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need to vent and advice
Okay so last week i found out that i'm going to be an aunt my husband sister is pregnant. we went out to dinner and i felt weird the whole dinner when we got to the car i started bursting into tears and the hubby asked whats wrong and i started saying that i wish i was the one that was pregnant to see the reaction that his family got from his sister. cause my parents well they really arent that or would be thrilled if i got pregnant now knowing that i have no house or apartment (living with the inlaws) have no real job (working 2 part time jobs) so really i would have loved to be one the pregnant.
so that same night i went to my house and told my mom what had happen and she pops out with saying "well dont get inspired to pop one out too". so i was even more upset.
heres the problem i know that when i do get pregnant i wont get the excitment from how his family got with sister.
i dont know if its silly for me to acting like this. we really want one so bad but its like we cant and it kills me so much. and then i start thinking i'm turing 25 and i think omg what about if i have miscarriages like my mom its soo many things that pop out in my head i dont know if i'm just jealous or over reacting.
Re: need to vent and advice
I think you are overreacting and need to just calm down and relax. First, try not to be envious of someone else's pregnancy. I do think that you are being jealous, and you should try to be happy for your SIL and tuck away those feelings.
Second, I think you are wise to wait until you are in a better position financially. You JUST got married, relax and settle in. Focus on getting a job and moving out on your own, enjoy married life.
Third, YOU'RE YOUNG. If you approaching 40 that would be a little different, but you are still a spring chicken. Your time will come and it will be the right time.
Are you sure you aren't already pregnant? You sound a little hormonal
jealousy like that is never a good thing- I say calm down and breathe.
you're SO young. a lot of people would say even too young to be married, much less talking about kids. there's a time and a place for having a family, and it's not when you're young, not living on your own, and don't have the money to support you and your family.
I know you're having a rough time, so I don't want to just tell you the STFU and be a grown up, but it's something you should sit back and think about, especially since you have your whole life to have a family.
i know i'm over reacting but i dont know if i'm feeling is right i just think here leaving with my inlaws which the husband sister lives in makes me think about it more and now everyone is asking so its something that now is constantly on my head
i highly doudt i'm prego im on the bc so its very doudtful
Don't feel bad for reacting that way. Some women just want children more than others. You have all the right in the world to feel that way, not b/c you're not happy for her but b/c you know your time isn't there yet.
If you wanna cry about it, do it! Just make sure you support her as well. No one can tell you how to feel and it seems you know you are not ready yet so don't worry too much about it. Focus on yourself and getting into a better situation to have a family.
I don't believe you can't be ready at 25, maybe you'll get your stuff together sooner than you think. Chin up
And I really really think you should enjoy being married for a while. I can't tell you how much I've enjoyed these last few years with MH where we only had to worry about us and where we've really gotten so incredibly attached to each other in a whole different way than when we were dating. I think the three years of dealing with real life stuff as a couple has shown us the best way to overcome difficulties and problems together which will be invaluable when we have a child to raise.
No one can tell you when you're ready for a baby. Its just obvious that you are very conflicted and that should be a red flag to you. Just breathe, and really think first about the kind of life you want. Good luck, Hun.
I think Eli said it best. I want to have a baby too, DH and I are both 27 going on 28 and we have been together for almost 10 years. We feel we are ready emotionally and would totally start trying if we were at a different time in our lives. However, right now would be the worst time for us to get pregnant. Financially we are not ready and his career is just starting to take off and he's extremely busy all the time. Not to mention my health isn't where it should be when we decide to start trying...
Basically what I'm saying is that as much as I want a baby, the thought of actually being pregnant right now would scare me to death because of the timing and all the responsibility that comes with it. Responsibility that will be with me the rest of my life! Just try to think of all of that and the whole picture.
I agree with all of u girls. i think the problem is since i'm living with all of thems now its all they talk about so i'm like umm ok!
and its like all u girls say we are in no way shape or form ready to bring a baby into the world when we arent even ready. i want to have a job and well a house and not be with the in laws or my rents.
i'm happy i'm being an aunt cause crap i'm only child im never gonna experience being an aunt until now. ive accepted the fact and i'm determined not to think about it. we decided before marriage that we would wait until we had a house and i had a good job so we decided we would start trying towards the end of this year. so we have accepted the fact and i want to start dieting and going to the doctor before we decide on the taking the step of having kids as well i want to loose weight before we have kids so we started our diet yesterday
when the time is right it will be perfect!
thanks girls for all ur inputs!
Ok - everyone has said it but I will too - calm down.
I knew before I got pregnant that kids cost money, but I really didn't grasp it until we got pregnant. If you don't have your own place or even a steady job, this is absolutely not the time to even be thinking about having a baby or getting upset that you're not pregnant. And it's not just the stuff you need for them, it's the doctor's appointments too. It all adds up very quickly.
Plus, if you plan on going back to work after you have the baby, daycare is not cheap. We're not in south Florida and we're planning on $800 a month, so I can only imagine what it costs down there.
I had to butt in here and just give my two cents.
You are definitely overreacting. Like the other ladies said, you need to be happy for your SIL. Yes it's gotta be tough living with them and having to hear that all the time, but you just got married. Enjoy your husband and enjoy being married before you start thinking about bringing kids into the picture. It's a good thing you realize that you should have a job before you bring a child into this world. A lot of people get stuck on the fantasy of having a baby and don't realize how expensive it is. Just because you have a job today doesn't mean you'll have that job tomorrow. I learned that the hard way, I was laid off when I was 9 months pregnant and haven't been able to find a job. Having a baby requires a lot of money. Diapers, formula and baby clothes are not cheap. Childcare is about $700 a month (could be a little more or less). So as a mom I will tell you take your time, you are still young you still have plenty of time to have a baby. You and your DH need to do things now and enjoy your time together because once you have a baby your life changes completely. It's a blessing to have a baby, but it's not easy and your time with your DH will change because you will have a little one depending on you. You will not be able to just pick up and go wherever you want. Hope this helps you and just relax hun your time will come just be patient and make sure you're 100% ready.