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Sister doesn't watch TV and family visit vent
Okay, when my sister comes to visit with her family she stays with our parents. She does not watch tv and her son is not allowed to watch tv. I think that's fine but she asks that my parents not watch tv the entire time she visits. She just went home from a visit and my Mom and Dad are wore out; they bend over backwards to provide the right kind of food, no tv, whatever she wishes. Elliot, my nephew, is a typical 6 yr old and very active which wears the Grandparents out.
Everytime she comes to visit I offer for her and her family to stay with me instead of my parents. My house is bigger so they'd have more room to move around and Elliot would be able to play with his cousins more. I think my sister would do it but my parents always have her stay with them because they feel obligated to do so.
Why won't she just stay with me and not wear our parents out? I know my Mom gives sis their credit card so she can buy all the groceries she wants at Whole Foods and they do not keep the tv on for the entire visit. She wouldn't get that at our house. We do watch tv and would watch it sometimes. She could go to WholeFoods and buy groceries but I wouldn't be willing or able to foot the bill.
Is there anything I can do to encourage her to stay with me next time she comes to visit? My Mom is a nervous person anyway so when my sister comes to visit Mom gets stressed and wore out. My sister is a very passionate person and I agree with a lot of what she says about the environment, recycling, etc. but she has to understand that not everyone is willing to live exactly the way she does and that doesn't make them "wrong".
I just needed to vent; my Mom is a different person when sis visits and I wish there was a way to reduce the stress.
Thanks for listening,
Re: Sister doesn't watch TV and family visit vent
It sounds to me like your parents are doing what they can to get their grandson to stay with them. That's their decision. If they so desperately need the TV on all day, then they can do that in their own house, but they obviously want her to stay there. And that's the price.
She's obviously not going to stay with you if you have the TV on all day. But she could go to a hotel if she wanted.
I agree with this. I understand you wanting to reduce the stress on your parents, but it's apparently not that stressful to them otherwise they wouldn't keep bowing to your sister's wishes. Your parents clearly don't have a problem leaving off the TV for a week or so (sounds nice to me), and shopping at Whole Foods in return for spending time with their daughter and grandson. Why have your sister over to your house if you're just going to watch TV? It sounds to me like your sister is living her life the way she wants to (eating right, recycling, having her son play outside and use his imagination) and is happy with that. Maybe you should be happy for her too, rather than seeing her lifestyle as a set of demands you refuse to accomodate.
Okay, just because I watch tv doesn't mean it's on all day. It's not on that often in the first place but for someone to mandate that it not be on EVER seems a bit extreme to me.
I recycle, I compost, just because I watch tv doesn't mean I don't try to live a green life.
Some folks on this board can come across as very judgemental.
I think you're missing the point of what the pps are saying...which is that your parents don't seem to really be putting up a fight about your sister and her son staying with them, turning off the TV, giving them the credit card to go to Whole Foods, etc. If it stresses them out that badly, they need to be the ones to tell your sister that she needs to find another place to stay and so far, it looks like they'd rather have your sister and their grandson stay at their house.
While I agree that mandating that your parents TV not be on at all while they're visiting is a little extreme, your parents made the choice to go along with it. I do think your sister should be paying for her own food if it's not the same stuff your parents are eating, but as long as she's not forcing them to pay for their food then that's your parents' choice, as is keeping the TV off.
I assume you mean me since I mentioned you having the TV on. I'm just trying to get you to see if from your sister's perspective. I don't know her or your family dynamic, but I would think she's like to stay with you so her son can see his cousins, but she's concerned about her son getting hooked on TV since he's not allowed to watch it at home. If it's "not on that often in the first place" why is it such a big deal to not have it on at all while she's there? I didn't say that because you watch tv you don't live a green life. I watch a fair amount of TV. Her green life is just different from yours, that's all. You see her demands as inflexible and extreme, and she sees you as unaccomodating. There's clearly a middle ground here and your parents seem happy to be that middle ground. They're not bothered by your sister's wishes otherwise they wouldn't put up with them. I just see your sister's POV about wanting to raise her child a certain way.
I'm with supergreen. You're being very defensive over the responses. No one said you weren't green, just that you seem to be the one doing the judging over the way your sister chooses to live.
Put yourself in your sister's shoes...if she can stay with mom and dad who respect her wishes to live without TV, why would she choose to come stay with you under the condition that she allow the TV to be on?
Have your parents ever complained about the situation? How often does your sister come to visit? Maybe they like that she stays there and don't mind going out of their way to make her comfortable.
Your follow up sentences seem to answer your initial question. I am going to assume she does not think she is a burden to your parents. Have your parents complained to you about the situation? Based on their actions, it seems like they are okay with sister and her son staying with them and they are willing to accommodate her.
FWIW, I think it is a bit ridiculous to ask people to not watch tv the entire time you are in their home. I can see objecting to certain programs/subject matter, but tv entirely seems a bit extreme. She is not going to be able to shield him from tv forever. Does he ever visits friends? Does she dictate that the tv can not be on if he is over?
How old is your nephew?
We really did our best to not allow our DD to watch any TV at all in the first 2 yrs of her life based on the recommendation/guideline issued by the American Academy of Pediatrics- not some crazy hippy/crunchy edict. We run into issues when we visit my ILs. My MIL can't tear herself away from the TV. Our first visit up she had to watch "So You Think You Can Dance?" and I took DD (who was 5 months old @ the time) to the other side of the room (only one living space in their house) she was annoyed, but you know what? She's my kid. My MIL has already had her turn and raised her 2 kids. IMO sitting and watching TV w/ an infant/toddler isn't quality time.
I won't lie- I had the TV on for some things which I considered "historical events" and let DD "see" them like the inauguration, Michael Phelps winning his shitton of gold medals (I am from Towson, so that was a personal thing for me) etc. but for the most part we kept the TV off while she was awake.
I believe the OP says he is 6.
This tells me exactly why your sister would rather stay there. FWIW, I have overly demanding relatives that tire me out too. Sorry.
So your parents are willing to have her stay there (and I would assume enjoy seeing their grandson), and are willing to endure the horror of going a whole visit without watching tv, and then on top of that spring for all the groceries...
Why would she want to stay with you? Not only does she have it made there, you clearly think her 'no tv' preference is ridiculous.
I don't watch tv. I wasn't allowed to watch tv as a child. I think it was a big part of why I read so early, scored so well on tests as a child, and still love to read.
I really can't believe turning off the tv in your house for a week or so is such a big deal to you, and I think its rude you can't respect how important that is to her. It really only underlines how addictive tv is to me. Why would you want to watch tv when you have a guest anyway? Do something together.
How does this all wear your parents out so much? Not turning on the tv is exhausting? You say your sister is the one who goes to the store. I don't see where you explain what is so exhausting. It really sounds to me like you are just annoyed with your sister. Why not try to help out then instead of just being snarky and upset over it? Plan some activities like all going to a community pool or a board game night so its not all on them to entertain.