Entertaining Ideas
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how to address 'no kids invited' ?
I'm throwing a birthday party for my DH; a casual cookout on a weekend evening. We don't have children but many of the couples we're inviting do. How do I politely discourage them from bringing their children? I think most will enjoy the chance to get away without the kids but some I have a feeling will want to bring them; especially the newer parents that can't be away and also want to sort of introduce their babies. I want the focus to be on my DH, not everyone's kids and babies.
I'll be sending out invitations within a month; is this something that is addressed on them or just by word of mouth?
Re: how to address 'no kids invited' ?
Address the invites to just the parents. Your invite appearance and the time of the party can also indicate adult party. Then I'd do a little word of mouth and if people try to RSVP their kids have a response ready. "i'm sorry for the misunderstanding, but this isn't really a kid friendly party.
I have to be honest this "most will enjoy the chance to get away without the kids" irritates me. If I want a night out without my kid I can find a sitter without someone telling me to. I don't have a problem with not wanting kids there, but I always find it presumptuous of people to think they know what I want...even before I had a kid.
I'm throwing a birthday party for my DH; a casual cookout on a weekend evening. This type of event is usually family friendly. It's not like it's a fancy cocktail party.
We don't have children but many of the couples we're inviting do. How do I politely discourage them from bringing their children? Discouraging and not inviting kids are very different. If kids are invited, that's rude to discourage them. If you don't want kids, you have to make it clear that kids aren't invited. You have to be prepared for people declining your invite if their kids can't come.
I think most will enjoy the chance to get away without the kids but some I have a feeling will want to bring them; especially the newer parents that can't be away and also want to sort of introduce their babies. That's not for you to decide. By removing the option of bringing their kids, you aren't helping. You are MAKING them leave the kids at home. And it's not that they "can't be away" from their kids... it's that maybe that event isn't worth it.
I want the focus to be on my DH, not everyone's kids and babies. ???? I can't even comment.
This is always a touchy subject on the nest, so expect negative responses.
I've had one adults-only party (none of our friends have kids, so it's only been an issue once). It was a thing we threw for all DH's employees, and since he was the boss and hosting 50 people for dinner, it was easy for him to say "your kids aren't invited, get a sitter." We also sent out invites 7 weeks early to give plenty of time for people to arrange for childcare. I know several of the couples went in together on a sitter.
Set your party for later in the evening, maybe a 7:30 or 8:00 start. Consider changing the food to something more sophisticated. (You can still cook out, but take it up from hamburgers & hot dogs.) Send out nice invitations, not cutesy ones. And I think this article has a good suggestion for how to specifically and directly handle the no kids.
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I agree with a lot of what julie said.
As a parent, I can tell you this - if I received an invite to a late afternoon/early evening BBQ, and you had met and spent time with my child before, I'd honestly assume that he was invited too. This sounds like a family-friendlyish event.
If it were a more sophisticated event happening later in the evening, I wouldn't even consider bringing my kid because it would seem pretty apparent that it wasn't going to be family friendly. I'd either get a babysitter or I'd send my regrets.
It's your party and I understand not wanting kids underfoot. But understand and expect that most of the "newer" parents will decline your invite once they find out that kids aren't invited. If they are really new parents, their lives most likely still revolve around their baby, and new moms might still be nursing and aren't going to want to have to pump at your party.
Have the party you want, but don't get mad at parents who aren't able to attend.
A casual cookout is normally family friendly, however it doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. Being a new mom I understand it from both points of view. Before I was a mom I preferred no kid gatherings because lets face it when kids are there that is everyone's focus and the tone of the party is different. However, now that I am a new mom, I'm more likely to decline coming to events when I can't bring my baby. I much more prefer gatherings where children are the main focus and a huge part in all the fun. Especially since I am a working mom and my weekends are when I get to spend the most time with my daughter I won't go to as many adults only events.
That being said if you are having a casual cookout you will need to let people know it is adults only, otherwise people will assume they can bring their children. The way you address the invites is the best way to go.
I actually had a situation where a cousin was having a surprise party for her husband. It was during the day and a cookout. She addressed the invite to myself and my husband only. Because of that I assumed that it was no kids...at the same time I wondered why I couldn't bring her if it was a cookout style party, but just figured she didn't want kids. Turns out when I got there the first thing I was asked was where was the baby. We were supposed to bring her, but assumed we weren't supposed to based on how the invite was addressed.
