Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
advice needed
Hi all,
I have never posted here but I thought I would try. (I am usually on TTACL boards) So, thanks in advance for reading and replying.
I want to help my sister. We are 99% positive that she is a lesbian. From things she has said, a recent divorce and "sightings", there really isnt any doubt. Anywaz, I have no prob with it but she is having a very very hard time communicating with my parents and I. She is pretty much trying to cut all communication. I think its b/c we remind her of her "other" life when she was marriend and she cant be the person she really is in front of us and she is tired of faking it. I want it to go back to old times where we would say anything and be so close. I feel like I dont even know her anymore. Is there anything I can do to make her more comfortable?
Re: advice needed
I'm not exactly clear. What do you mean by "sightings"? Has she come out to you or your family? She might be cutting people off because she is having a hard time with the divorce, or because she doesn't think people will accept her being gay, or because she's unsure...or a million other things.
Have you talked to her recently?
Do you mean by sightings, someone saw her at a gay bar/event? Could you say, "Oh, Suzy said she saw you at XYZ the other night! Did you have fun?" Be casual, open, and positive about it.
It is difficult in the beginning of coming out because you (and those around you) have to make a paradigm shift of you thought you were (and who those around you thought you were.) She may not know how to broach that with herself, much less family. Of course, in the end you (and your family, typically) realize you are the same person you've always been - but during those coming out weeks/months/years it doesn't feel like it.
The best thing you can do is to reach out to her, support her, and leave the door open for her to come to you when she is ready.
I would recommend bringing up lesbian/bisexual-related issues in a positive way, so you sister knows she can be open with you. For example, learn about and discuss same-sex marriage, or parenting or LGBT rights in the workplace in front of her. But like 2brides said, she may not be ready to talk about this with you or your parents yet. If you want to rebuild closeness, it's probably a good idea to respect that.
The best thing you can do give her a sense that you are totally okay with LGBT people so that when she's ready, you're the person she comes to. If she's avoiding you in person, you could forward her a newspaper article or post LGBT-friendly stuff on facebook. Here's another resource for tips:
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=541