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Vent: My MIL is BSC
So, N's mom lives 4 hours away from us, and we usually only see her 4-5 times a year (we go to her, most of the time). She does not live near any of the family, and doesn't have many friends. We have been telling everyone for the past year and a half that we are planning to move to WA, where I grew up, so that we can afford to buy a house and have kids, and so that our kids will grow up near family.
N called MIL on Friday night, while we were waiting for our table at the restaurant, to tell her about my new job, and our move in 6 weeks. She freaked the f out. She told him that she thinks he's stupid to quit his job (he's a teacher, he can work anywhere, and I can support both of us forever on my salary, if need be), that she thinks she will never see us again, that we never ever mentioned to her that we were planning to move, that we are abandoning her, blah blah blah.
She made the entire thing about herself and about how this will suck for her. She couldn't even bring herself to congratulate me on getting the job. They argued for 45 minutes, and the conversation did not end very well. It totally ruined N's mood, and our celebration dinner. And then she called the next morning, as if nothing had happened, and asked N if we can go up there in 3 weeks to help her because she is moving to a different apartment complex (in the same town). She didn't bring up their fight at all. I am seriously considering using my arm injury as an excuse to stay home while N goes up there to help her. I'm not supposed to lift anyway. And I don't want to waste of one my few remaining weekends in CA catering to the queen of guilt trips. But I suppose I should be the bigger person. WWYD?
UGH.
Re: Vent: My MIL is BSC
yiiiiiiiiikes! Thats totally lame that she behaved that way. Seriously. Not cool. Sorry that she rained on your parade.
I would maybe go up and not help move, but maybe help clean the new place or clean the old place or soemthing....otherwise if you dont go, she sounds like the type that might use your ascense as a way to start a war or bad mouth you.
She should be excited for the two of you and your new life together
I am so sorry, Jenny! What an awful damper on what is otherwise some great news. You'd think after 60+ years on this earth, she would have realized it doesn't revolve around her and that children grow up and make their own families.
I will refrain from calling her a selfish bia since she is N's mom, but seriously ... pull it together, lady. I hope you can let it roll off your back, as hard as that is, and still be super excited for your new job and new life!
UGH WOW
I love how some people always have to make things all about them. Geez, the world doesn't revolve around you, J's MIL! I don't know, I always waffle in these kinds of situations because I always end up being the nice one. Frankly, I probably wouldn't go help her move. You have the arm excuse, which is valid. Would N care if you went/didn't go?
Wow--is she passive agressive?!?
I would prob go just cause I'd feel guilty if I didn't. I'd do what V says---check w N...
I think N would be upset if I didn't go, which means I will. Sigh. But I'm not going to like it!
Anyway, it was very interesting listening to his end of their conversation. And I will call her a selfish, crazy biatch, because that's what she is. N always calls her on her bs, which is good, but I've never before heard him use the language he was using when speaking with her. He told her that he was f'ing p!ssed off that she was being so selfish, and that this is not about her. Along with some other things I won't repeat! It just makes me so sad that she behaves this way. He loves her, because she's his mom, so it hurts him more than it hurts me.
LOl - yup! Passive-aggressive is her middle name. Queen Selfish Passive-Aggressive McGuilt-trip.
A miserable one, whose life hasn't turned out how she wanted it to. But still.
*giggle*
ETA- stupid Nest, dupe post and can't delete
*giggle*
Yeah....that's why I asked about N in my OP. Because I know that if I were in your shoes, if DH was upset about my not going, I'd feel awful and would go. Sigh. Well, go for the sake of helping N, but you don't have to like it!
You have permission to cut toxic people our of your life, blood or not. They react the way they do because we give them permssion to behave badly and help them move anyway.
Says the pot to the kettle. It's a toughie.
Sorry MIL had to put a damper on your celebration. Some people just have to be the center of attention and it sounds like she felt like you were taking away her spotlight.
Sounds like you will probably go especially for N's sake. Volunteer to do some things that may take you away from the moving activity like going to get lunch and then take your own sweet time getting it.
I would go to support N who probably doesn't want to go either now after that fight! Definitely don't lift anything you are supposed to but as PP said maybe help clean a little.
I'm so sorry your MIL is acting like this! Hopefully when you are up there she will come to her sences and congratulate you on the job. Does she not realize that you can support the both of you on your salary while he looks for a job? Or is it that she doesn't want a woman supporting her son? (There are people who think this way, that's why I'm asking.)
So true, and excellent idea!
She knows I can, and he reminded her. I think she was just looking for excuses to rain on our parade. . .
It is, indeed, a toughie. She's going to get away with this one, but there are other areas where N knows I draw the line. For instance, she hates N's step-mom, and has been known to say less-than nice things about SMIL in front of my niece. My niece is only 15 months old, so she doesn't get it, yet, but someday she will. I told N that the very first time any kind of shiit-talking of other grandparents (or anyone, for that matter) happens in front of our (future) kids, MIL will absolutely have her grandparent privledges removed. I will not tolerate that cr@p.
Ugh, that sucks. I'm glad N stood up to her. BTW, that makes zero sense. Why is it ok for you to be away from your family but it's not ok for N to be away from his? WTF. It sounds like she's a real handful. I wouldn't want to go, but I probably would to support N. But I'd also make it clear to him that's why I'm going. And I'd definitely try to limit any one on one time with her.
In-laws. Why do they have to be so complicated?
Nothing she says ever makes sense. . . She twists everything so it suits her purpose. And her purpose is usually to make someone feel bad about not doing things the way she wants them to. . .
I'm glad my family isn't crazy. And N's dad is actually an absolute sweetheart. I'm glad he didn't stay married to MIL, because he deserves way better!