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caught dh cheating
Not what you're thinking.
I was early to meet my Dad for brunch yesterday. I had dh's car and was just sitting in the parking lot. In the side pocket next to the driver's side I noticed a plethora of receipts. So I took a look. McDonalds, McDonalds, Burger King, McDonalds...you get the idea. Let me explain why I was so upset. I bend over backwards to make my family nutritious well thought out meals. I go to some lengths to get local, sustainable, GOOD food. Sans hormones, pesticides, GMO's etc. etc.
Lately when he gets home he's not hungry. He always just says that he had a late lunch or whatever. He almost never eats the leftovers from that night. Once in a while I can (sort of) see eating fast food. I don't, but that doesn't mean nobody can. The dates on these receipts indicates he does this several times a week. And he's been hiding it from me.
Given the choice between homecooked meals and fast food, my husband prefers the processed garbage. It's so defeating.
Re: caught dh cheating
I would ask him if he doesn't like your cooking or something, or would like to help out with cooking? Because not only is fast food unhealthy, it can be really expensive.
Could you calmly talk to him and ask him why the fast food is so appealing to him that he needs to eat it that often? When I first started stocking only healthy food at home, I CRAVED fast food. Even though the healthy stuff was all stuff I liked, I wanted fast food SO badly. So I'd break down and get some, a couple of times a week...and spend the rest of the day pissed at myself.
So now, I indulge 1x/week. I know it's bad for me, but it settles that craving so I don't obsess over it and get mad at myself.
You could also explain to him why this bothers you so much...if he's anything like my husband, he may be thinking "Well, if she doesn't have to SEE me eat fast food then it won't bother her" and doesn't realize that this is not the case.
I'm sorry, that's so frustrating! If that were my DH, I would definetely have a sit-down talk with him about the two issues here (1) Why were you hiding this from me? (that's the biggie to me), and (2) What don't you like about my meals? Cost, taste, time? I'm just not making what you like (burgers and fries apparently) often enough? If you can find out the crux of the problem that's one step closer to fixing it. I don't know if you budget, but DH and I set up monthly "fun money" that is used, in part, for eating lunches out. We both like to save our fun money for music, movies or whatever, so we spend less at McD's than we did before we'd get fast food whenever we wanted out of the joint account.
I also find with my DH that he's got to figure out being green and eating right by himself. We went vegetarian in July so while we can't really eat lunch at McDonald's or similar places anymore, however he does have bagel sandwiches without the bacon fairly often. To me, that defeats the whole purpose of avoiding caged laying hens by getting eggs from the Farmer's Market. I know if I try to tell DH what to do he'll do the opposite, so I just waited and didn't eat any McDonald's myself, and continously said no to his requests to pick me up something, even just orange juice or a soda. Last week, DH told me that he's not going to go to McD's anymore.
Best sound ever: baby's heartbeat! (Heard @ 10w1d)
Ooh, I'd be mad! Especially since I work so hard to put together healthy lunches and dinners for us.
I guess you need to sit him down and ask what's up. Does he crave fast food, or does he dislike what you're preparing at home but doesn't know how to tell you? Or is it kind of mindless, like a habit?
I'd be mad because of how gross it is, and because of how much it costs. I made us a fantastic organic and partially local dinner tonight for like $6!
My Lunch Blog
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but to me, the most disturbing part is that he's been lying to you and doing it behind your back. That he's almost planning to do it (ie: saying he had a late lunch, he's not hungry) and he's eating before your dinners/meals and planning ahead about it. That is what would be the most upsetting part. This is also both of your $$$ being spent on something behind your back (even if it's cheap
But, that said, it's a good opportunity to have a conversation, tell him you found the receipts, and let him explain. Maybe it's a simple as he hates the taste and doesn't want to hurt your feelings- maybe you could start by cooking a dinner together once or twice a week- then he can see what work goes into it, etc.
GL! I'd be extremely upset, too.
I almost guarantee he is eating your healthy meals and McDonalds. You aren't making enough food for him. MH is a big guy at 6'4'' and it took me a long time to realize that the lunches I made for myself weren't enough food for him.
You aren't his mom and you are going to confront him like a child and accuse him of what? "lying" about eating? Honestly, if you think it is that bad, I'd look at the circumstances that made him feel like he had to lie in the first place. Are you placing shame, guilt or pressure on him to live a lifestyle he's not into? You clearly have motivations for eating and living this way--but what are his motivations? Have you asked him? or did you just impose or assume your motivations onto him?
Oh no!! Any update?
did you decide to change your eating habits together, or did you decide and he went along with you?
i had a long discussion about my giving up meat with DH when i made the decision and it took a while for him to realize that i am not making MY lifestyle OUR lifestyle. if he would like to stop eating meat, chicken and pork then that's great but i will not get my britches in a wad if he wants a mcd's run.
Well let me clarify something here. It's not like we went from eating processed food every night to veganism.
1. I stopped buying CAFO meat about 9 months ago. We still eat meat, but it's from local producers who treat their animals well.
2. I buy a lot more organic and local. We still drink milk, eat butter, eggs yogurt etc. It's just locally and ethically raised and/or organic.
Our diet is largely the same without the pesticides, hormones, antibiotics and GMO's. Instead of processed foods, I make a lot more homemade foods. Like bbq sauce, ice cream, cookies, granola, etc. So there are still PLENTY of goodies in the house. The guy is not starving. I cook meals every night. We just had cheeseburgers and macaroni and cheese for dinner a couple nights ago, so it's not like he never gets that kind of fare. This is not a tofu and lentil household (not that that is a bad thing!). So no, my panties are not in a wad because he wants fast food. It's the sneaking and frequency of it that bothers me. And for the record, I am a good cook. I don't mean to sound high on myself, but I did go to college for culinary arts and really enjoy cooking. I know my way around a kitchen.
Anyway I did mention to him that I saw the receipts. I didn't lay into him, instead I added a little humor into it. He was embarassed as hell so I didn't push him. He's a grown man.. if that's what he chooses to eat there's not much I can do about it. But that doesn't mean I have to give up the right to feel a little low about it.
I'm a little late, but I think you handled it awesomely. I could see the need to get a little angry if this keeps happening, but judging by your description of your house and your H's reaction, I would be surprised if it's necessary anytime soon.
If your H is anything like mine, he could get into cycles of eating bad vs. good. I don't know if it's additives or what, but H will have fast food randomly while traveling and then start to crave it more and more... and if he's traveling for a weekend or on the road for work, it can become an indulgent habit. He's much more aware of it in the last year or so, but sometimes I have to quietly remind him that he's going to keep craving salt and fat and processed food if that's all he keeps putting in him.
And PS- if you ever want dinner guests, I'm totally willing to travel
Have you confronted him?
ETA: I should have scrolled 1st! I think your reaction was awesome.