Parents, do you assume children are invited?

TarHeels&Rebels

So I invited all my new classmates for dinner on Saturday.  We had to go around the room and say a little about ourselves 3 times yesterday, so we all know the basics about each other: all of us are in our mid-to-late 20s, except one woman in her 40s, and only one of us is a parent.

This student tells me in front of all the other students, "I'm bringing my kids to this dinner!  You'd better put everything fragile up high out of their reach.  They'll find it and break it."  His children are 8 and 2.

Would you assume your children are invited to a grad school mixer at someone's house?  Would you do so knowing no one else has children?  Would you bring them if that's how you describe your children?

Not only do I not have children, I have a glass coffee table that's not tempered, a valuable antique sideboard from the 1830s and lots of breakable things everywhere.  This isn't making me feel good   I guess I'll speak to the parents when they arrive and pray they leave quickly if their kids are that bad.

Maybride2

The only times that I ever assume that my child is invited is if it's a family event or if it's a friend who also has kids. Your classmate is completely rude, and I don't think that I'd allow him to come if he's bringing his kids. What a boring night for the kids, a lot of stress for you, and an awkward night for the other adults.

Jim&Jaime

I would tell them, politely and privately, that this was intended as a social hour for students and spouses.

Oh, and when I bring DS somewhere, I feel that it is my responsibility, not yours, to keep him from getting into anything he shouldn't.  It's called parenting. 

martinilove

I'm not a parent, but if and when I do have kids, I would never assume that!  That's utterly rude and unresponsible, as a parent, to assume that and to expect the host/hostess to make it a kid-friendly environment.  I would politely let them know that it's adults only and apologize if they're not able to make it.  That's ridiculous and I wouldn't blame you for being bothered!  Some people have a lot of nerve and others just don't know the difference between common sense and ignorance.

Hurricane38

Do you think maybe he was just joking to see what you'd say? The way he kind of went on about how you need to put breakables up high because they will break it leads me to think he may just be kidding?

6fsn

I don't assume, but will ask if it's iffy.  A potluck BBQ would fall under iffy. 

A bachelorette party, a wedding (with invite to DH and I only), a formal dinner party, a party starting after 8 pm, I'd assume no. 

 A kid's bday party, an invite with my kid's name on it, I assume yes.

Even if my kid was invigted, I'd never expect the hosts to move their things though.

wejustwant2:)

Absolutely not.  I'm the parent of two toddlers (~2 1/2 and 18 months) and would never assume they are invited. It is not your responsibility to childproof your home either!  How rude of him.

 My DH and I spend a lot of nights at home because of that.  We don't take them to restaurants without high chairs/kids menus either.  It is a sacrifice we were willing to make when we chose to have kids and become parents. 

I also NEVER let them out of my sight even when we go to "kids welcome" events.  When I was pregnant and living in "the city" I took a safety/child proofing course and learned that one of the most dangerous places and times for children is a party.  Adults are drinking and trying to relax while the kids are in an unfamiliar enviornment.  The instructor also told us never to trust anyone else to watch our children  - which turned out to be so true. Many times when a family member has "promised" to watch my children I'll come back to find they are distracted by something else 

Good Luck - I don't think it is unreasonable to say that you are concerned about your home, its' more of an adult party and suggest they get sitters.  Could be a late night anyways.

Fondue II

I would mention to this person that while you'd love to meet their perfectly charming offspring, that you're home isn't kid-friendly and you're not really equipped to entertain youngsters.  Mention that you'd planned for this to be an evening for the adults to mingle and relax and that you're afraid that the parents won't be able to fully relax because they'll be watching their little darlings every single second to make sure they don't hurt themselves on your kid-eating coffee table.  Or, do you have a pet that may get a little anxious or unpredictable around children?  If so, maybe you could use that as a deterrent.  Or maybe your pet love kids, but you could just say that Fluffy has developed a taste for two-year olds. 

Or, you could just say that everything you're serving has booze in it and you refuse to contribute to the delinquency of a minor. 

 

 

LNFbride05

I would assume no kids unless the family has kids too. That is kind of presumptuous of them to bring the kids.

Catlawdy_____

I don't have kids, I'd have told the guy that it was planned as a dinner for classmates.  Even if he took offense, he doesn't sound like the kind of guy I'd mind burning bridges with.  I have the feeling he's going to be the PITA of your class.