Couples counseling already?

Karamel

HELP!!

We just got married last summer and I can't believe we already need counseling. We never argued the entire 3 years we dated, but as soon as we got engaged...look out. I mean it's to the point where we don't know how to argue. We don't argue frequently, but when we do, it'll last for days or a week at a time.

We really need help learning how to communicate with each other and how to argue "successfully".

Can anyone recommend a good counselor in NYC? You won't believe how many come up when you do a google search! I also looked on my insurance but the list psychology without any specialties.

Any ideas?

K

lawby2005

No suggestions but if it will help your marriage, why not do it right? I think counseling is good. Good Luck!

Mrs. Met

You're very brave to post this-- especially as someone who isn't on often. So, just wanted to commend you for that!

My insurance doesn't specify doctors/behavioral specialists either but I can tell that even with insurance, depending on which one you have, you will most likely have to pay up to a $3000 deductible. After that, you are responsible for 70% or so. It's expensive but so is divorce! And if you have that outlook, the bill doesn't hurt as much lol...with that said, my advice is to pick someone you like, even if it's out of your hmo b/c most likely, you won't go over the deductible and you might as well get someone who is quality. Most of the popular modern therapists have websites. Personally, I find that helpful.  Checkout citysearch or datacity or yahoo pages to see reviews for marriage counselors. That helps to weed out the crazy ones-- you can't imagine some of the reviews these people get! And be specific in your search: marriage counseling or couples counseling and your neighborhood/boro.

also, another word of advice, before you go, make a list of what bothers you about your husband, what you love about your husband and what you want to gain from counseling-- but be direct about it. For example, I don't like how my husband listens in on my phone calls (mine doesn't but an example) instead of saying my husband is nosy... for your what you want to get list, also be specific and make it about you. Instead of saying, I want my husband to stop being mean, say I want to be able to communicate with my husband without insulting each other or I want to be more understanding of my brother's problems... by doing the lists and sharing them with each other before your first session, you'll save a couple of hundred bucks b/c that's usually what you'd talk about before you go. (If you can't tell, we went lol but before we did, i googled and googled and read up on how we can get the most out of it and that was one of the things i kept seeing on blogs and such and when we went to our first session, our therapist was pretty impressed and told us that we basically were starting on our '2nd session'. We didn't tell anyone we were going (and still no one knows that we did-- unless they are reading this for some odd reason) and we went in with an open mind. We actually left smiling after the first session and believe it or not, you learn things about yourself that not only help in your marriage but in family, friend and work relationships, too. Good luck!)

firedancer22

we got some couples counseling through rec's from our individual therapists.  ended up at behavioral consultants on the UES.  they take a cognitive-behavioral approach, which is an "action therapy" as much as it is a "talk therapy."  (as in, they'll give you "homework" and such.)

firedancer22

oh...and it was SOOOO worth it.  i don't know that we'd still be married if we hadn't done it.

hocus

Try her:

Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Marriage/Family Therapist
85 Fifth Ave. @ 16th Street, 9th Floor, Suite 923
New York, NY 10003
(212) 769-0533

I found it really helped. We only did 4 sessions.

subdola

Don't feel bad about yourself, we hit a massive wall after only a few months of marriage (6 years dating, 5 of those living together before we were married) and I felt insane for having the problems start so rapidly after the wedding.

We did some behavioral/cognitive sessions together that worked wonders.  DH still goes on his own since the issue is really his and it has really really helped to sort through where all of the problems came from and how to work together to solve them.  We pay only a $15 copay per visit, we have GHI but I think he takes lots of different insurance policies.

 He's: Dr. Neil Smith

171 West 23rd Street SUITE 2C

New York, NY, 10011

Phone Number:

(212) 337-8866

Fax Number: (718) 816-6913

 

 

Karamel

Thank you so much for all of your advice and doctor suggestions. I am going to reach out to them soon.