You could simply put Adults only on the invitation. I don't think you should have to make it a fancy party just so kids aren't allowed. You can still have a casual adults only party. I really don't people will get offended if you say adults only. I know I wouldn't be.
Nearly every party DH and I host are a no-kid zone. So what we've done in the past is used "an evening for adults". Or/and you can end your invite by saying something along the lines of "so get your sitter and join us for night of bbq, burgers, and beers."
BTW ~
When our friends with kids send out invites for certain parties, they have no trouble telling people simply to "find a sitter". Sometimes I feel like it's okay for people with kids to want a no-kid party, but if you don't have kids then it's not kosher.
Some people may not be able to make it because of not being able to get a sitter, but I'm sure that you already know that and are fine with it...we always are.
GL!
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I agree with this post and think the wording is a great choice for the invites!
I agree with all the PP. But also, with regard to new babies, there is this unspoken rule that any child under 3 months old is expected to be brought to parties, weddings and other events with the parents. It is because they're so itty bitty and usually breast feeding and all that. They usually just sleep in their car seat anyway in the corner of a room.
To handle it nicely, if someone wants to bring a child, I say "I'm not providing any entertainment for kids. This is an adult party." People are OK so long as they know what to expect. if they're not OK and they push their kids on being there, then they're lame people and you'd do better to not have them there anyway!
I really like the idea of starting the party later. Most kids go to bed by 7/8pm so that will only encourage parents to not bring them.
Seems like the *only* way is to include "adults only party" on the invite.
I don't think word of mouth will work. I also don't think that addressing the envelope to the parents only is full-proof. (*especially* b/c it's a casual event)
Also, maybe it's just the semantics in your post, but I agree with PP about there being a difference between discouraging and not inviting. Another PP wrote about 3 month old babies, which I totally agree with, but you don't want them taking away attention from your husband, so avoid exceptions.
HTH.
Don't take it so personally--if you're not on her guest list, then it shouldn't irritate you. I'm just taking a guess here, but she probably knows her friends pretty well and has a pretty good idea of whether or not they enjoy time away from their kids to be with people closer to their own age. My friends with kids always tell me they're looking forward to an afternoon/evening out with adults when we invite them to a kid-free event.
This wording is really nice. It sounds more positive than "No children".
I find that the second paragraph is true in my life as well. I hope that you have a great adult party! ;-)
Nearly every party DH and I host are a no-kid zone. So what we've done in the past is used "an evening for adults". Or/and you can end your invite by saying something along the lines of "so get your sitter and join us for night of bbq, burgers, and beers."
This. I have two little ones and I would love to get an invite like this. It is direct without offending. Go for it!
LOVE this wording, and it allows you to keep your cookout casual.
Really? I've never heard/been in that situation. I always thought it was considered rude to bring a new baby to a shower, and my friends all get sitters for weddings and parties, even with brand new babies.
Ditto Pook. I've always been taught that it's rude to bring a child, no matter how old, unless specifically invited, especially for something like a wedding. I don't have kids, but I would feel absolutely awful if I banked on some "unspoken rule" and my baby wailed through somebody's wedding vows.
you aren't glued to your seat - why would you sit there while your baby wailed? most people would stay in the back of the ceremony area so that they can exit quickly and quietly without walking through the aisle.
and some choose to attend a wedding and one parents stays outside the ceremony area with the baby in case of noise, and just rejoins everyone at the ceremony.
Common courtesy would say you would remove a screaming child, but common courtesy would also say that you wouldn't bring an uninvited guest. If you're someone's guest, you go by their rules. There are always people who think it doesn't apply to them, like my sister who brought her 6 month old to my evening, adults only wedding even though we specifically said no children.
I can't imagine any of my group bringing a baby to a wedding or shower, but I guess that varies by region or whatever.
I think this varies in different areas of the county. In general, things tend to be pretty kid-friendly around here. I have yet to go to a kid-free shower or wedding. That said, I haven't brought my son to any weddings because sitting through an hour ceremony and slow moving dinners would be painful for him (and me!) at this ago. I did bring him to a shower as an infant. He slept for 90% of the party. I would never bring him somewhere without clarifying if it were okay with the host.
I would make sure to state on the invite adult only. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. As I parent, I respect that, but quite often have chosen not to attend these type of events because of the high cost of having a baby sitter for the evening. Especially if it's a daytime event, many parents may not want to give up the time with their children for the b-day party of an adult.