Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Birth Control
My fiance and I are beginning to look into all of the different birth control options that are out there. We are both virgins and are very new to all the birth control. All of the options are overwhelming. We have decided against using birth control pills for various reasons. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with Lea's shield. Was it difficult to insert? Could you feel it during sex? Any information about it or other birth control options used would be helpful! Thanks!
Re: Birth Control
Out of curiosity why did you decide against BCP? And what are his reasons on why he doesn't want you to be on BCP?
There is Nuvaring or IUD(depending on how long you will wait to have kids) as well as Depo. I suggest you speak with a gyno for the options that would best suit you. I also suggest that your FI learn how to put on a condom.
My H and I were virgins until after we were married as well. BCP turned out to not be an option for us either-- medical issues on my end. We've been baby free using just condoms for 9 months and counting.
Definitely talk to a gyno. I had a fabulous woman gyno who was so understanding and helpful.
I looked up Lea's Shield and it is FDA approved but it's recommended that you use spermicide with it. I know that I am sensitive to spermicide and you should find out BEFORE you actually use it durning your first time.
Also, if you decide to use LS then practice putting it in and out. His sperm will be on it and there will be some sperm in your vagina left over. That's why you need the spermicide.
I am on the pill but I did do family planning for a while but had to switch to BCP due to medical reasons.
Have you looked into an IUD? You could also learn to chart your cycles and use condoms when necessary. I would personally prefer condoms over LS.
ok, well when you are on BCP it prevents you from ovulating thus no fertilized egg.
You need to talk to a gyno stat and stop reading scary stories on the web.
How far into the future do you see yourselves wanting to become parents? Would you both be prepared to become parents soon after becoming sexually active?
Truth is, condoms have about an 80% rate of effectiveness with typical use. I'm sure that something like Lea's Shield is close to or even below that. Charting can be very effective, if you're committed to doing it. Hormonal contraceptives typically have the highest efficacy rates with typical use.
That's your prerogative if you and your FI decide that hormonal contraceptives aren't the right choice for you. But remember to consider the consequences of all the birth control options. If you would be devasted by a pregnancy within the next several months, I wouldn't recommend going with something as unreliable as a barrier (by itself with no spermacide) or charting (until you've had lots of practice with it).
I'm not aware of any form of BC having abortive effects, except the Plan B pill which is DEFINITELY NOT a form of BC. I'm on NuvaRing, personally, and I love it. No fuss about pills and taking them at the same time every night, etc. You can't feel it, he can't feel it. It's once a month BC. Great for us. Look in to it.
I'm not familiar with LS, but honestly those types of things make me uneasy - especially with something as big as potential pregnancy.
Plan B is also not abortion. It simply makes the uterus inhospitable to sperm and attempts to prevent fertilization.
If fertilization has already occurred, Plan B doesn't "undo" it. If the egg has already implanted, Plan B doesn't cause it to un-implant.
I'm also not sure why anyone (like the OP) would consider the pill to be abortion. It's not going to cause an implanted egg to un-implant........and if the egg doesn't implant, it's technically/medically not a pregnancy to begin with.
My fiance and I both believe that life begins at fertilization not implantation. I understand that people believe differently. Since we believe that life begins at fertilization we are not comfortable using BCP, Nuvaring, or IUDs because they all work the same way. There is a chance that it could cause an early abortion. I saw that some of the PP were not familiar with or hadn't heard that the BCP and other things can do this. All of these things work in three ways. The first way is to prevent ovulation. But that does not always happen. You can ovulate when you are on the pill; therefore there are two other ways that BC can work. The second way is to thicken the cervical mucus which makes it more difficult for the sperm to penetrate through to fertilize the egg. The third thing BC does is thin the lining of the uterus. This is what makes us very uneasy about using this kind of BC. If an egg was to be fertilized the lining of the uterus is thinned which makes it very difficult for the egg to implant. If it can't implant than the egg can not get the nutrients it needs to grow and therefore dies. This is what the abortion-like affect is. BC is still something that we are researching.
Our plan is to not have kids for at five years or so. I am in college and would like to be out and work for awhile before we think about having children. I understand that BC options besides the pill, Nuvaring, and IUD have lower success rates. But at this point this is something that we are willing to risk. I would rather end up pregnant than end a life because of a choice that I made.
Anyone else humming Monty Python's "Every Sperm is Sacred" to themselves now?
