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Bridal Shower Questions- Etiquette related
My sister just got engaged (YAY!) and has asked me to be her MOH, but here is the dilemma- her soon to be husband is military and probably deploying next January and they want to get married this May because he has two weeks off. So...problem one- not much time....problem two- our family is in GA & CA, his family is in KY, they are getting married in KY, so it is going to be a small wedding just family really. So I want to throw her a shower, but I know its rude to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding, and I don't want it to look like we are being greedy and just asking all these people for gifts, but I want to do something special for her. (I got married last summer and she was a great MOH!) And...lastly my cousin is getting married in March (in CA), so we don't want to ask too much of them. Obviously the wedding isn't ideal timing for everyone, but it is for them and that's what matters..Ok if anyone is still following this crazy situation- I'd love some advice! TIA.
Re: Bridal Shower Questions- Etiquette related
Well, you're right on all accounts. It's incredibly tacky and in poor taste to invite people to a bridal shower who aren't invited to the actual wedding.
Being military and/or having a small family-only wedding doesn't change that.
With most everything in life, you have to make difficult decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions. Your sister's FI made the decision to be military, he knew that this would rule his life for a bit. Your sister and her FI knew that wanting to get married before he deployed would mean everything would have to be rushed and that they'd have to give up some of the traditional wedding stuff. Your sister must understand that getting married several states away from family on short notice will mean that it will be a small wedding and again means that she'll have to give up some of the traditional wedding stuff.
And you have to understand all of this too. Your role as her MOH will be a bit different than her role as your MOH, because your weddings are under different circumstances.
Be there to support her and help her get everything that she needs ready. But I wouldn't be planning traditional showers and bachelorette parties.........those would be inappropriate given the circumstances.
Thanks for the input ladies. I like the spa idea or a small/fabulous shower! I understand the circumstances are complicated! Maybe we'll throw them an awesome housewarming party or something!
Thanks!
My heart goes out to you and your sister. The sacrifice we have asked of our soldiers and their families is incredible and she will need your support after he is deployed... I would definitely throw her a small and fabulous shower, weekend away etc. it doesn't have to have a big guest count to be something she will remember the rest of her life... and maybe even get her a small jewelry gift or something really special for their new home or apartment if she chooses not to register.
Best Wishes!
Is your sis local to you? Does she have close friends around there? If so, I don't think it is wrong to get together a group of people who want to throw her a party. If everyone knows the situation (that it's a small wedding, far away and they aren't invited), it's not like you are inviting people who think they'll be invited to the wedding. It's sort of like a "work shower"... coworkers know they aren't invited, but they want to do something nice. There's nothing that says that people who aren't invited to the wedding can't celebrate the bride/groom. If I wasn't invited to the wedding, I'd be put off if I was invited to a shower with other people who are invited, but I'd love, love, love the chance to celebrate a good friend before her wedding.
As for family, perhaps do a pre-wedding lunch/shower for those who will be in town for the wedding.
This exactly.
For my friends very small, far away wedding (basically eloping with siblings/parents attending in Hawaii), her MOH threw her a recipe shower. The invitation specified "no gifts, please", but all the invitations included two recipe cards to fill out and bring back to place in a cookbook for her.
It was a fun and less formal than a traditional wedding shower. I was so happy to have the oppritunity to celebrate her upcoming wedding, and I appreciated the way I was able to contribute something to her household. I thought this was a great solution!
My guest list was out of control and I have lots of friends that I am close with that are friends of friends that I just couldnt invite to the wedding but wanted to celebrate with me. They had mentioned to my bridesmaids that they would love to come to the bacherlotte party and totally understood not getting a wedding invite. So I think in some cases having people celebrate and not come to the wedding is acceptable.
Maybe in your case you could throw a wedding celebration party and mention on the invitation that the wedding is a private family event however this is just a celebration of the marriage. I know Ive heard of people just getting married at the courts by a Justice of Peace and then having a party afterwards so its almost the same thing.