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Please help: Etiquette Question (long)
Ok this could potentionally be a sensitive topic. Sorry so long but I must get an answer.
When is it ok to ask your guests to bring something to your gathering? Everyone seems to have different opinions. For me, if it's a small group of your close friends that meet regularly, then it's fine to do potluck style if that is what you have established. But if you are hosting a more formal event where you are inviting guests who don't come to your house regularly then the host should provide plenty of food for everyone and not expect the guests to feed themselves. At our bookclub and annual picnic events we did potlucks and that was the expectation.
I do not know what the norm etiquette is and want to find out. Most of the parties I have, dinner parties, christmas dinners, bbqs, other parties, I fully provide the food. For formal parties, I don't flat out ask guests to bring something because I feel it is rude. If the guest specifically asks "what should I bring?" I usually say "we'll have this this and this, if you want to bring something simple like drinks or dessert that would be fine".
The reason I am asking is because we got invited to two Labor Day parties this weekend where the invite said, "bring something to grill/share, and "bring food to share", and we were kind of shocked and were kind of offended. When we got to one of the parties, there was not that much food by my standards. And one time we got invited to a birthday party where the birthday girl texted us a few hours before "please bring snacks", we both were very offended and didn't end up going. We normally bring something to share anyways, but just feel it is weird when ppl ask directly.
I'm starting to think that my expectations are not the norm and that I shouldn't be offended. What are your thoughts on that? Am I over reacting?
Re: Please help: Etiquette Question (long)
While I usually provide all of the food for a BBQ, I don't find it weird to have a potluck cookout. I don't do it that way, but wouldn't be offended at the invite to one either. Potlucks don't bother me for more casual occasions as long as I know ahead of time that I'm expected to bring something.
As for the b-day party, that was just plain rude of the hostess. I would've been offended by her last minute demand and wouldn't have attended either.
Are you serious?? Wow! It's like, "hey come to my party, bring me a gift, and I'm going to tell you what you need to bring to feed my guests". Ok I could understand a casual gathering, but birthday, holidays, and e-party?? I'm in complete shock.
I think we are all used to her. I don't think she expects gifts but she doesn't put no gifts please on the evite. Whatever. I just like having a good time with my friends so I go anyways.