Please don't assume that the majority of us don't understand how BCPs work. We do. A lot of us simply go by the medical definition of pregnancy rather than a religious idea of it. And medically, a fertilized egg isn't a pregnancy.....it's not a pregnancy until it implants in the uterus and is recognized by the woman's body.
Best of luck to you and your FI, but I''ve got $10 that says you're pregnant within the next year or so.
ETA: I'm also wondering if you realize that a fertilized egg can fail to implant and be expelled even if you're not on hormonal contraceptives. In such an event - which isn't uncommon - you'd never know that anything happened, other than that you did not get pregnant that cycle. How do you reconcile yourself with that? If you truly think about it, your beliefs mean that you can only use sex for procreation - otherwise, you always risk "killing" something.
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, but telling them on an internet message board invites others to question them.
I was thinking more of the scene in Legally Blonde when they are talking about each mastubatory(sp?) episode is considered abandonment.
Most of us know how BC works. Most of us have been using it for years with no problems. Also, realize that there is a factor that you haven't thought of and that is human error. If you decide to go the condoms route he has to wear one EVERY single time.
Best of luck to you.
Obviously, a difference in definitions and values regarding pregnancy will shape what birth control a person decides to use. As the OP seems to have done her research on the items she'd looked into, I think she was simply asking for other ideas so she could make her own judgement on what was best for her.
Kaytlen, I sent you a PM
I stated in one of my previous posts that I understand that people believe differently. I understand that people believe that conception happens at different times. I happen to believe that it happens at fertilization not when it is implanted into the uterus (the medical definition). I also understand that sometimes a fertilized egg will fail to implant even when you are not birth control, but that is a natural event that takes place--not something that I caused. And I also know that a condom must be worn EVERY single time. And the only reason why I listed how birth control works is because some of the posts said that they had never heard of this, so I was just trying to put the information out there.
I would suggest that you would use several natural methods if you do not want take a BCP. I have friends who have used them along with occasional condoms and they have been effective.
There is one that you take your daily temp. One that you test your V. Mucus and charting.
Honestly my H and I were virgins when we got married and we had said to be safe that we would use condoms, we have been married a little over a month and we have used maybe 4.
Original Poster:
Check out Taking Charge of Your Fertility (ovusoft.com). Charting is very effective especially when used in conjunction with a barrier method. DH and I have been using it for 3 years with absolutely no problems - and we never want children. It's the only form of BC I trust. It might be a good option for you. Take the time to read up on it. The boards over there are very helpful and people are happy to help out.
Congrats on your wedding!
Most good OBGYN's won't give an IUD to someone who hasn't had children because of the risk of puncture to the uterine wall.
Since you're a virgin, I recommend not using Nuvaring (I hated it, I was a virgin, I could feel it, and it made me sick).
I was against using BCPs for the longest time and found they're the easiest method. I set an alarm on my phone to remind me to take them. Depending on which brand, they're generally the cheapest. Mine, without insurance, costs $25/month. That is equivalent to two boxes of condoms.
Condoms work just fine when used properly and have an 80%ish effictiveness rate. We used Durex brand as those were the only ones I wasn't allergic to. Lifestyles break fairly often--the one time I had a condom break it was a Lifestyles condom. YOU HAVE TO USE THEM EVERY SINGLE TIME. They make cleanup easy though.
As for the sponge method, I have no idea. I think it would be a major buzz kill to have to stop and insert a sponge and stuff before sex, JMHO.
Good luck, and remember to have a bottle of lube handy.
I also believe that fertilization is the beginning stages of life...I understand where you are coming from. That being said, the pill, IUD, shot, implanon, and more versions of BC all PREVENT said fertilization from happening, not cause it to expell from your body.
Does that make sense? If you are really want 100% natural way of doing something, charting is your only option.
Yes there are side effects but for the most part it will help lessen some of the symptoms that cause major trouble for some people. Mine helped relieve pain with cramping and for some woman it makes them more regular rather than all over the place. The side effects are different as you may have a different reaction to certain pill brands because they have different amounts of the estrogen and progesterone.
I guess for myself so far there's been nothing overly wrong that has made me decide against BCP.
False.
When we started we used both condoms and the sponge (DH is slightly paranoid). The sponge worked fine, it was nice because I could leave it in so I only had to worry about it like once a day or something. However, it did sting so we stopped using it.
We've been pregnancy free for 4 years using only condoms. I actually prefer condoms. We're TTC right now, so we're not using them, but I can't wait until they come back because it's more comfortable for me and clean up is waaay easier.