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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Moms: Totally morbid but...
I was wondering, do you guys have some sort of legal thing set up so that If you and YH died together (accident or whatever) your child/children would be taken care of. Like how did you decide who they would go with??
We are having a hard time with this now so I was wondering. My Mother passed away in 2005. Carl's mom is too old to do this. My brother is not by any means stable enough to do such a thing and I am not big on the idea of my SIL doing it (neither is my husband.... long story there but short answer would be NO, never would happen).
So now we're trying to figure out what to do so that we can get everything in legal form. Just incase...
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Re: Moms: Totally morbid but...
We know who is taking Ry, we just haven't gotten around to the legal part. We started talking about it when I was preggers. I'm crazy obsessed about having the future planned out, especially for Ry. It was just a couple months ago that I asked my sister if it was "ok" with her.
It's a really hard decision, but you have to make it now because you could die tomorrow. Then your families have to fight over who gets the kids.
Regardless of who you "like" you have to choose who will give your kids the best life. My sister and I don't like each other at all, but I know she will raise him as her own without letting him forget us.
It's not a matter of who we "like". I like my SIL just fine. But we do not agree with some of the ways she raises her kids and the lifestyle she lives is not what we want for our son...
If we died tomorrow, my IL's would take Will. End of Story. My FIL passed away so my MIL and her sister would do what they had to do, but they are in their 60's and cant keep up with him for more then a day while we are around, nevermind if we were gone... Ugh, this is hard!
I havent thought about this, but isnt like the God Parents duty to do so?
But if you have no one, I will!
Click Me
LoL... i'll keep that in mind ;-)
In our family God Parents are more of a religious thing. Not really who the kids would go to if we die. A god parent is more to support the religious beliefs of the family and to guide them along the way.... But again, this is in our family. I know lots of people who assign guardianship to the god parents should somethig happen to them.
Click Me
Totally get that! Totally wasn't saying you should give him to her hah! It has to be the right person, the person who knows how you want him to grow up.
It's a super hard decision. Not a fun one either, because of the things you have to think of.
The God Parents thing is totally based on you and your religion. Ry doesn't have God Parents (yet) because we don't really have a religion. I was raised Catholic and Cameron was raised Mormon; both of us aren't part of the church anymore. When he's old enough, we'll let him choose what he wants. We will obviously teach him the basics.
But, for me, God Parents are the ones who teach you and lead you through your religious life, AND take the kids if the parents die.
This is an issue that i have discussed with H before and we agreed that once we are pregnant we will have a will and trust drawn up. I know someone who does the trusts for a living. she's the liason for an attorney and does them much cheaper and this is an iron clad trust plus she comes out to you for your appointment. so needless to say i've learned a lot and she's convinced me that everyone should do this. having a child to be raised by somone else makes it all the more important.
hopefully one day soon we'll have those papers drawn up
We made the decision to ask my brother and his (soon to be) wife. My brother is an awesome Dad to his kids from his first marriage and he and my DH and I are on the same page about values/morals etc. We still need to have a will drawn up but everyone in my family knows what our choice was.
I didn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings, it was about what was best for Christian and who we felt would give him the life he deserved!
Before we split and when we were planning on having kids DH and I discussed this. We had a big fight over it because he wanted his kids to stay in California and go with his sister, even though she was a divorced mother of two who does NOT share my parenting style ideas. I wanted my kids to go with my happily married brother and SIL in MN. I would have won in the end because, honestly, I don't think XH's sister would have wanted to take on another kid.
Anyway, the real reason I'm writing this is to encourage everyone with children to put their decision in writing! This is SO important! A friend of mine does not have a Mom and when her Dad got really sick back in HS and wound up in the hospital social services put her in foster care for two days because he didn't have in writing where he wanted her to go. So even though her Grandma was saying "She's supposed to go with me!" they couldn't place her there until they confirmed the Grandmother was really her grandmother and determined she was the closest relative. It was a horrible situation.
Ray and I had both agreed that Isabella (and any future kids) should go to my parents (my mom and stepdad). Except that as of a month ago, my stepdad is leaving my mom for another woman, my parents are getting divorced, and finances will be difficult for my mom.
So, I have no idea now. I hadn't even thought about this aspect of it.
I adore his mom, but I don't know that I want her to raise Bella with her husband. He's not so much a kid person, and she tends to drink a lot at night. They are very financially stable, in fact quite well off, but it's all tied completely to her husband, and that makes me nervous since their marriage and money is kind of weird - without going into details.
I have no idea if my dad and stepmom or his dad and stepmom would even be interested in something like this. Of the two, as much as I adore his dad, I would be more comfortable with my dad and stepmom for financial stability reasons. And I know that it would hurt my mom (a lot) if she didn't end up with Bella in a case like this. She would still be my top choice, but Ray and I haven't talked about this in awhile, and we probably should. But I need to wait until things are a little more certain in my mom's life again before I bring this up. *sigh*
There are other people in factor too, but I don't want to go into details on the nest.
*Jumps up and down waiving arms*. No matter what ya'll decide, she always has a place in my house!!!!
Aaron and I decided long ago, that our kids will go to my parents. If my parents are not up to it, then we'll see. They will NOT go to his parents. Maybe my sister, but I don't know that she's at a place to decide that yet (she's 19).
Totally this. We know that we would want BIL to raise DD if anything happened to us but we have not made a will yet. We have talked about it with other family though, so it is known what our wishes are if anything were to happen.
The Life of the E Family