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Is this odd? (re: FIL)

My FIL has a new girlfriend.. actually not so new.  He has been with her for prob 2-3 years. 

In the beginning, he never told us about her, but I figured it out.  FIL never gives us gifts, and he borrows money.  So when I heard he had gone on some vacations, I was thinking there was a new girlfriend.  And then he started showing up with cute little things for DD, so I totally knew he had a girlfriend.

Which is perhaps relevant.. because I am wondering if it is strange he has never introduced his girlfriend to us?  DH met her briefly when he stopped at his dad's, but that is it.  FIL is invited over all the time, but he never brings the gf.  She was supposed to come over because we were celebrating FIL's birthday, we bought a big cake and extra food, and then FIL showed up as if he had never said he would bring the gf.

I feel kind of bad because this woman has gotten the kids lots of stuff, bought and wrapped gifts, made easter baskets, etc... she even bought me some lotion for Xmas, and I have never met her (and I don't even know her name).  If I were her I might feel a little awkward, it seems like she is making such a nice effort and she has never met these kids she has been very generous to over 2+ years.  (FYI they both live in the Cap Region).  I am not judging, only asking if you guys think this is odd?

Re: Is this odd? (re: FIL)

  • Was there something that happened between your DH and him with regards to his mom that might make his dad feel awkward about bringing her over? Have you talked to your DH about it? Maybe there's something underlying you don't know about that they discussed and is making it uncomfortable for him to bring her by...have you been very honest saying you'd really like to meet her if she's such a big part of his life?
  • your relationship with your FIL has been lukewarm (at least what  gather from your posts) He might not want to upset you or impose (this might not seem possible based on his past behavior but its one thing for him to be a burden but another to bring his gf into the picture...KWIM?)
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  • We don't talk to my MIL so I think FIL would feel safe about coming over here.  I don't think 'p*ssing us off* is remotely a concern for FIL.. he has a 'could care less' attitude - borrows money and doesn't return it, doesn't show up when he's supposed to, doesn't return calls, does things against our wishes, etc.. so maybe that's the key (not caring about intro'ing his gf).

    I guess on my own personal level, I was thinking by now I would have met her and I could have thanked her for the last 2-3 years of gifts for the kids and myself, but I don't even know her name.  I know FIL spends all his time with her , so it is kind of a slap in the face after everything we have done for him, and how we invite him to every occasion and he doesn't even return phone calls.  Not that I'm surprised.. but I may try to find a way to get a thank-you to the gf.

    Oh and a side note - when I had the baby, FIL was spuposed to come to the hospital with DH to visit me.  Then he showed up in the morning unannounced ( of course I had my boobs out), but we totally know it is b/c the gf was working and couldn't make it, otherwise I know she would have wanted to come along.  I wouldn't want to be a gf that my bf hid from my family, especially if I was making such an effort.. poor woman!

  • Has your DH met her?  It seems like you want to meet her and interact with her.  If that's the case, why not speak with your DH about it?  If he is cool with that plan, why not ask your FIL to bring her over?  If you make meeting her a priority, and not just leave it to him when he makes it sound like she'll be there, maybe he will bring her.  He sounds like an odd man in general, and this whole thing does seem a little strange.

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