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Flameless Friday
. . .I really need this
coworker- what is your deal? why must you be a b!tch one day and then sweet as pie the next day. I know our manager told you to "watch your sass" and you got pissed but really that's the least of it. And yesterday you totally wore me out with you need for attention. You are like a small child but not as cute! When you don't get your way you pout, when you aren't getting attention you get louder or tell some ridiculous story so that people look at you. . .I'm sick of it.
dearest friend- I know this is petty of me but really it has gotten under my skin. Please STOP announcing on FB that you are getting hair colored and that you are asking for suggestions. Why? Because you never take ANYONE'S suggestions and end up dyeing your hair the same color (which looks HORRIBLE with your skin tone) over and over. UGH!
I needed this.
Re: Flameless Friday
I wrote a big @ss vent and decided it was stupid....
Friend - You annoy me a lot! I am glad you will be out of town for a while...I need a break.
Dear Boss, I know that it's employee appreciation week, and you would like all of the managers to go out for drinks after we finish washing all of the hourly employees' cars this afternoon, but my idea of being shown appreciation is NOT to spend my Friday evening with you and my co-workers.
I have a life, and I already spend 55 hours of my week here. And maybe I would be more willing if I didn't have to come in on my day off (unpaid) to teach a class in the morning. Plus, I do not live a few blocks away from work, like you do, so I can't stay out until 8 or 9, suck down 6 or 7 Coronas, and then walk home. I have to drive 30 miles. Get it?
Try giving me the afternoon off, guilt-free, instead of keeping me here late. THAT would make me feel appreciated.
Dear J - If I sit down next to you, please look up from your computer or make a noise to acknowledge my existence. You wonder why I don't initiate contact. It's because you ignore me anyway. Have fun playing Farmville instead!
Also, if you're playing Farmville, can I haz the remote? I don't want to spend every evening watching you ignore the MLB network.
Also, I don't understand baseball in the way that you do. I still do not understand how a "catch" is a "play." I understand how a throw is a "play," as in "double-play." To me, a "play" is a strategic choice, so when you say "watch this play" and some guy catches a ball, I am non-plussed. Forgive me if I don't freak out that a baseball player caught a ball that he didn't have to make a miraculous dive for.
Also, your child is crying. It's time to look away from the TV. Don't tell a 9 month old to figure out a way out of the situation she's gotten her self stuck in. Especially when she's actually pinned under something and you're too lazy to get out of your recliner to see why she's crying.
Also, I SO get that you're tired from working all day. Guess who else worked all day? (And spent 3 hours commuting.) Oh! you have to pick up and drop off your child? Pobrecito.
Also, I'm embarassed that you're doing such a half- @ssed job getting Scarlett ready. She comes home from daycare still in her PJ's from last night with notes on her form asking you to please pack canned FOOD for her. Then when she comes home Ravenously hungry and I feed you, me and her, you get irritated with me that I put her food directly on her tray without the removeable tray. Thanks for the tip, Mr. Mom. Seriously? Come here so I can smack you in the head.
O.M.G.
Dear father of prom kid guest,
You are an absolute f'ing a$$hole. Your demand that I take responsibility for a corporate policy that you don't like, despite the fact that I have explained that it is not in my power to make changes to the policy, and have provided you with the contact information for our corporate office, is mean, petty, shitty, stupid, and jackassy. Telling me that my apology, which it cost me to write, was not worded in a way that was acceptable to you was even nastier.
Your son was equally asshatish, and he and the rest of the prom kids who were here cost us thousands of dollars in rebates to other guests due to their partying, noise, drinking, drugs, and sex in the FREAKING hallways. Too bad the police were too busy to respond right away when we needed them, or you can just bet that you would have been picking your son up in jail.
The best part of your email was your threat to ensure that next year's prom group stays at a different hotel. Oh how badly I want to write you back and tell you that we are changing our check-in age to 21 because of this group, and that we would not take those little sh!ts back for anything.
None of us get paid enough to deal with your sh!t. I hope your life is as miserable as I think it is. Also, I hope your son ends up in jail, along with his little friends.
DH - When you run out of toilet paper in your bathroom quit coming into my bathroom and taking the roll off of the holder and leaving me with none. The extra TP is on a shelf in the garage. It is basically the same distance to get to the shelf as it is to my bathroom.....the man uses more TP than anyone I know!!!
Weather - QUIT raining. My grass is a foot tall already and I don't know how we are going to get it mowed before it reaches two feet tall.