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T&P for my Grandpa
My Grandpa is perhaps the worlds most stubborn male. He was helping my grandma with her compression sleeve last night (she had lymph nodes removed due to cancer when I was in middle school and has needed it ever since) despite my Mom having the nurses come in to do it for them. He lost his balance because he wasn't holding onto his walker, fell backwards, smacked his head on their coffee table, and has been bleeding in his brain ever since.
He's on blood thinners for heart issues which isn't helping. He's at the tipping point where things could go either way. He's too old and in too fragile of health to safely do surgery so it is just "hurry up and wait" time.
I love my grandpa dearly - but find myself not as stressed out as I would have thought I'd be given the fragility of things. He's old. He's lived a fulfilling life. However, He has been losing it mentally for the last few years and you can see it in his eyes that he knows he's confused but doesn't know what to do about it. He's incredibly intelligent but now struggles to get the words right when he talks to people. He forgot who I was the last time I saw him. He calls my mom compulsively on every phone number she and my Dad have. Part of me is sort of wishing that he'll just slip peacefully away but that makes me feel terribly guilty. How can you love someone so much and yet still wish that for them?
*sigh* I'm off to get my Grandma to take her over to see him. I have the lovely task of broaching the subject of a feeding tube with her. My mom tried to talk to her but she doesn't think she was listening closely and doesn't quite understand the ramifications of it all yet. I suppose if I was in the same situation, I probably wouldn't be focused on that either.
Re: T&P for my Grandpa
T&P to you and your family during this tough time. I think it gets complicated as grandparents age and come to "that point" when they're no longer in any semblance of good health or able to care for themselves. Truly, you didn't ask, but I think your wishing that your grandfather would slip peacefully away is normal.
Good luck during this time. Feel free to vent if you need it.
T&P, Witty. It is definitely difficult as grandparents age. And you are not a bad person for wishing he could go peacefully.
As someone who watched my grandfather ask to die because he was nearly completely incapacitated, stuck wearing a diaper in bed at a nursing home...I completely understand where you are coming from. I prayed for him to go peacefully long before it actually happened. As a matter of fact, my other grandfather knew he was dying (from Congestive Heart Failure) and purposefully did not call an ambulance until the absolute last possible moment because he wanted to go on his own terms...so I guess that is just the type of person I was bred to be. So, long story short, definitely do not feel bad for wishing your grandfather a peaceful death with some integrity.
And my thoughts are really with you for the convo with your grandmother, I can't imagine that will be an easy thing to do. I highly recommend that all of us discuss our wishes for those types of things with our spouses and also sign any necessary paperwork with our doctors (such as a Do Not Resuscitate order) to ensure that our wishes are met. From my experiences watching my grandparents, it gets very complicated when no paperwork is signed and the healthy grandparent can't bring themselves to make a decision (completely understandably!).
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::HUGS:: Many T&P your way. I hope everything works out for the best.
And don't feel bad for wishing that he'll 'slip peacefully away'. It's totally a normal reaction - you don't want to see him in pain or suffering. And it's way more closure than anything else.
Thanks all - it was a tough visit with my Grandma - that is for sure. My Grandpa is making all sorts of fidgety movements but nothing that seems to have any meaning behind it. His speech is very garbled - moreso than normal - and he is definitely not able to swallow on his own. He kept trying to get out of bed in his more lucid moments which is so not ok. They have him in soft restraints because he keeps trying to pull out ports, IVs and his NG tube. Tough to watch, that is for sure. DH was a saint for hanging out with us for it.
My grandma obviously "got" the feeding tube conversation with my Mom because their pastor showed up while we were there and she was asking for some spiritual guidance about the choice and its consequences. All I really needed to do was to drop the hint that it is something that she should think about, pray about, and think about the conversations she and my Grandpa had about how they'd want to handle medical situations like these so that if the time comes to make a decision sooner rather than later, she's prepared.
I think that she is very much understanding that even if he survives, she'll never have him back whole like he was before. She seems to be at peace with that - although it broke my heart to hear her talking to my Grandpa about how he needed to get better and come home to her because she's lonesome without him there. The reality of it is that he'll never get to go home with her. If he makes it, he'll have to be in a nursing home and he is going to be completely crabby about it. I have no doubt that the agitation he has about being in the hospital will be compounded tenfold in a nursing home.
Thanks all for helping me feel not so bad about wishing him a peaceful dignified passing. Most of my extended family is of the opinion that if its his time, that we should let him go - but of course we don't get to decide - my Grandma does. One of my uncles and one of my nitwit cousins, however, are bombarding my Grandma about doing everything possible to save him, no matter what his wishes are which frustrates me a little. It is a challenging enough topic to consider without them "helping".