getting married "for real" [long]

berriesnpie

This weekend, we realized that a) February was almost over and b) we can go apply for a marriage license on Wednesday. Hurrah! The latter created total chaos as we went into wedding planning mode. We ultimately decided to do a civil ceremony with just the two of us and maybe have a low key party. This decision seems to be in conflict with some of our friend's and family's opinions about the lavish wedding and honeymoon they think we should have.

E's chosen family was in town this weekend and they are really excited about the wedding and have definite ideas. This is true of most of our (straight) friends, some of whom are really really excited and have been sending lots of congratulations and suggestions for the reception and ceremony they assume we'll be having. I'm kind of conflicted honestly, because while I'm so excited to be legally married, in my heart we're already married and this is just a legal formality. To be congratulated now makes me feel as though our first wedding didn't actually count for them. Do you think I'm being too sensitive? I just feel like I already had a beautiful wedding and a fabulous honeymoon and we don't have the time or the money to do that again right now. We also had our wedding on our 5 year dating anniversary. I really want that anniversary to be special, not the day Congress finally decided to not prevent DC from giving me basic rights.

Okay, that's my random rant of the day.  

Two*True

I don't think you're being too sensitive.  I'm sure your family and friends were just excited the first time around - as you were then.  But like you said, you already live, love, and feel as though you are married (b/c you are!).  Is another fancy cake, lots of photos, and invitations going to make you feel mored married? No.  As always, do what fits you as a couple.  And if that's a city hall and a celebration with a handful of people afterwards than do that.

Whatever you decide I think it's great you are getting the legal license :-)

ctbride08

ditto two

Its totally up to you and what you feel comfortable doing.  If you want another big celebration - go for it! If a more mellow celebration feels appropriate, do that instead. 

The day that CT recognized our marriage was a big day, indeed; but it didn't replace our wedding day.

Mrs._F

I don't think you're being too sensitive.  I do think that it's good that your loved ones are excited - it shows that they know how big of a deal it is for your marriage to be recognized legally, and that's a good thing!

Definitely honor this exciting event in the way it feels right to you.  It's about your marriage, and while it's great that everyone wants to celebrate with you again, I completely understand not wanting another full-on wedding. 

Monet81

I don't really HAVE to reply because the ladies have (as always) given you FAB advice! But my two cents... I agree with pp. You shouldn't feel pressured to have another big thing if that's not what you want. Your fam will be just as happy with whatever you guys plan to do!

berriesnpie

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the reassurance. I'm feeling much better about it today. I found out this morning that two our friends are also planning a civil ceremony at the courthouse, which is awesome. 

I think I've just been so stressed out with work lately that the pressure to plan a big event was freaking me out. Even a civil ceremony will require multiple trips to the courthouse that I'm not sure how I'm going to manage. And E's sister who has been pushing for a big celebration is also my coworker who's refusing to reschedule meetings to make it easier for us to make it to the courthouse.  But I'm sure we'll figure it out somehow.  I feel excited and thankful that we'll be able to be legally married in the next couple of weeks. I don't think I'll really believe it until I see our marriage certificate!

2dBride

Honestly, I think all the comments are just people's backhanded way of congratulating you.  No one but you and your wife gets to decide how you should celebrate.

It's funny, for us, the two celebrations got reversed.  We had the legal wedding in Massachusetts back in October, but at the time, didn't think it would have any effect here in Maryland.  Then suddenly in February, Maryland decided to recognize our marriage, without our actually doing anything extra.  We were thrilled with that, but it was not our wedding day--that happened back in October.  So I can definitely relate to your saying that this is a big day for you, but is still not your wedding day.