This is sort of a vent post, but I'd also take any kind of planning/de-stressing advice that you're willing to offer!
So here's the situation: FI and I are hosting an engagement party for our friends on Saturday (they're closer friends with FI). We asked the newly engaged couple for a guest list and FI sent an invitation to all of the people he had contact info for (about 12 people). Then he asked the couple for contact info for the remaining people (about 4). Instead of giving him the contact info, they went on Facebook and invited about 25 more people. They didn't even mention this to us, let alone ask if it would be ok (someone happened to mention the Facebook invitation to me on Monday; and when we were in the earlier stages of planning this, we and the couple agreed that the party would be for about 10-15 guests). So now I have no idea if I should be expecting 10 guests or 40!
So, I'm really angry that they would do this. I'm a big planner and this creates a huge amount of stress for me, while FI doesn't seem to think it's a big deal. There's also a pretty big cost difference between entertaining 15 people versus 40. Anyway, what would you do at this point as far as planning for extra people? And would you say anything to the engaged couple?
Re: party panic
After I gave them a good talking to about respecting people trying to do a nice thing for you....I would ask for a head count. They need to find out how many people you are having to your home. That is the LEAST they can do.
In the meanwhile, I would adjust my menu to include things that can be prepared in bulk and frozen if the larger number of guests do not attend.
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I agree with the others to have him handle it. Maybe ask that they contribute to the party by bringing some food platters or alcohol.
I hope it all works out. I sooo know what you are going through! I hosted my friend's surprise 30th birthday at my house and she invited 60 people! I was stressed out for a month over it. I ended up only serving appetizers & provided some liquor. I made the invites BYOB and her mom brought a cake.