Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Virgin on wedding night
Hi I'm getting married in december and wondered if there were any others out there who will be virgins on their wedding night? I know as the months go by my fiance and I are getting more and more excited but also in the back of my mind is the wedding night fears and nerves. What should I expect? What should I do to be prepared? How do you overcome the nerves as a virgin being intimate for the first time? I am totally in love with my fiance and I know he will be patient but will I know what to do? He is not a virgin as he was married very young and then divorced a few years later. Just looking for some advice or others in the same situation.
224 Ready to Celebrate
Re: Virgin on wedding night
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
Masturbate and learn what feels good for you and what you like. This way you will be able to show him how to please you.
Use lube and take it slow.
Don't expect fireworks your first time
It will probably hurt the first few times, but should get better
Discuss birthcontrol before hand and have it in place before hand
this!
Also, pee after sex EVERY TIME to prevent UTI's
Please let's not have that conversation again.
To the OP: just relax, don't worry about "not knowing what to do," and don't expect it to be amazing. Most people's first time isn't. Good luck!
Get a book called "Our Bodies, Our Selves" and figure out how your respective sex organs work. Figure out how your menstrual cycle works, how birth control works and where all of the physical parts are located. This is important to your understanding and enjoyment of sex.
Get a hand mirror and look at your genitalia. Locate your clitoris, labia, vaginal opening etc. Chances are they aren't where you think they are. Tug, rub, stroke all of your parts. Some of it will feel better than others. Your clitoris has 8000 nerve endings. Enjoy them. Learn what works for your pleasure so that you can show it to your husband.
How often are you guys having physical contact currently? Don't expect that your wedding ring is going to turn your sex lives into wild frenzied sex fests. If you guys aren't super passionate, can barely restrain yourself from sex now, you won't be super passionate after the vows. Look down a couple of pages on this board and you will see a lot of women who waited until their wedding nights and who are now disappointed in the frequency of sex in their marriage. The passion that you have now will be the passion you have later. Wedding rings won't change someone's sex drive.
Start thinking about birth control! If you're thinking about the pill, you want to be on it a few months ahead of time so that your body has adjusted and your period is regular. Also...condoms??? If you don't use condoms, expect leakage...immediately after and several hours later. Be prepared with towels.
Not sure what your physical activities include now, but we did other things before having sex, and it made the first time way more comfortable and enjoyable and less painful. Of course, you'll do what you're comfortable with.
Also, start talking about sex. Since he's not a virgin, he knows about his sex drive and when he wants it, even though it sounds like it's been a while for him. You won't know this until afterwards, but at least talk about what you think your expectations will be for how often. It's the forbidden fruit right now, but you might not have it as often as you think. Keep talking about it after your married. You might be in the mood at different parts of the day or jobs and stress might hamper it too. You just don't know yet. Compromise and find a rhythm. Sexual incompatibility issues seem to be a probably with other posters who are virgins before marriage. Fortunately for you, you're asking for advice now and not after things start to head south.
I've also read other Nestie virgins that they weren't exactly successful their first try. Again, I would talk about it before, so that if it does happen, you're prepared. I would say this doesn't have to be a big deal because you can do other things to help you become more comfortable being naked with him, develop that intimacy, and still have fun!
Overall, realistic expectations=happy wedding night and beyond...
This. It's not clich?, it's so cute I could gag.
what all pps said.
relax, have fun with it, dont take things too seriously
It's not even cute. It's pretty pathetic to think that your virginity is really the best "gift" that you can give anyone. I don't consider my sexuality to be a commodity that can be "given".
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
I am side-eyeing the above post. I am pretty sure that sex was "created" for reproduction purposes not a gift one gives to another human being. But whatevs
to the OP something else I thought of:
Sex is messy, it isn't like the movies. So don't get weirded out when you see how messy it gets. Keep a towel close by for cleanup purposes.
Also, when 2 bodies come together there can be weird sounds, which are totally normal. Just laugh it off if it happens.
