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Feeling really conflicted.
I'm home sick today- Michael shared a lovely stomach bug with me. Home alone for once, as I sent Liam to the sitter- praying that he won't catch this awful bug after a full week of him having a terrible cold, poor baby.
That's not my conflict, though- this is:
I have always thought that I wanted two children. I was an only child until my parents adopted my sister when I was nine. I also assumed that Michael & I would have trouble conceiving, as both of our families did. When we got PG quickly, I felt so blessed and lucky.
I remember growing up (basically) as an only child. I spent all of my time with adults, and was aching for someone to play with. I used to beg my parents to have another baby. My extended family is really small too- and the cousins I do have all grew up in other states. We are family, but certainly not close.
Since having Liam, life has been... well, frankly, tough. He is a wonderful little guy, but his sleeping issues are really awful. After sleeping holding him on the couch for the first nine months, we finally were able to transition him to the crib. Most nights, though- he is up- A LOT.
Last night, for example- he fell asleep at around 6:15pm.
Up- 9:30- 11:00 (two of us, tried to put him down 4 times! He finally took a bottle & fell asleep)
Up- 11:45- 11:55 (DH rocked him to sleep)
Up- 4:00 (I rocked him until 4:25)
Up for the day- 5:00.
Last night was bad, but we've had worse, too. The problem is his sleeping, I know- but the other issue is that when we are off of work for vacation, he doesn't have these problems! We had last week off for President's Week, and I had planned on working on sleep training if he had trouble sleeping. He was sick all week though, and slept much better, typically only up once a night. I can deal with once a night- I do legitimately think he still needs to have a bottle or nurse once overnight.
With both Michael and I sick this past weekend, I just kept thinking: what if we had two children? What if we ALL had a stomach bug at the same time? What if the next child has as many sleep issues as Liam does? What if Liam STILL has sleep issues when #2 comes along?
I don't think there is any real solution to this, but I just needed to get this off my chest. 
for all who got through that. (I don't know why there is a snail pic available... just thought it deserved to get used once).
Re: Feeling really conflicted.
sure! burgess at nycap (dot) rr (dot) com
We don't have near as many sleep issues with Katie as you do with Liam, and there are days when I wonder how we are going to ever have another child. We've got her mostly STTN now, and I'm only nursing her 1x a day, and I'm still not going to be ready for another kiddo for a good while.
Being sick really sucks when you've got a baby in the house. A few weeks ago, Katie, DH, and I all had sinus infections and it was miserable. She and I were sick at the same time, so while I stayed home sick, she was home sick too - I would have rather gone to work, LOL.
I feel like a lot of parenting and life in general is just muddling through. Hopefully in a few months, Liam will be sleeping better and you'll have a better outlook on child #2.
Now that Katie's a year old, everyone keeps asking when we're going to have #2. Not.anytime.soon. I need at least a year to catch up on the sleep I've missed out on the past year!
This. Although I wasn't an only child. I don't want Lo to be, but with no family support here. I just can't do it. We have all been sick for 2 weeks now and I was just so damn tired last week, I really was depressed. Taking it out on Joe. We tried CIO kiinda worked.. then Lo got sick. back to square one.
I'm sorry and hugs.
i'm sorry you are having such sleep issues with Liam. as an expectant mom, i can't begin to offer any advice except that i would think (hope) that its got to get better going forward?
waiting another year might give you a whole new perspective and would still have the kids close in age.
good luck, and thanks for the snail!
I totally agree about that. My mom keeps telling me what an "easy baby" I was... gee thanks. Haha. And I really, REALLY agree about it being easier to go to work!
I feel so OLD sometimes too- maybe that's why? I really wanted to have 2 kids before I am 34-35 (I'm 32 now)... doesn't seem likely right now.
I hope Katie does sleep for you! Maybe she can sleep coach Liam! Haha
Yeah, this is my fear about CIO- it seems like no matter how "well" it goes, if you have a set back, back to the beginning!
I hope that you can move closer to your family & have the family you want- however many little siblings you want Loela to have!!
Thanks Christina!!
Haha you are welcome for the snail. And some unsolicited advice? Let baby Sharpie do the "drowsy but awake", swaddled thing when falling asleep! I think if we had really swaddled Liam and ignored the fact that he hated it (we didn't try for very long, as he seemed interested in sucking his fingers, which he doesn't do now) we would all be much better rested!
Yeah, there is definitely a difference between when I go in and when DH goes in- since DH was not a part of the nighttime routine for so long, Liam gets audibly angry when I don't go in. He pretty much giggles when he sees me. DH also gets frustrated very quickly, which isn't really fair, but is the way it is.
I think Liam is cutting a few teeth right now too- he keeps biting me!!
~~~MARRIED BIO~~~
Thanks Allison- and I'm sorry I didn't see this until now! I think alternating nights is a great idea- we try to take turns getting up, since it often winds up being multiple times per night- but neither of us can sleep when we can hear him upset - our room shares a wall too.
(
I'm glad to hear that three years has been okay for you & your sis!! Right now that feels like much more of a likelihood than the two I always imagined.
Kendra- you're not the snail! Haha I think you are right to wait until you are BOTH ready. It is tough and I have no idea how single parents get through it. Time lines are bad though- I have always been a planner and it is hard for me to get away from that tendency.