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This is beginning to become a major problem..
Hi girls. I'm new to the nest, as I've only been married a month, but this problem has been on going for a while now.
Whenever my H and I have sex I really get into it at first, but after a while, I lose my interest. I'm not a good faker, AT ALL, and he can tell the minute that I've had my fill. It's to the point now where I don't even enjoy it very much anymore and I feel horrible because I know he wants to make me happy and this is a big chunk of our relationship. I think I might just be burnt out on sex right now.
I mean, we have two young children, and very hectic schedules. He's away for a week at a time for work and when he gets home, I just want a break from the kid's and he just wants to jump into bed with me. I do want to be with him and have sex with him, I just don't know how to go about it anymore.
Any thoughts for the newbie? TIA!
Re: This is beginning to become a major problem..
You need to tell your DH the truth. You are burned out from dealing with the kids on your own while he is away, and even though you missed him, when he gets home you are just exhausted and not feeling sexy. Ask for his help to figure out a plan that can give you a break, and hopefully feeling like sex.
The night before he comes home, is it possible that someone (a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, best friend?) could babysit the kids overnight,and the next day so that you could have some me time and relax by yourself? A long bath, wine, a cheesy dvd, early to bed, sleep in the next morning?
Is your lack of enthusiasm a new development or have you always felt this way and covered it up better in the past?
To put it bluntly, I can imagine that your H comes home all frisky, you are beat up after caring for the kids all week and when things get going, your feelings of "Oh god, this is just another thing that is being demanded of me." interfere with your desire to enjoy sex with your husband.
I strongly ditto the PP suggestion of getting a babysitter/housecleaner (whatever the biggest demand on your time is) for the day before your H comes home. Right now you probably feel like he gets to be gone all week and come home to a loving family, tidy house, while you are stuck in the trenches all the time. By giving you an afternoon of *you* time, you will feel less put upon, less like mommy/maid and more like the woman you are inside. Don't feel like it is a waste of money to have a fun loving local teenager come in on Thursday afternoon/evenings for pizza night with the kids -- you and your feelings are important and the $50 you would spend on it will make a world of difference to your outlook.
And if your H protests at the cost, look him square in the eye and ask "How much is good sex worth to you?"
This happens to me sometimes too. It's usually because I have so much other stuff on my mind or if I'm stressed out about something.
Hey, are you on birth control by any chance? I was for nearly two yrs. and it totally screwed w/ my sex drive. After I went off of it though things got more fun and my desire came back.
One thing I can recommend is to use lube. It helps you stay "interested" for longer and helps make you and him finish faster. Other than that I would say try you on top instead of him, and try really hard to stay focused on what you are doing without letting your mind wander.
I agree w/ the birth control comment. The pill made it hard for me to want sex, or rather, I WANTED it mentally, but I'd have a hard time staying in the moment. Music helps with that. Something soothing and kind of sexy works to give my mind something to focus on besides a quiet room. James Taylor does it for me, but whatever floats your boat is good.
One of my favorite times is when I am in bed before G (my DH), and he comes in and seduces me while I'm all drowsy. Being half asleep actually helps put me more in the mood.
I think everyone else is on spot with their suggestions to get some me time. I am working full time right now while G finishes up school, so while he has some time off during the days (all afternoon on T, Th & F) to be by himself, I rarely do.I can't imagine what it would be like if I was taking care of kiddies too! Get yourself a baby sitter!!
I agree with this completely. My placebo week I am always into it. Then the next week it is back to no libido. Alas- No other method has really worked for me so I suppose I just gotta find ways to get into it until we are ready for kids.
I am on birth control, but I have the Mirena. Talk about a PITA. It has made me gain weight, and totally screwed with my head. I want to take it out, but I can't take BC pills because of health complications. So this is the only way for me, until DH decides on when he will go and get snipped.
Thanks for all the suggestions girls! I've started a workout routine, and hopefully that will help to clear my head and give me a boost of self esteem and make me more 'in the mood.'
Well here's hoping!