**Nestie Besties with Deutschefairy**
Diagnosed PCOS '03, TTC #1 Since March '09
BFP - 10/20/10, M/C - 10/29/10
June 2011 - 50mg Clomid = No O
Dieted and exercised my butt off for PCOS = BFP 5/7/2012
Due 12/29/2012
My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding night. Since he's rather large and I am small it hurt quite a bit, but I think that's also because I was tense and nervous. You'll be a little nervous too, but trying to relax is important to keep the pain at bay. But don't be afraid to yell if you have to--it helps!
It will probably hurt a little the first few times until your body stretches a bit (use lube), but after that it's great.
Just a thought...
I'm another person who is waiting, and I've seen a few of these threads and it comes as a bit of a shock that people always suggest doing things on one's own. I know that personally, my religion (Catholic) forbids both premarital sexual contact and self stimulation, so it always seems a little off somehow that the reply to a virgin bride is to go and try things on her own. Just sayin'.
The OP did not say she was Catholic. Plus, even the Catholic Church recognizes that masturbation is "a normal phenomenon of sexual development, especially among the young".
Never heard Catholics are against masturbation before. That's a new one!
But it's solid advice. Sex is more enjoyable when you're familiar with your body and what it responds to. Being familiar with your vaginal area (rather than viewing it as a dirty thing that you can't touch) frees up a lot of inhibition and helps you to guide your partner (who likely doesn't have a vagina) to what makes you feel good - after all, if you don't know what you like, how can you truly expect someone else to know?
If you truly feel that God will get angry with you if you masturbate, you're certainly entitled to your prerogative. But there really isn't any helpful advice to give to someone with opinions like yours. Pray about it, I guess? Read some books about sex?
Ugh, that is gross. The best gift you can give your H is your virginity?? Do you live in Saudi Arabia and wear a burka too?
So I can never give my H as big of a gift as you did because I've chosen to have sex with other men (and am glad I did)? This is one of the most misogynistic statements I've ever heard from a woman, and I NEVER use that word.
This is EXACTLY why I'm no longer religious. Ugh.
Awesome gift?
I got this sick rhetoric when I came of age in the Sixties. My mother was real old school Catholic and that is what I was told.
I DO NOT advocate virgin marriages. Period.
Wait a minute, Holly - do you mean that your H wasn't a virgin, but you were? So you weren't able to received this "greatest gift"? How does that make you feel? You don't seem that tore up about it. Do you really think it matters?
Or is it just a special gift when women give their virginity to men?
Ugh. A guy that looks for women that are virgins just creeps me right the hell out. I can't imagine.
I also do NOT advocate virgin marriages. And I do NOT advocate relying on your spouse to provide 100% of your sexual satisfaction, which is why we often suggest masturbating, at the very least. YOUR sexuality is YOURS, and never belongs to anyone else.
Wouldn't that be a much more empowering thing to believe? It sure is for me.
Oh yeah so my eternal love is nothing next to an in tacked hymen. You're an IDIOT
Time to put on your big girl panties
I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
I wonder if she thinks it's only an unbroken hymen the greatest gift and a man virginity has no meaning what so ever.
Time to put on your big girl panties
I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
and plus hymen's are usually broken by various non-sexual encounters-sports, tampon use, riding horses, etc.
You know how you can have a good wedding night? Start farking his brains out NOW. Its going to hurt, be uncomfortable, etc., as all the PPs already mentioned.
And while I sort of understand the "wanting to wait" thing, you have NO idea how many posts we see on here because of incompatible sex drives because the bride and groom waited. Not minor issues, either. Everything from one person not wanting sex at all and being hounded by the spouse, to (unknown) porn additions, to expectations that W will give her H a blow job but he refuses to reciprocate.
So, again, if you want to have a good wedding night, start having sex now. Figure out what works for both of you.
Seriously, you're going to marry him anyway, right? So what's the big deal?
Correct me if Im wrong, but doesnt the bible tell us that sex was created for procreation, not as a gift to be given to your husband, becuase if its a gift Im pretty sure he would prefer a new truck or something more tangible
True.
And to the poster who stated that she's Catholic, and so can't masturbate. If you're going to follow all the Catholic church's laws, you can only have sex for to make the babies. And I hope you're not on bc, don't use condoms and only have regular sex, no oral.
You don't get to pick and choose.
Alecto, my dear, have I professed my love for thee today?
224 Ready to Celebrate