Sex & Romance
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Libido gone MIA?
I have been with my now husband for four years, married for eight months, we are very happy together but we lead VERY hectic lives. He works three jobs and I have a job that requires a lot of overtime. Since we've gotten married my sex drive has practically disappeared. He wants it anytime all the time, but never really initiates it, then gets mad when we don't do it. I don't know how to get 'back in the groove' of things, I feel like I've gotten myself into a hole I can't dig myself out of. I would like to have more sex, but I just don't have the drive for it. I'm in my twenties so this should NOT be happening, I just don't know what to do anymore. Any tips?
Re: Libido gone MIA?
I doubt this just started once you said "I do".
When you ask him to turn off the phone, what does he do? Does he have any hobbies? Does he turn off his phone when he does that?
He has to make you a priority. All the date nights or "cell phone free hours" aren't going to change his essential nature. If you and your relationship isn't going to be #1 in his life, you will have a difficult life.
And if he tells you that he has to work this hard to get ahead and provide for you, he is mistaken.
Ditto.
I will deffinatly have to find this book. hope it helps us all out
Whoops! My bad!
Sex breeds more sex.
Even if you don't think you feel like it, do it anyway. Unless you are really sick, you will still enjoy it, and if you don't - he will, which is enough to get me going.
Not having sex breeds more not having sex. So the best thing to do is just jump back on the horse! Put on cute lingerie, light candles, put some effort into it, even if you're not really feeling it - you'll get there - unless something's going on that you haven't told us about... If you don't try, you won't succeed.
Floating in the same boat! But about the BC comments, I have been off of it for almost 6 months, and nothing has changed. I was the same way when I was on it too. I know a lot of other women who have done the same thing and there hasn't been a change for them either. If you think it's about BC, call your dr. and get their opinion. I know that when I was on my anxiety meds, my dr did say that this certain pill would effect my libido. I'm coming to discover it's more of a mind thing... when I'm at work, I think about work. When I'm at home, I think about cleaning and cooking. When I go to bed, I think about sleep. I need think about "wrestling" with my DH!!
I couldn't agree with this more! We literally went months prior to and after our wedding without it and neither of us really cared because we were just so tired and busy. Then we just made an effort that even if we didn't feel like it, we would. Now both of our drives seem to be more "normal."
Whether the temporary dip is from time after the wedding, the baby, or both-
I agree that communication is KEY. Often talks about sex will get you both going--even if it starts out slightly negative, as long as you transition to describing pleasurable experiences the outcome is marvelous. Games like "I always love it when you..." or "I thought maybe later we could..." can open things up and serve as foreplay for you, if you have a vivid imagination.
I have been with DH for almost 11 years and married for almost 2. We have a wonderful 6 month old baby and I have finally gotten my sex drive back! I can relate to not having any interest! I think women need to be mentally into it to be turned on and men can do with just the physical. A few ideas that worked for us...
1) Get some sexy lingerie (sp?) if you feel sexy it will get the ball rolling. Surprise him by putting it on and being the sexy thing that you are! We can't depend on the men to get things going cause they are kinda lazy
2) If you like reading I would recommend a good romance novel ( i used to think they were cheesy as my mom read them all the time but now I love them) I prefer books by Nalani Singh. Romance novels are sexy but not dirty or gross so it is perfect for women! I imagine my husband as one of the characters from the book - it helps!
3) Just say yes! Once you get started it does feel good so get some lubricant if you aren't ready to go at the drop of a dime and enjoy!
4) Ask DH to take some of the load off of you - there is nothing sexier than my man doing the dishes or the laundry so I don't have to worry about it
The main thing is just getting back into the swing of things... Once you get back to doing it more often it will feel more natural and not like a burden. Try to concentrate on ways to get yourself in the mood (change your mind set) and making sure you are feeling good. Men could get off in the middle of a bomb scare but women need to be mentally and physically primed! Hope it helps! Sex is a wonderful and necessary part of marriage - my husband and I always get along better with more sex in our lives. Plus it is a great way to burn of stress!