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bachelor party?
a few months back my DH was the best man to his friend, they were originally going to go to costa rica, thankfully it didnt happen but they did end up going to key west for 2 nights.
Personally, I wasnt raised that way, where stripclubs etc is something thats just "tradition"...i told him about it, he said he wouldnt do anything and i have to trust...but its not the trust issue, because i do trust him, however i think its very disrespectful...while he was in kw we talked a few times on the phone, one night he told me what they did n that they went to stripclub it bothered me but i didnt care...the next night, he told me they just player beer games etc...
a week later, he tells me i have something to tell you and i'm freaking out, and he says the second night, they had strippers show up and they pulled me and laid me on the floor and a stripper was dancing on top but it was only for a few seconds, i stood up and walked away....i was sooooo upset because of first-- he lied to me and second--why is it that he just didnt go to be danced on...
anyways i know months have passed but its been on my mind...i am soo not looking forward to one of his friends getting married...what really bothers me is the fact that him knowing it bothers he still is planning on going just because its his friends and its tradition....
thought please, this is an issue that i need help in....
thanks
Re: bachelor party?
I can understand that DH going to strip clubs bothers you... I get it. However, as long as your DH isn't going on a frequent basis (non-bachelor parties), I think it is ok, IMO. Dh also goes to strip clubs but only for bachelor parties. He really doesn't have any control over it, that is where the plans take them. If you trust your Dh, then it should be a problem.
I can understand that you were bothered by your DH lying to you about night 2 of the wkend, but he honestly can't control what happens at the party. What is he really going to say to stop the girl from getting on him, in front of all his friends! Realistically, it ain't going to happen. Yeah, not the ideal situation, but as long as he handles himself properly, like a married man, whatever, I go w/ it.
Just my 2 cents.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
Strip clubs and strippers skeeve me out. Honestly, I think the whole idea is gross.
I think each couple has their own personal level or threshold with what they feel comfortable with each other doing and I completely agree with and understand you when you say it's not a matter of trust, it's a matter of respect. No one wants some nasty half naked woman dancing on their man.
Having said all that, boys will be boys. Bachelor parties are that one sacred thing for men where they expect all their friends to play along and have fun. It's hard for guys to deal with that kind of peer pressure. It makes them do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. It's my personal opinion that married men have no place in a strip club. That's my opinion, and it's not going to change. MH knows I feel this way so when his buddies are all heading to the strip club, he gently turns them down. It's not something I ask him to do, it's something he does out of respect for me.
I don't forbid my husband from doing anything he wants to do because I don't want him to resent me or feel like he can't be truthful with me. That is more important to me. So, if a very close friend or close family member was getting married, I'd be sure to tell him that I wouldn't mind if he went to a strip club for the bachelor party, because I wouldn't want him to feel bad about not being there for someone he cares about. I would suck it up and I know he would handle himself like a married man. However, if it was just a buddy, it would not be ok with me. He knows.
I guess what I'm saying is that you need to be vocal about your feelings with your husband. He needs to know how you feel. If a close friend is getting married, then yeah he's going to have to go to the bachelor party, and if they want to go to a strip club, yeah it's going to suck but you're probably going to have to deal with it. He probably lied to you about what happened at the last party because he knew that it was going to hurt your feelings. At least he came clean. And honestly, if I were you, I'd ask him not to tell you anything about this upcoming party. It's better not to know. If he is trustworthy, then you should trust him.
this is what bothers me, i have told him how i feel disrespected and he says i understand but these are my friends and you have to trust me...he's been friends with these 5 guys for like 10 years...2 are married soo i have to put up for 3 more
it just hurts he cant turn that down...
If they are really close friends, then unfortunately I think you should try to deal with it. And yes, you should trust him. Do you honestly think he would put your marriage in jeaopardy for a stripper?
I totally understand were you are coming from. But it's inevitable. Men will always want to have a bachelor party at a strip club. Like you said it's kind of like a tradition. I think as long as you have trust there should be no problem. However these stripclub trips should only be saved for a bachelor party NOT something to do on the weekend with the boys.
my poor dh, now i feel bad...i'm just sticking to my believes i guess...he is very trustworthy and does respect me but its hard for me to understand that it is a tradition and i shouldnt be so bothered because he never really goes out with his friends except when its something like this...he likes to do things w me so i really just have to accept the fact and be understanding..
i just have to constantly remind myself of this...thank u guys for all ur help! very appreciated!
No reason to feel bad. We have all been there at some point. It's not something we like but it's something we have to accept. DH and I also mostly go out either together or in a group. So it definetly is hard to let go and have him go out alone with his friends.
If anything I hope sharing your thoughts with us made you feel a little better
Yeah, we get so attached to them that sometimes it's hard to let go. They need to have their own lives apart from us so they appreciate us more!
strip clubs don't bother me- lying does.
If DH wants to go to his buddy's B-Party and go to a strip club, I don't care. they're not my cup of tea, but they're harmless. I would, however, care if he told me one thing, then came out and changed his story later on.
I think you guys should meet in the middle- try not to let it bother you that he goes to strip joints, but also make him promise no-touchy.