not a huge deal, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. My H is not as keen on these healthy food changes, but I still cook what I want and he eats what I cook
I like the idea of keeping what I want and then donating the other items. I do eat badly from time to time, but when I am at home I make the effort. Maybe because she doesn't come over often at all, that is why she does it?
My ex-in-laws were a Costco family (meaning many of them worked at corporate) and shopped there, so they'd give us lots of stuff even though we saw them often. I loved it. Hey, we have too much olive oil, take a bottle! Um, ok!
What about complimenting things she serves/buys/gives you that you do like? You could see if you could shift her purchasing trends!
I would try mentioning things about what you like and don't like in a different context.
Like, "hey, MIL, we just tried this great new recipe. It used whole wheat pasta. It was so good, you'd like it. And, WW pasta is actually so much better, I think I might try using it more often in things."
If she doesn't get the hint, just donate what you don't want.
My MIL does this not with food, but pretty much with everything else.
Cleaning supplies (Zout, OMG) awful loud plastic toys, the ugliest clothes you have ever seen, etc.
One year she got me these giant turquoise earrings. Dh told her I don't like big jewelry, so the next year she got me another pair of turquiose earrings, less huge than the first ones but still a good 1/2" across.
At that point I gave up. I just send all the crap straight to Goodwill. She isn't going to change, the only thing I can change is my stress level about the situation!
I can't stop the flow of goods from Walmart. Between my mom and her mom, the junk keeps coming. I can talk straight to my mom, so I asked her to stop. But when she gives me that sheepish look, I know she's about to give me something from my gramma. Not planning on setting gram straight any time soon, so I donate 99% of it. Plastic junk toys to charity, food to the foodbank.
But I do like the idea of starting a convo with your MIL about the stuff you like and the changes you are making.
I agree with pp to try to work you new habits into conversation, but not necessarily at the same time when she is trying to give you something.
For example, my parents always would get DH and me plastic trinkety (is that a word?) crap when they would go on vacation. On my last vacation, I bought a cool bag from a grocery store close to where we were staying as my trip "souvenir." I made sure to tell my mom about the bag I got and how Dh and I are really into buying cool, useful things from places we visit instead of stuff that is going to just collect dust.
It worked like a charm! They just got back from their vacation and brought me a really cute reusable grocery bag!