Sex & Romance
PixieChinchilla
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I'm hoping to learn from your experience.
My DH and I got married on Friday, and we were both virgins until our wedding night. I understand that it has only been three days, but I was wondering how long we should expect the pain to last. We've been very successful so far, overall, but the beginning has been painful for me every time, and after probably 15 or 20 minutes it starts to hurt for the rest of the time. Like I said, I know that it's only been three days, I'm just curious for an average amount of time we can expect until it starts to get easier.
My other question is slightly similar; My DH is well endowed, and for the time being it seems that he is too long for me... is this something that should get better in time, like the pain and soreness?
Re: I'm hoping to learn from your experience.
MUD is made up drama. You are being serious though? Check out this article from Cosmo.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/-penis-too-big
I'm sorry, I didn't realize this fell under the umbrella of possible made up drama. I am honestly curious because neither of us has much experience, and I assumed it might be nice to know what we might expect, time line wise, when it comes to my pain. I understand that sometimes the woman is just physically too small for the man, but I was wondering if there was the possibility that we can expect the length to become less of an issue, or if that wouldn't be a part of the "first timers" pain. My DH has been very supportive and kind, and I know that he feels bad that he's hurting me every time, no matter how gentle he tries to be.
If you are all convinced that this was a dumb topic for me to try and ask advice about, that's fine, and I can just move on and look for answers elsewhere, I suppose.
I was just asking before I went through the trouble of offering advice. The link I provided actually has helpful information, you should check it out.
I did look at the link, thank you, and it really was helpful. It didn't entirely answer my questions, specifically, but it will be helpful for the future.
@ bhrett: After only three days, it already shouldn't hurt at all? It doesn't hurt the whole time, and I'm already able to get off about half the time, but it does hurt at the beginning and the end, and it aches for at least the next few hours afterward.
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Sounds normal to me. DH and I were both virgins when we got married, and sex hurt (to varying degrees) for like a month at least and I bled a few times. It gets better. Lube should help, as will taking it slow and being relaxed. There's no need to rush!
As for "being too long" - as you go on, you'll figure out what positions work best for you and which ones to avoid (cervix getting hit = painful!). With time you should get used to him.
Ok this is not correct though. You should get one by age 21 or when you become sexually active, whichever comes first. You really should make an appointment to have an annual exam. Then you could kill two birds with one stone!
After four or five days, you shouldn't be in pain. I bet there isn't enough lube being used or you aren't turned on enough. Even now if I have sex and am not totally turned on, it hurts.
It could be your cervix getting hit and sometimes that can hurt. I actually enjoy it when my cervix is hit. It's enjoyable and not painful for me.
Oh and you really need to get to your GYN. It's smart to go BEFORE having sex. Otherwise, people would start having sex and THEN get on birth control. That sounds really backwards to me.
Sex hurt for me for the first week or two, I think, it's been a long time. I do remember though that after the first few times it hurt less and less each time. The more you do it the faster your body will get used to it.
Some helpful tips:
Use lots of lube and reapply often
Make sure that you are fully aroused before penetration. Having YH give you an orgasm durring foreplay is a good habit to get into.
If you are in serious pain then stop. Also, 20 minutes seems like a long time for beginners.
Try incorporating clitoral stimulation in with penetration.
You should contol the pace. Start slow and have fun.
That's awesome that you waited...so did we. Sex was so painful for me for a long time. We've been married for 2 years now, and if we take too long of a break from having sex (2 weeks or longer) it usually still hurts me. This isn't normal so don't expect that for yourself. My doctor said that I was extra small down there, so when I started having sex, it was almost impossible to even get the penis in. You seem way ahead of where I was, and it got way better for us, so I'm sure it will for you too.
To be honest, no one can tell you when you should be done hurting or how long is normal to hurt, at least not accurately. We're all different, and while some hurt a lot, some hardly hurt at all when the start having sex. I remember how frustrating it was at first though. It's wonderful that you're husband is understanding of this...mine was too, but I still felt bad that it was hurting me so bad b/c I knew it wasn't exactly great for him. Just give it all time and keep practicing!! I WILL get better! Congrats on waiting and congrats on the marriage!!
Like others said, he's probably hitting your cervix when it feels like he's too long. You just need to try different angles. Sometimes being on top is the easiest way to control that. That way you can angle your hips/pelvis to enter as comfortably as possible.
I understand your pain yet I cant say how long it will take to go away.
I hope you get it figured out.
Make sure your relaxed, really turned on & lubed.
I got my first pap a few months before we got married so I could get on the BC & have that all taken care of now I just go in yrly. We also waited until we were married to have sex.
