Poll: Marriage Comment

Paula051907

Someone on FB commented the other day to her brother "They say the first 3 years of marriage are the hardest... hope they continue smooth sailing for you!  Happy 2nd anniversary!"

I'd never heard this comment before.  Am I the only one who hadn't heard this?

I'd always been given the impression (and people acted like it should be for us) that the first year or two of marriage is the "honeymoon" phase where everything's hunky dory, balloons & rainbows, etc.  To live anything BUT the picture-perfect, we-have-sex-all-the-time-and-are-crazy-in-love meant something was wrong, it seemed.

So, as we near our 3-year anniversaries...

[Poll]

Melanie051907

I voted no but could have said yes because we added a baby to the mix.  There were and still are some tense times in our house when there is a screaming toddler, long work hours and fighting over what to have for dinner.

I think there will always be a time when we'll look back and say, really that wasn't as bad as I thought.

flyer1982

Mel I answered yes for the reasons you listed. I think the marriage would have been a lot smoother sailing if we didn't throw the baby into the mix.

But I agree that I think down the road we will look back and it won't really seem that bad!

HokieLaw

I have heard that and I agree in some instances.

I think the first few years of LIVING together are the hardest.  Because if you don't live together before marriage, you have a LOT to get used to (like the toilet seat being up and YH's habits about not putting dishes in the sink or whatever) which can cause a lot of little fights. 

I think the first year having a child is probably the hardest of all on a marriage though from watching my sister and her husband.

Duffinger

I said "Other" just b/c I don't know what's in store for me down the road.  These 3 years haven't been a walk in the park every single day, but they haven't been all-terrible either.  But if these are the hardest years, hooray!

blairsgirl

I put yes because there were a lot of things that have happened in the three years that made it stressful: buying a house, job changes, job travel, infertility, having twins, a surprise baby on the way.  MH is a planner, and some of this stuff he couldn't plan for and that made it hard for him which trickled down to me.  But, it seems like a lot now, however I know in a few years we will laugh at it. 

Paula051907

blairsgirl:

I put yes because there were a lot of things that have happened in the three years that made it stressful: buying a house, job changes, job travel, infertility, having twins, a surprise baby on the way.  MH is a planner, and some of this stuff he couldn't plan for and that made it hard for him which trickled down to me.  But, it seems like a lot now, however I know in a few years we will laugh at it. 

I think, in general, reasons such as Kristi listed are why I have to agree that the first 3 years are possibly the toughest.  Regardless of how well-educated, well-travelled, and well-rounded each individual may be, and regardless of how long you've lived together, I think the "newlywed" stereotypes and struggle to sort out exactly how you want your marriage to be - WHILE usually facing such huge life changes as house, job, child stress?  I think it's a volatile recipe.

Of course, I agree with you.  Down the road, it'll seem like a cakewalk. LOL  But those first few years of struggling to define yourself as a married couple (eg: even having lived together for years, people treated us differently after we married), while both of you trying to figure out your individual space/place within the marriage - and outside the marriage (friends, career, family)?

GreysGirl

I put yes, but I probably should have put other because I agree with Val, I don't know what is coming. I would like to think these are the hardest, but with a baby coming in a few weeks I'm sure it will be harder for a few years. We had a really rough first year or so and we dealt with things that fortunately most couples don't have too. So that was hard and awful and was a majority of the reason our first few years were so hard.

Mrs.Graves51907

First I have never heard the three year comment about marriages...I've heard it about businesses though!  I guess a marriage is kind of like a business.

I said other though because our first year was fantastic.  Our second year was hard because of what had happened between my family and MH.  This third year has just been hard because of infertility, job issues, the economy sucking.  Yeah the past two years have been hard but I feel like it was because of things we didn't have much control over if that makes sense.  Had those things happened 10 years into our marriage they would have been just as difficult.

 

MrsAK2RI

I said "No" - I've never heard it before but also despite the ups and downs (blended family/ cross country move/ changing jobs/ buying house/ loosing job) - I'd say this has been the most amazing 3 years of my life - I even told my husband yesterday that I wished everyone could be as happy as we are.

all of the things I listed did add stress, but maybe it's because of how stressful our relationship was before our marriage, like my husband being in the army, dealing with the extreme weather and isolation in AK, and the kids did a lot of adjusting prior to our marriage, it all seems like smooth sailing now. 

I do feel for you ladies adjusting to life with baby - I did that on my own prior to meeting my husband, and I know how hard it can be - I was a train wreck during my second pregnancy - had hubs been around he probably would have had me committed .

Guess it's just different for everyone - I really do wish everyone happiness