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NYC vs. CT - Help!!
My DH and I have been married for 1 month, and together for about 4 years. He was married before and has 2 kids that live in CT (girl,11, boy, 7). We live in Manhattan and also work here.
Since I've been with him, he has had the kids Tues, Thurs. and Sat. nights every week and has an apt. in CT so that he can be with them on these nights. He takes the train in on those days and is usually late to work (around 9:30 AM) and leaves early the night before (4:00 PM). His boss is ok with this. I go to CT almost every weekend to hang out with the kids and with him, as my boss is not ok with me leaving early and coming in late all the time.
I am mostly ok with this schedule now, although it took some time to get used to it. But it has been for the sake of the kids, which is an important thing, I feel. He is not ok with it -- and we really can't afford to have 2 apartments. He wants me to move to CT full time and either commute into the city for my job, or get a job in CT.
However, I love NYC. I moved to NYC because I want to live here, and to tell you the truth, so does he. CT is way too laid back and suburban for the 2 of us, especially becasue he is in a band and would do that all the time if he could, which he won't be able to do the same way in CT. And his ex-wife made him move to CT and that is one of the major reasons they didnt work out.
There is also added pressure because I am about to quit my job, so it would make sense for me to take this time to move to CT. I need to figure out a solution soon, as this is putting a lot of stress on our relationship and we are supposed to be really happy right now!!
Need advice!! Thanks.
Re: NYC vs. CT - Help!!
I suppose it depends on what kind of relationship you want to have with his children. If you want to be a "family" then you should absolutely move to CT. One night a week (for you) may not be enough to integrate yourself as their stepmother, perhaps more of a "visitor". Also, you're living apart from DH several nights a week, perhaps unnecessarily. You and DH really should have a good long conversation (it's never too late) about your expectations of each other and your plans for the future. (with regard to his kids, your plans for more kids, where you want to raise them, etc.) Whether living in NYC is more fun than living in CT is mostly irrelevant if one is incompatible with your future as a family.
You should consider posting this on the "blended families" board of the nest/bump. You may get some useful feedback from other wives in similar situations (ie making sacrifices to accommodate DH's children)