Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
No sexual feeling?
Ok, so my husband and I have been married for a little over two years now, and I have a problem and I haven't told him for his sake! I don't feel anything during sex! I have never orgasmed, I fake it for him because I don't know what else to do.
I was a virgin when we got married and since then, I have no sex drive, I want to have sex for him, but because it does nothing for me, I didn't miss it when he was deployed for 8 months. I thought that when he got home, I would really want to and be all over him, but I wasn't and I didn't enjoy it the first time that we did it since he was home!
When we do it, it hurts a little when he first goes in, but once that he is in, I don't feel a thing. It's kind of like is is numb or something. And after words, I am really sore, for a day or two.
I don't know if this makes since to anyone or not, but this is what I am going through. Does anyone have any advice?
Re: No sexual feeling?
Step One: Stop faking it! This isn't helping him in any way. This is lying.
Step Two: Lots of foreplay. It sounds to me like you aren't getting any.
Step Three: Oral and toys. Can you orgasm from oral? Try using a bullet during sex.
ETA: Do you masturbate? Does that work for you?
Step one, two and three are key I think. If you're not into introducing toys, start with oral. I think most ladies would have a hard time not feeling anything during oral sex. GL!
Methinks this is MUD. But if not, OP, get to know your shower massager.
YWIA
This.
If not, then, see the above about foreplay/lube as well as masturbation and getting to know yourself.
The pp's have given you great advice. Some have even asked you important questions. I have another point to bring up. A friend of mine has a story very similar to yours. She was a virgin when she was married. She was not able to enjoy sex at all. After talking to her a lot about it I helped her figure out most of her problem. Her mom had always told her that dirty girls had sex. She told her sex was a sin. Sex was only for making babies. Nice girls didn't enjoy sex. It had been engrained in her and carried over into her marriage. She sought help from a specialist. She talked to her H about it. They started out slowly, working from oral to toys. They expirimented a lot. She is making a lot of progress and called me not too long ago to proudly announce that she had had her first orgasm.
I'm not saying this is you, but another thing to think about. GL
Thanks everyone, I made an appt. with my OB/GYN for next week! We will see what happens.
to answer some of your questions:
No this is not MUD, not that I know what that is, but it didn't sound nice.
No, I have never had an orgasm.
No, I have not been sexually abused, thanks for the concern! I am looking into dyspareunia.
When I said that I was numb during sex, I meant it physically not mentally or emotionally. I litterally don't feel anything until afterwards!
I was taught that sex was to be enjoyed by both parties, not just for baby making.
And we do have a child, our 11 month old little boy, Aidan!!!
Well I don't know what else to say so, Thanks for the help!!!
No to hijack your thread and steal the focus from you, but I thought since I had a similar issue, it would be best in the same post.
My husband and I have been together since Feb of 2002 when we were 15. We have been sleeping together since our 1st anniversary and were married almost 8 months ago. When we first began having sex I really enjoyed the act.
For a while, I lost all my sex drive due to my BC pills. After figuring out the reason, I got on different pills and saw my sex drive returned.
However, for the past 2 years or so, I've been unable to orgasm except from oral and with toys. No amount of vaginal intercourse even gets me close to climax anymore and neither my husband nor I can figure out why. For a while, he was upset thinking that I was no longer attracted to him. After proving to him (over and over again) that I do still want him and that I enjoy our sex life, he's taken to putting more effort into getting me off.
Extra long foreplay, acting out my fantasies, etc etc. None of it seems to work. The only way I can orgasm anymore is from oral or toys.
Does anybody have any ideas on why this might be after 5 years of sleeping together?? And please don't mock me for this question if it's seems really obvious....but when we're ready to have children, this won't affect our conception efforts will it?
TTC #1 since January 2013
Sounds like you just lack plain old-fashioned chemistry. There needs to be some level of sexual tension for sex to work between two people. Its something you feel outside of bed too. Many signs of this when dating are blushing, flirting, trying to find ways to touch each other, long stares.
Also, there is something called sexual compatibility between people. People have different sexual styles. Some are really compatible, some work well, and some don't work together at all. It has to do with the type of sex that you like..some people like romantic sex with lots of kissing and foreplay, others just like to get to the point and really don't need any or little foreplay.
My DH and I have some of these sexual issues. I think I have determined that we have just barely enough attraction to have a sex life at all. But its a disappointing area in our marriage that I feel that I have made a sacrifice for to be with him for all of the other ways that I enjoy being married to him. We always say that we are going to have affairs..though I know neither really wants to..but I wonder if someday it might be a possibility.
MUD = "Made Up Drama." in the forums.