Entertaining Ideas
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Housewarming and registry
We recenty got married and bought our first house (within two weeks of eachother). We did a destination wedding and therefore did not register for gifts (instead "Your presence is our Present). We are back and getting settled in and want to have a housewarming party to show our house to family and friends. I have been reading that it is "tacky" to have a registry for housewarming parties, however after purchasing the house and paying for a wedding we are low on cash for some household items. Family and friends keep asking what we need, so we considered doing a registry. Do you think including a registry on our invites would appear as if we are only in it for the presents? Is there away to let people (those that have asked) know what we need without making it look like gifts are required. we'd appreciate your input. Thanks!!
Re: Housewarming and registry
Never, ever, ever put a registry on an invitation. It's about as tacky as tacky gets.
For those that ask, I would mention (or better yet, let someone like your parents mention) a few things that you'd like, but really, the purpose of a housewarming party isn't to furnish your home. Those that feel compelled to bring something typically bring a small hostess-type gift (coasters, guest towels, etc).
Spot on. If people ask a few small items would be okay, or your parents can say "they are setting up a new home." People may bring anything from nothing to planters or gift certs. A housewarming gift isn't the same as a wedding gift.
Ditto kimnelson.
Registry information on an invitation is horribly tacky. Yes, it will make it look like you expect people to bring gifts to attend your party.
And even though some stores do now have a "housewarming registry", it isn't a polite or universally accepted thing. The purpose of a housewarming party is for the new homeowners to show off their house - it has NEVER been a party to furnish the new home. Typical housewarming gifts include plants and wine - small gestures, nothing more.
And here's the part about owning your decisions and accepting the consequences. You made the decision to have a destination wedding, which meant that you (hopefully) didn't have a bridal shower and didn't have a regular reception to which guests typically bring gifts. That was your decision. The consequence of that is that you didn't get a bunch of new things to furnish your house with - you have to live with that, not find other ways to obligate your friends and family to buy you things. If having a fully furnished house 2 weeks after your wedding was that important to you, you shouldn't have spent so much on your wedding that you're broke now.
Right. But a shower, by it's very definition, is a gift-giving party - you "shower" the guest of honor with gifts. A shower is a party with a gift-giving obligation, so including registry information is seen as ok (or no more rude than the idea of the party itself, anyway).
Weddings and housewarming parties are not considered gift-giving parties. Guests typically do bring gifts, but it's not supposed to be an expectation......and that's why including registry information for those parties is rude and presumptuous.
This. Have your parents say when asked, "They could really use gift cards to Home Depot - all that lawn equipment to buy, you know!" or something along those lines.
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Ditto to both of you.
I always say, "Life is about choices and consequences, both positive and negative".
It was always my understanding that housewarming gifts were small and/or usually a bottle of wine or booze to stock the bar.
I wouldn't. You could have your family spread the word that gift cards would be appreciated.
I agree. Do not register for gifts. It will not be received well.
You do have every right to throw a big, fun housewarming party to THANK the guests who traveled for your big day and to show off your new house. Also - your guests will bring you some gifts and you won't look greedy.
Your house is going to need things for the rest of your life anyways...
Good Luck!
I agree that in general a registry is tacky, but in our case everyone we knew was asking where we were registered, also, most of the other housewarming invitations we've received have also had registry information.
While I'm usually a stickler for etiquette, I also think that you have to consider your guests and their expectations. For this reason we did register, and were very surprised at the amount of gifts we got. While not necessary, they were appreciated.
So in short, I think it depends on your situation. Another option would be to register and just let your close fam/friends know if they ask.
Etiquette is an accepted form of behavior for a society as a whole. There aren't exceptions. Just because something is commonly done doesn't mean that it's proper or acceptable.
I was thinking this too. I mean, doesn't this go back to when your mom said to you, "If everyone else was jumping off of a cliff . . ."
I guess assuming that the whole of the U.S was a homogenous society then you might be correct. Obviously this is not the case- and apparently no one is allowed to deviate from "the norm" that you hold in such high regard. Forgive me for thinking that diversity is a good thing.
I'm just offering a different perspective to the conversation...just my own opinion.
Wow, I have to say that I am amazed at the number of responses to this post. I venture to say that it validated the need to ask the question in the first place. I appreciate all the postive and helpful responses, however I could have done without the preachy judgemental responses about "owning your decisions and accepting the consequences".
Choosing to have a small destination wedding was the most amazing experience we could have asked for and nothing could be more important than sharing it with our close family and friends. No gifts were accepted along any part of this experience (no registries ever created).
We are leaning towards creating a registry to make things easier for those that have specifically asked what we needed (and there are alot). Not only is it in the nature of family and friends to want to give to their loved ones (at most significant occasions), but we also had members of the family that naturally where unable to attend our wedding and therefore they wish to give us something we could use in our new home.
I would have to agree that not all housewarming parties are the same and it does depend on the guests. We will not be including it on the invites, but the registries will be there for those that want to contribute to this exciting part of our lives. Not everything is black and white....and cliche statements that your mother used to give you are just as unecessary as the excuse that you should follow the masses which dictate etiquette.
Nothing about our wedding or our house has been considered typical, however we have managed not to offend any of our close family and friends. It has only been since I tried to seek an outside opinion that I find rude and presumpuous statements from party "experts". We will continue our humble amateur ways. Thank you!
It's pretty apparent that you knew what you were going to do all along. I'm not really sure why you bothered asking for advice that you knew you'd disregard. But hey, have fun. I'm sure that anyone who can't make it to your housewarming party will just be dying to buy you something, so you can have another party and create more registries to "help them out".
lol. you are a funny person. You are sooo certain you know our motives. You figured it out!!!....We are in it for the presents. Y didnt I realize this before. I could have had my family pay for our wedding and our house on top of it!!!!
I will take your "advice" and accept the "consequences" of our actions, and enjoy the beautiful memories we have with our family and friends. Thanks again!!
kimnelson0...Never, ever, ever put a registry on an invitation.....For those that ask, I would mention (or better yet, let someone like your parents mention) a few things that you'd like.....Just because something is commonly done doesn't mean that it's proper or acceptable
6fsn.....If people ask a few small items would be okay
TarHeels&R........Have your parents say when asked, "They could really use gift cards to Home Depot - all that lawn equipment to buy, you know!" or something along those lines.
HTB.....You could have your family spread the word that gift cards would be appreciated
badbridey.... I also think that you have to consider your guests and their expectations. For this reason we did register, and were very surprised at the amount of gifts we got
I find ALL of these as positive and HELPFUL. Its all about perspective.
Some people like to hear another perspective to make sure they are making a good choice, others like to hear what they were planning on doing all along in order to validate their decisions.
I am going to say no to the registry. If you had registered for your wedding and there were still items on there then maybe if people specifically asked you what you wanted you could mention it, but since you didn't have one for your wedding I wouldn't. If people do ask, mention the colors of your home and some key items that you might need (obviously within reason).
I am surprised that people say housewarming gifts are just a bottle of wine or two dish towels. Around here, when people have housewarming parties they typically receive gifts equivalent to that of a shower gift. This just goes to show you that it is not the same everywhere.
My vote is to register but do not include this information on the invitation. I think it's perfectly fine for newlyweds/new home owners to have a registry and direct friends/family to it if you are asked. (and only if asked!) If anything, you can get a discount at the store to complete your registry when you start buying the items yourself.
The difference is also who is hosting. For a housewarming party, you are hosting it yourself. "Bring ME gifts!" But a shower, someone else is hosting. "Lets all bring Suzy gifts!"