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so down :(
for the last couple of weeks me and dh have great days and then there are the other days that i feel so alone and he says that i treat him bad...that i talk to him in attitude-- and i'll admit I wasn't blessed with a lot of patience and ever since he got a new job as a social worker he has a different schedule which is fine i love that however prior to him starting i asked him if we could still go to sleep @ the same time together (which is usually 1130p) and he said yes...however this weekend while we were in chicago to celebrate our 1st anniversary we had a big stupid fight-- i fell asleep next to him and then kept waking up becuz the tv was on, this happened 2 and the thrid time i had an attitude and told him that lets go to sleep...thats when he started to tell me everything...
that i guilt him into doing things...and he just does them so i dont get upset (we r talking about stupid things such as me asking to sleep @ the same time) then he starts to say that most of the time he lies just so i dont get upset...lies about some of my cooking etc...
im just so down we talked about this...i need to change and i guess treat him better but its just i always loved to fall asleep together, its just we have different opinions about different things, but im so down...i feel like we r drifting apart and to know that he lies most of the time because if he were honest then it would make me upset..
i dont know what to do....it doesnt help that I have my period but i feel so alone
Re: so down :(
I'm so sorry your are having a rough time. But trust me you are not alone. No marriage is perfect. There are always up's and down's. But I think it is always important to be completely honest with each other. If there is a concern then it should be expressed. Otherwise a little concern will just become a huge problem. If he doesn't express to you what is bothering him then how are you going to know. What you hear might not always be to your liking but that's the way it goes. You just have to assess the concern and work on it.
You will not always agree on everything but you do have to come to a compromise. For example I happen to have the same situation with DH. He prefers to go to bed late I however have to get my full 8 hours of sleep otherwise I'm in a crabby mood. So we came into an agreement were M-Thur we go to bed at 10ish then Fri-Sun we each go to bed whenever we feel like it. Of course it sometimes changes but for the most part we stick to it.
::Hugs:: I hope your week gets better
thanks sandy so much for your words...i guess what they say about the first year of marriage being a bit tough is right...since that's when you start to really know each other wayyy to well lol
ur absolutely right, but its just hard for me to accept things..
thanks again sandy, i just needed to vent
If there is one thing I would have to pick as the most important thing I have learned about marriage, it is the art of compromise. Our first year of marriage was HARD. It took me a long time to learn how to choose my battles. Yes, sometimes you should keep quiet if it's something stupid that's not worth an argument. If it's something important to you though, find a compromise.
Honestly, to me it sounds like you must be falling into the habit of being a nag, especially if he feels like he has to lie to you so that he won't get yelled at. You sound like you already know what you need to do, though. Yes, you should be nice when you are communicating how you feel so that he won't get cornered into feeling like he can't tell you what he's really thinking. My DH had the same problem - he grew up in a house where he would just shut up about how he felt so he wouldn't get yelled at by his parents. But I refuse to let him do that to me. I encourage him to tell me how he feels, to get his opinions about things, so that he doesn't feel like it's all about me. And when he confesses anything to me, especially about his feelings, I try my very best to not overreact and to remain calm so that he knows that he can tell me absolutely anything and that we will deal with it together.
You'll get it, you'll see. Every marriage has this learning process so don't feel like you're doing something wrong. No one is perfect. Just keep working at it and make a conscious effort to be a more understanding wife
I totally agree with Elistar. Also, I think trying to be more positive, and give compliments, honestly, helps. When my DH does something I like, even if it's something small, I make sure to tell him how much I appreciate it, and vice versa. This can help you get out of the rut of negativity. GL
This is exactly what was in my mind while I was reading what you wrote. When we first got married I would nag DH about helping around the house and he told me just the way I was asking was making him upset, not what I was asking. We talked about it and he told me this and now it's not a problem.
I think the most important thing for you to stress to your DH and yourself is to always be honest with each other. Of course, if its something that can be let go, like Eli said, choose your battles and he should do the same. But, when he expresses something to you (like perhaps that he doesn't like what you cooked) try not to get upset because he's being honest. Try to find out why he didn't like it and maybe change it for next time. Or, only make it when he isn't going to be home to eat it (that's what I do!). Ultimately, compromise.
As far as the sleep issue, that's tough. My DH works nights so his sleep is totally reversed when he isn't working. I will stay up late, but not as late as he stays up. We made a deal that he would try to go to bed earlier when he is off and we are together. Usually some nookie makes him sleepy right before bed, so that helps
. Also, I bought some earplugs for situations like you had in the hotel. I put them in and go to sleep while he is up doing stuff.
Good luck, marriage is definitely tough and a work in progress. I think the most important thing though is to be open and honest with each other and always find a way to work it out together. The fact that he talked to you about this is good