Need your experiences/opinions about destination weddings

buckeyegirl58

Not mine, of course!    My cousin is having a DW in the summer.  I'm having mixed feelings about going- I feel like I HAVE to, because she is my cousin, but I don't really have the extra money or extra vacation days.  I'm probably being a little stingy with both of the above, though.  Three major problems- she's having it in Mexico, where I don't want to go AT ALL, esp. b/c of the recent violence; the wedding is in the middle of the week (Tuesday) so you are basically forced to take off at least 3 days from work; my husband is going to school now, and if he misses has to write an absurdly long research paper for each HOUR of classes that he misses.  It's 1,000 words for every hour missed--> 5 hours of class per night-->  3 days missed-->  FIFTEEN THOUSAND WORDS! 

 So, here is my question- do most people plan dw's in the middle of the week like this?  Is this a common practice?  I just feel like it is completely insensitive to other people's vacation time.  I know it's her wedding, but I was sensitive to others when I planned my wedding, so I don't think that is exactly an excuse.  Thanks for your feedback!

 

martinilove

First of all, you should not feel obligated to go!  The beauty of having a DW is that it's a nice getaway, typically much more cost effective and more of a private event than the traditional weddings.  However, when a couple plans a DW, they should do it with the expectation that there are going to be people who can't make it due to financial constraints, vacation time, etc.  I'm sure if your cousin has any sort of heart, she'll understand why you can't go.  Are you really close to her to where you feel it's important you should be there?

As for it being during the week...that is pretty common with DW's.  It costs less and when you're on a vacation, there's really no schedule or rule that says it should be on a weekend!  The point of weddings being on the weekend is so that your guests can be there; but when it's a DW, everyone is already there so you can have it whenever!

Good luck with your decision!

miabambina

My instinct says that people that plan DWs understand, and accept, that a lot of people won't be able to make it.  The fact that they planned this one in the middle of the week I would think they expect a lot of people not to make it.  I've never seen one in the middle of the week like that. I tend to lean towards them being very understanding that you can't make it.  I think people who plan DWs have to come to this realization, and maybe sometimes do it on purpose because they don't want a huge affair.  Granted I don't know your cousin, so I could be completely off! 

buckeyegirl58

Thanks for your responses ladies!

To answer the question about whether we are close, as a blanket answer, I would say yes.  We are fairly close, but I guess you could say that we have a little bit of a dysfunctional relationship.    Her mom is my mom's sister, and my mom passed away about 3 years ago.  At this time, they kind of took over as my "adoptive family", but only through their words, not their actions, and I have been very hurt by them, which is a lot of why I don't think I should make an extreme amount of extra effort to go.  (The perfect example of this would be that my aunt wanted to take the "mother of the bride" place in the wedding, but literally did NOTHING to act that way....she never threw me a shower (but is throwing one for my cousin), kept saying she would then pushing it off, didn't help AT ALL with the planning, etc.) The one thing besides that is that they all did come to my wedding, which wasn't near their home, but that is really only because everyone is scattered around the country.  We had the wedding in my husband's hometown, so it wasn't a dw.  If I don't go I am almost positive that it will cause a huge rift, and I am not huge on conflict....Sorry for the long vent/explanation!

 

PunkyBooster

People who plan DWs understand that many people are unable to attend.

Unless she's planning to get married in Juarez, I wouldn't let the fear of violence make my decision for me.  Money and time off from school/work are both very valid concerns.

MrsZP2B

I would decline the invite in your situation.

I had a DW.

I did have my DW on a Monday, so everyone flew out on Saturday and returned home on Tuesday requiring 2 vacation days.  I certainly wouldn't have been upset if someone couldn't get the 2 days off and couldn't come, and we only invited those we could afford to take with us.  I wouldn't feel right inviting people on a very expensive trip that they would likely feel obligated to attend, and leaving the financial burden on them.

sctiger

I don't think you should feel obligated to go.  It seems like so much of an extra burden and I wouldn't stress myself out to attend!  I'm not a fan of destination weddings because it prohibits many people from coming that would like to be there, but due to finances or other circumstances aren't able to.

We're going to an OOT wedding in November and it's going to be a PITA.  We're close to the bride (DH's cousin, and she was in our wedding), but it's in Texas, I have to buy an expensive dress (I'm a BM), and it's Thanksgiving weekend.