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MY confession, I can't hold it back
Daisy, your post, and the way you worded it, was incredibly insensitive. I am offended for all the woman going through months and years of infertility with your comment about your daughter's nightime ritual being a birth control reminder - this from a woman who tried for over 2 heartbreaking years to have her???? I'm also offended for all the women who want to breastfeed but can't. Your reasonings for why you don't do it disgust me. I am also offended for all the woman who truly want to be a SAHM but can't. I'm sorry, i'm usually a very "nice" girl and I also completely agree with "say how you feel and be honest". Which is why i'm doing just that. I'm sorry, but it's how I feel and i'm only being honest.
People that come across as having their kids being a burden rather than a blessing set me off.
Re: MY confession, I can't hold it back
Ditto.
Ok, well I know you said your original confession was not about me, i still feel as though I need to clairify some of the things I posted.
As for the SAHM mom thing. I went stir-crazy and got very depressed after 2 and 3 were born. I had 1 when i was young, so i was super busy all the time. With 2 and 3 I could stay home, and well i am happy i had the oppertunity to do it, it is just not for me. I feel as though if I am at home, I am not doing enough...
For the BFing thing.. with 2 and 3 I did try for 6 weeks (each). They both were having so many problems, and I was in so much pain the whole time. It did not get any easier and I became more upset because I felt as though I was doing something wrong and again, made me depressed. I dont have the patience to do it all again. I was over tired and just plain miserable. Now keep in mind, if i thought i could do it with out feelign this way, i probably would. But attempts 2 and 3 failed and I just cant do that to myself or my family again.
I did not mean to upset any moms that wish they could do things that I can not do. I take my hat off to all of you moms who can do all this. I hope I did not upset many of you!
I don't know her at all & certainly not well enough to defend her. But, I will say one thing b/c I know that she had hyperemsis in both of her pgs. Nobody who hasn't been through it can understand how incredibly difficult it is; it isn't morning sickness, it is 24/7 sickness for 9 months. It is the very thing that you love, prayed for & wanted more than anything that is literally sucking the life, energy, nutrients & weight out of you. I want another baby, but I am beyond scared of going through all of that again, especially w/ a toddler! Let's give her the benefit of the doubt that seeing her daughters & remembering everything she went through to get them is a visual reminder to take her BC so that she doesn't get pg when she doesn't want to.
ETA: I had medical reasons that I couldn't BF, but I wouldn't have even if I could have. I don't feel guilty about it & don't think that anybody should. It is my body & my decision & it wasn't something that was right for Owen & I. I am beyond impressed & supportive of those who do BF; more power to you!
Sweetie, BF is not for everyone and neither is being a SAHM. I get that, I really do. I mean NO disrespect to anyone who chooses not to do/be either. They're both can be very dificult things to certain people. However, it was her reasonings, the way she worded it all. Her "birth control reminder" and the fact she tried for YEARS to have this little girl she's referring to was just the icing on the cake for me... you don't need to defend yourself, although i'd love to hear Daisy do the same.
Okay, ladies.
I can understand how some people may be offended by Daisy's post. Let's remember, the title of the post is "Confessions."
I think that to take her post as something pointed towards anyone who may have IF issues is a mistake. I am 100% positive that Daisy in no way intended to hurt anyone's feelings, she was merely "confessing" things . Generally, a "confession" implies you are admitting something you know is not the best thing, maybe you even think it is a bad thing, so let's not assume she's involving anyone else in that post. It is an unfortunate byproduct of her confession that people's feelings were hurt, definitely, but I'm not sure I like where this thread is going.
I don't think it is fair for a group of people to gang up on anyone who posts in a confession thread, because that thread is there for a specific purpose. That said, this is STILL a public message board. I will defend strongly (until such time as someone is personally attacked, which is completely inappropriate and where I feel this thread is going) a poster's prerogative to post their feelings, *especially* when invited to do so in a thread similar to "confessions."
Please do not take this as my agreeing with Daisy's life choices. However, she has every right to make those choices, and I also think that it is rude to come out and ask Daisy to defend herself for those choices she has made, Miles. Sorry to say it. I don't think it is any of your business to make that sort of demand.
Honestly, when I read her post my first thought was, "Wow, she has 2 kids that close in age and she has time to have sex and even needs birth control. Good for her!"
I had forgotten about that... I am sorry for jumping to that conclusion, my emotions are pretty raw after the past few days with all of this IF stuff.
This post is mean, and crap like this is originally why I started backing off the Nest, and my first reaction was to log out and not respond. ?I feel bad for Daisy, though - without getting longwinded and dramatic about it, I don't think there's anything wrong with what she said, it is how she is feeling at the moment, and lord, w/2 kids that close in age, i think i'd be locked in a padded room (and would definitely want to be able to drink!). ?Would you be jumping down her throat if she said she hated being a working mom? ?So she hates being a SAHM, lots of people do - but daycare for 2 kids that young is very expensive, and if you don't have a job that makes a ton of money, you/she might be forced to stay home. ?Also, what's so bad about her reasoning for not bf'ing, I think they are perfectly valid, and honest (and I bf'd for 19 mos). ?
