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Need advice for engaged friend
Since it's so quiet over here 
My friend is engaged, getting married next year. She is going through a rough time with her future inlaws. I would say she and her fi spend equal amounts of time with her family and his, even though his family lives prob 2 hours away and her family lives here. Part of the problem is that his family never comes to visit, and then complains they don't see the couple much.
Also, she wants a small wedding and his family wants a huge Catholic wedding.
My guess is, the problem is that her Fi doesn't stand up for her, to his family, but he also sort of buys into his family's sense of 'entitlement' (like that if they want him to have a big expensive Catholic wedding, they should get it, even though the couple can't afford it).
It's strange, because I have been to hell and back with my inlaws, but I don't have much advice for my friend. She should try to have her Fi stand up for her and what they want, as a united front, but it seems like many guys have a really hard time standing up to their mothers. I was going to suggest the books "Toxic inlaws' and "Toxic Parents", but I feel bad, I have a feeling this is going to be a long-term issue for her. I can tell she is so stressed that it is causing serious issues in her relationship. Any suggestions?
Re: Need advice for engaged friend
I think her and FI need to talk ASAP. If he isn't standing up for her now...will he ever? That is a huge problem. You need to stand up for one another...even against your parents at times. If he's ruled by his parents, they sound like they will have a very unhappy marriage.
My advice....resolve this issue BEFORE walking down the aisle. There is nothing wrong with walking away if it isn't right and the FI can't or won't chose his soon to be wife over his parents. It will be harder to separate after a wedding than before.
That's not for her to deal with with his parents. It's definitely an issue between the 2 of them and a wedding should be held off until it's resolved. The fact that he won't stand up for her and communicate THEIR wishes strongly to his family is a major issue, IMO.
(And this comes from someone with a HUGE Catholic Italian family and I had to step up and draw the line on some things my family wanted and we did not. And visa-versa as my MIL was a bit more traditional-decor wise (no bows, paper decor, etc) and Jeff stood up and communicated that effectively.
This sounds EXACTLY like how my ILs are toward my BIL and his wife. They live 4 hours away because that is where BIL could find a good job and they really didn't want to be close to ILs. MIL blames her DIL for making her son move away from her. BIL drives home about once a month, and MIL goes up there no more than once a year. She complains he doesn't come home enough and feels that it is his responcibility to come here since he is the one who chose to move away. When they got married, MIL had a problem with everything. DIL is not catholic but compromised and had the wedding in a catholic church, but with the short ceremony. You would think world was coming to an end with how ILs reacted to this. For a month MIL refused to go to the wedding. And they also refused to hold the rehersal dinner because of the church thing. Finally at the last minute she changed her mind and they had a small rehersal dinner at a local restaurant. But only set it up the day before.
I don't have any advice because in our situation, there is no fix. If BIL stood up to his mother she really wouldn't take it in and understand. She would 100% blame her DIL for everything he says no matter what he says. She would not talk to them, and do whatever she could to make thier lives hel without talking to them. And she would cry and cry and cry.