November 2008 Weddings
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
DH Fail
So, DH and I went to Babies R Us yesterday afternoon so that I could show him the fruits of my research, and my research trip there with my BFF recently. He was kind of sullen the whole time we were there and told me that the strollers were "the size of my car!" and I had picked out "the cadillac model".
Then he told me that it didn't really matter what we picked out since I would have the baby most of the time and he would "just deal" with whatever I picked out.
I totally understand that since we are planning for me to nurse, and that I'll be home the first few months that I'll be the primary caregiver. But that doesn't mean I intend to never leave the baby at home with him, or send him somewhere with the baby, or god forbid he should pick the baby up from day care, etc. I'm not having this baby just so I can be the only involved with him or her. I was really undone and my feelings were hurt by his behavior/attitude.
DH FAIL.
Then he told me that it didn't really matter what we picked out since I would have the baby most of the time and he would "just deal" with whatever I picked out.
I totally understand that since we are planning for me to nurse, and that I'll be home the first few months that I'll be the primary caregiver. But that doesn't mean I intend to never leave the baby at home with him, or send him somewhere with the baby, or god forbid he should pick the baby up from day care, etc. I'm not having this baby just so I can be the only involved with him or her. I was really undone and my feelings were hurt by his behavior/attitude.
DH FAIL.
Re: DH Fail
Boo on your DH! What is his deal? Is he stressing about money? Is he jealous because he can't be pregnant and you can (I think N will be jealous of that, when it's our turn)? Is he jealous of the time off you will have from work with the baby? There must be something making him act out like that. . .
I'm sorry, sweetie!
Unfortunatley this story is pretty common. I have heard many of my friends say things identical or very similar to this. I hope he finds his baby joy soon and I am sorry that he hurt your feelings.
Did you at least let him know that?
Good and I can totally understand. I have heard people relate it to wedding stuff. Some guys couldn't give a flip even though they obviously care about the wedding and some guys are all in. Maybe he can pick a thing or two that he would be interested in at least.
DH's and baby gear shopping don't mix.
maybe he feels left out because he knows you will be the primary caregiver the first few months - and he knows that he can't nurse the baby. try to educate him that you can pump for him to feed bottles of bm, and that you want him to feel comfortable with the baby in teh beginning, so you do plan to give him "parenting" time with the baby.
FWIW - DH and I agreed on a very simple stroller to start with. It only has single wheels (not the double wide kind) and it is a basic model. Its not cheap, but it is not an obnoxious heavy, wide thing. Peg Perego Si $249. The 2010 model comes with the bar and attachemnts for our car seat too - so it is like a travel system - but not so bulky.
TTC #1 13 cycles, CP 6/09, TTC #2 1 cycle
CDing, EP'd for 13 months for #1, BFing for #2
Pregnancy Hypertension - inductions at 39w, I grow big babies: DD was 9 pounds 1 ounce 22 inches, DS was 11 pounds even 22 inches - both vaginal deliveries
After he told me that about the stroller, I showed him the stroller only and said, "is it bigger than that one?" and he said "yes" Then I gently pointed out that it was the.exact.same.stroller (Chicco Cortina).
Silly DH. He doesn't even know what he's complaining about.
Good Luck - I hope you guys get to an agreement on the baby gear.
DH had input on the crib, carseat, and stroller and has just left the rest up to me. I know he has a short attention for shopping in general, so just regestered for all the little/other stuff on my own.
TTC #1 13 cycles, CP 6/09, TTC #2 1 cycle
CDing, EP'd for 13 months for #1, BFing for #2
Pregnancy Hypertension - inductions at 39w, I grow big babies: DD was 9 pounds 1 ounce 22 inches, DS was 11 pounds even 22 inches - both vaginal deliveries
POOP ON HIM FOR BEING SUCKY AT BABIES R US!!!!! Hopefully he will realize the importance of everything very soon and know that he needs to be involved with it!
GOOD LUCK!!!
I'm sorry! I hope your talk helped! I'm sure it's hard that he sees you doing everything-from 'housing' the baby before it's even out and feeling your body change, to picking out stuff for the baby...
I'm sure he'll have excitement when it's out... 8-9 months is a long time and I don't know of many men who have a month's attention span let alone that long!
Maybe there's some baby gadget that would make him feel more 'involved'?
and it IS sucky for him to make you feel like crying in BRU!