Heather said it all well in her post. It's a confessions post, get off her back.
I agree with Mindy here. I don't have any medical reasons not to breastfeed but it was something I knew was not right for me and my babies. If other people want to judge me, that's fine, but I know in my heart I made the right decision for me and my family
As for her daughter being her reminder to take her birth control, i don't see what is offensive about that. My kids are my birth control method! I love them dearly, but I certainly don't want another any time in the near future.
I didn't breastfed either of my boys... you know why??? Cause I didn't want to! It was something that I didn't want anything to do with. You going to call me out on that? Go ahead tell me I am a bad mother cause I didn't BF my kids and I'll tell you to STFU! Who the hell are you to judge anyone about how they feed their children and their reasoning behind it?
This is why the nest sucks, because of people can't let others be honest without attacking them!
a) I am not "demanding" anything from her, I stated I was curious to hear an explanation for her reasoning.
b) I am NOT knocking, nor am I judging, women who choose not to BF, nor am I knocking those who choose to stay at home.
c) I probably could have worded my post much more nicely, and more "sensitive" myself, and can see how other people could possibly misinterperate my stand to above mentioned topics, but she touched a huge sore sport in my heart on THREE different topics, and i'm sorry if my OWN confession touched a sore spot in your own.
I'm not apologizing for posting how I feel, as what she said and how she said it still makes me angry, but I am sorry for maybe how I worded my post.
My bad, I used the wrong word. Substitute demand out. Regardless, that you would even bait or ask her to justify herself is, IMO, inappropriate. She doesn't owe you an explanation and I don't think you are in any position to even ask for one.
I don't think anyone said you were knocking them, unless I misread. What I think came across in your post was that you seemed a bit hostile to moms who don't choose to do so for reasons that maybe you don't agree with. How are any of us supposed to know what reasons you think are okay versus what are not? It is a thin line that you are treading here. Same with someone's reasons for staying at home versus working.
I don't think it's a question of your wording. Regardless of how you communicated your issues, you basically typed out that you don't approve of a poster's reasons for her choices. You can't word that another way. And you can't expect to have people pat you on the back for singling a poster out and basically berating her for the choices that she has made in her life. It's not a question of your confession touching a sore spot in my heart, because it didn't. This post was wrong of you to make, plain and simple. I don't expect you to apologize for how you feel (please read my post, I do not approve of censorship on a public message board). It is one thing to post your opinion on a topic. It's entirely another to post your opinion of a PERSON. And that is where you went wrong, and THAT is why I think you should apologize, not because of how you feel.
I'm so with Mindy and Heather on this one.
First, I will say that I do not have children. Yet.
However, DH and I have had many detailed conversations on the choices we want to make when we do have children - everything from education to discipline to religion to lifestyle, and so on. Whether I choose to share our decisions here or not, they are my decisions and they should not be judged. Nor should they offend anyone as these decisions affect no one but me, DH, and our future children. They are our choices that have no bearing on your life choices.
Offensive? I fail to understand how her statements could be taken as such. What I would find offensive is for someone to tell me I'm wrong in the decisions we've made for our family. What works for you just might not work for me and vice versa. A certain issue may 'hit home' with you for whatever reasons apply to you, but to take it personal and get offended is a bit much.
Please, go ahead and disagree by sharing your choices with us, and if you choose to open up, even tell us why. But to be offended is, well, quite simply put, insignificant.
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Miles.... you have no kids... who are you to judge.
You do realize this gives you bad karma now....
I personally was not offended by Daisy's post at all. It was her confession to a bunch of ladies she obviously trusted in some way to respect her decisions. I for one respect her decisions very much. I don't have kids yet, I don't know what I will choose to do, if I will SAH or BF. But that's my business what I do and I will have a reason for everything I do.
Her daughter is her "form of BC" because she goes to bed at the same time every night, so it keeps her on a schedule to take her pill. At least that's how I understood it. I think it's a good idea.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them. - Mother Theresa
A) Miles, you have no kids so you have NO idea what it is like to be a mom. I know MANY people who have had fertility issues and they still have a tough time as new moms or any other time - JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MOTHER. Give her a break!
Angela, I'll be honest and say that I don't love your post and think you kind of stepped in it. BUT, I still like YOU and I hope that you keep posting here even after some of the comments you got back. You're funny and usually quite kind and supportive and I'll miss you if you stay away.
Lots of us have stepped in it before to varying degrees. That's part of the whole internet thing where you can't read facial expressions and tones of voice. Such is life.
PS- Thanks, Beth, for being the first to give her a little support. ?I will admit to posting, then deleting this twice because I didn't want to getshit from people. ?But then I realized that the people who would give it to me aren't my friends anyway and I don't care what they think. ??
Why do people only come out of the woodwork when there's drama? ?