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BR: Attachment Parenting
Seems to be some confusion here regarding AP and using swings, bouncers, etc. There's no "rules" against using these things unless the parents are using them to "park their baby" and let these devices do the "babysitting"...i.e. stick baby in a swing and prop up a bottle rather than rocking baby in your arms while feeding or placing baby in the bouncer infront of the TV instead of interacting with baby while he/she plays in the bouncer, etc. Basically, AP is about being actively involved with all aspects of parenting rather than just passively attending to baby's needs.
Dr. Sear's coined the phrase...
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp
Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.
7 ATTACHMENT TOOLS: THE BABY B'S
"What if something happens to prevent our immediate bonding?"
Sometimes medical complications keep you and your baby apart for a while, but then catch-up bonding is what happens, starting as soon as possible. When the concept of bonding was first delivered onto the parenting scene twenty years ago, some people got it out of balance. The concept of human bonding being an absolute "critical period" or a "now-or-never" relationship was never intended. Birth bonding is not like instant glue that cements the mother-child relationship together forever. Bonding is a series of steps in your lifelong growing together with your child. Immediate bonding simply gives the parent- infant relationship a headstart. (See "Birth Bonding")
- AP is a starter style. There may be medical or family circumstances why you are unable to practice all of these baby B's. Attachment parenting implies first opening your mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby, and eventually you will develop the wisdom on how to make on-the-spot decisions on what works best for both you and your baby. Do the best you can with the resources you have ? that's all your child will ever expect of you. These baby B's help parents and baby get off to the right start. Use these as starter tips to work out your own parenting style ? one that fits the individual needs of your child and your family. Attachment parenting helps you develop your own personal parenting style.
- AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It's actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit ? the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby.
- AP is responsive parenting. By becoming sensitive to the cues of your infant, you learn to read your baby's level of need. Because baby trusts that his needs will be met and his language listened to, the infant trusts in his ability to give cues. As a result, baby becomes a better cue-giver, parents become better cue-readers, and the whole parent-child communication network becomes easier.
- AP is a tool. Tools are things you use to complete a job. The better the tools, the easier and the better you can do the job. Notice we use the term "tools" rather than "steps." With tools you can pick and choose which of those fit your personal parent-child relationship. Steps imply that you have to use all the steps to get the job done. Think of attachment parenting as connecting tools, interactions with your infant that help you and your child get connected. Once connected, the whole parent-child relationship (discipline, healthcare, and plain old having fun with your child) becomes more natural and enjoyable. Consider AP a discipline tool. The better you know your child, the more your child trusts you, and the more effective your discipline will be. You will find it easier to discipline your child and your child will be easier to discipline.
And here's a great site with more infomation:
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php
Re: BR: Attachment Parenting
I have what's probably a REALLY stupid question, but this is something I've read before and I don't quite understand:
Why is nighttime more scary for a baby than daytime? I guess I'm curious because when they're in the womb, they don't really experience full light (reddish light filtered through flesh, but not true daylight), but they DO experience darkness. Is there a psychological/physiological reason that being bedded in a different room in the darkness of nighttime is scarier than being bedded in a different room in daylight? (I'm assuming it's something to do with light/dark because you're still with a newborn nearly as much at night as you are during the day.)
Science has proven that when the sun goes down our body chemistry changes. For babies, this might be unsettling since it's different from what they're experiencing by day. I dunno. I do notice that Libby is more clinging/cuddly in the evening and less independent than during the day. For example, in the day time when she starts to fuss there is a longer fuse before it will become crying (we try not to let it get there but sometimes it happens if we're in the car or I am in the bathroom, etc. before I can get to her) but at night, it's pretty much crying right away. And this can be for the exact same things that by day she'll have the longer fuse for (diaper change, hungry, etc.)
Also, until a certain age, little ones have no sense of permanance...so if they cannot hear/see/smell you, they think you're gone for ever! How scary! Since bedtime is alreadya tenuous time for LOs it makes sense that they'd feel more secure with their primary caregivers nearby (in a way that THEY know they're there...i.e. by scent, sight or sound). Libby sleeps WAY better in her co-sleeper than in her crib (she'll sleep longer/deeper when she's in the room with us rather than in her room alone). I also feel I sleep more soundly when she's near me.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I figured there had to be a reason...interesting! Thank you!
ditto. i had no idea... i guess i am around A all the time so on the one hand i know her so well but on the other hand i don't always notice patterns like this b/c i just do what needs to be done to console her w/o always noticing the pattern... but DH mentioned that she seems fussier in the evenings when he holds her and i wonder if this is part of the reason...not b/c it's him but b/c it's night time? interesting thought.
our nursery is immediately adjacent to our bedroom but i do wonder if A would sleep better if she was in the same room. we still get 5-6 hrs straight right now and then several smaller clusters of sleep thereafter....
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
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