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Thanks for the shoulder/advice
Last night DH and I had a long talk about his sister. We are going to lay down some ground rules for everyone and some specific rules for SIL. We are going to tell his parents these rules and they will relay them to SIL. GIven SIL's personality if DH says something she will ignore things completely and do whatever she wants she will go out of her way to do what we have asked her not to . If I say something she will litterally scoff and walk away. If her parents say that these are the new rules there is at least a small chance she will actually hear them and respect them. The new rules are as follows:
1. DD is not to go beyond the garden on the balcony. Period. I don't care who has her. She does not go past the garden.She can play in it but not go beyond it.
2. At the cottage she doesn't go on the dock without either DH or I present and wearing a life jacket. Exceptions will be made on a case by case basis. But DH and I must be consulted.
3. SIL is not to be left alone with DD period. NOt for five minutes. I don't trust her. She drinks too much and she is careless.
4. SIL will not call my baby Scarface anymore. Whenever she does we will take DD away. Right away. Not just away from SIL but out of the room. COmpletely away from her infleuence. We have asked her repeatedly not to call DD this. She won't listen so we will take action.
5. SIL does not hold DD when she has been drinking. If I see booze and SIL I will go immediately take my child from her. If she is visibly drunk we will leave the room completely if necessary the party or gathering.
6. SIL will not baby sit again. If she is the only one available to look after DD, I will change my plans. When she can prove to me that she is a responsible adult I will reconsider.
7. If my child is crying and I want to comfort her (which will be pretty much everytime so get used to it) do not block me from getting to her, get the eff out of the way. I don't care if we have only been there for five minutes. We will take our child and leave. If we are there for a major family event like a wedding or funeral we will check into a hotel. Otherwise we will go home.
8. I will stop being subtle. If I am uncomfortable with something. I will say it. If you insist on doing what I don't like again, we will leave.
9. If these rules can not be respected and you break them behind my back or repeatedly in front of me, we will leave and not come back until you can respect them.
It's been a rough week for the family because of some other issues and I don't want to pile on but we are going to a family reunion in two weeks and these need to get out there.
Re: Thanks for the shoulder/advice
I agree with this whle heartedly! Right now, you are your child's most powerful advocate and have a right to speak up. Good for you. I hope all goes well moving forward. I think it's a really smart idea to get the ILs on board with you and DH.