I've been having sex for many many years, and believe me, if i'm not into it or fully aroused, it always hurts in the beginning. Lots of foreplay and lube for you.. and it will get better. After sex, try applying vaseline to your area down there- clitoris and vaginal opening, this will heal the skin for next time, so initial penetration doesn't hurt as much. I find, that if we have vigorous/ rough sex, and i don't apply vaseline, then the next time we have sex, it kills when he is initially penetrating. So, believe me, use the vaseline after and lube and foreplay before, and it'll get ALOT easier and enjoyable! Best of luck, and good for you for waiting. Me and my DH were virgins, although we didn't wait until marriage... we were two young teenagers in love! Been together for 9 years still going strong!!
I'm throwing in my 2 cents in since this is an issue I can certainly relate too, and may be able to give advice on.
My DH and I have been married just shy of a year, and we also waited. We are still working through me having pain with sex, but I've been to to gyno about it already, and there's a couple of medical factors involved that are causing some of my problems, so its a combination of factors for me (I have endometriosis, a uterus that tilts backwards making it prone to being hit in certain positions, and I'm just really petite.) For me I think it has less to do with my husband being particularly large (he say's he's not) and more to do with me being exceptionally small.
That said, here's something that my gyno mentioned that could be going on in addition to my other problems, and suggested something to try, just to see if it may a difference:
A lot of times artificial lubricants don't last as long as our natural lube, which can then lead the friction to cause micro-tears in the vagina, which cause pain/stinging sensation. She suggested trying sex without artificial lube, to see if that helped any. I know it seems counter-intuitive (at least it did to me) because my thoughts were, (omg I must use LOTS of lube! I can't possibly have enough on my own!, but we are made to be the lubrication providers).
So, the next DH and I tried to have sex, he got me REALLY worked up before penetration (not that he hadn't before but we always paused to add KY Silk), and I found that it really was much better, and actually almost enjoyable for me which was a huge improvement over me just gritting my teeth.
From what you're describing, I would say its a combination of being new to sex and too much friction. Take a break, and maybe talk to your husband about the next time, doing oodles of foreplay and making sure your really lubed up and then trying without using synthetic lube. Keep the lube bottle on hand in case it doesn't help or it makes the pain worse, but I think trying with just your natural lubrication may be worth a shot.
If, in a few weeks, you're still having a lot of pain, please go to your gyno, don't wait several months like I did.
Sorry, for the long response.My H and I also waited to have sex until we got married. It hurt me during the first two times and a dull ache for a few hours after for the first week or so.
I had a pap smear before I got married (to get bc) but I switched to a different gyno after and she told me that she wouldn't have recommended I get one until after I was married because I was a virgin. Let me tell you though, they are SO much less painful once you aren't a virgin. Seriously. So you lucked out on that one. The gyno that did my first pap tore my hymn. It felt like she ripped me apart inside. And my then fiance said in response to me telling him that, "Why didn't she just tear it all the way?" I love my H, but that was not his shining moment.
"The more you do it the faster your body will get used to it."
Be aware that she is not implying doing it 100x a day will help
That would hurt anyone...actually anymore than 6x or so gets painful (for me anyway...)
No of course not. Id he is well endowed and long it is possible that he is too long for you, the vaginal canal is something like 7inches so he may be hitting your cevix which can becoem painful. The thing that you really have to do is not jump into the penetration since you are new at this. He really has to pay attention alopt and get you relaxed, stimulated and ready for him to enter you. Even if you are using lube you still need to be ready. Have him use his hands, fingers, mouth...etc. If he has you turned on and ready then it will not hurt as much. Let him know also that he has to pay attention to if he is hitting someting in there, then he is too long. Some men can never actually fully penetrate when they are very long....sad huh?
I don't think what you're experiencing is terribly abnormal. When DH and I first became sexually active, I found it painful for a while (we had at least false start sessions before I sucked it up, lol). Actually, we were in a LDR at that point and didn't see each other often, so it was at least uncomfortable, if not painful at penetration, until we moved in together and started having sex on a more regular basis.
If it would ease your mind, talk to your doc. That's one of the things they're there for. But otherwise, it sounds much like my experience. Also, feel free to try up different positions until you find several that are comfortable (and the point about your cycle/cervix position is a good one -- there are some positions that are fine for us one week and uncomfortable the next because of it).
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Another kudos for maintaining your virginity until marriage!
Unfortunately, I've had several sexual partners so fortunately, I can confirm that my DH is very well-endowed. There are times in my cycle when my cervix is low during which times he cannot fully penetrate and creates pain for me for hours after. We practice NFP (natural family planning) so I have the experience to feel my cervix to know that it is low. That being said, you might want to consider having an exam just to get checked out. It's been years since I lost my virginity so I can't remember my timetable but I don't remember pain sticking around for a long time.
I wish you the best...glad to hear that you're getting yours!