Austin Nesties
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Consumed by Pornography
(ad in my local paper)
Consumed by Pornography
Find Freedom
13 week Sexual Purity Course
Its held at a church. WTF?
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Re: Consumed by Pornography
In my bag: Canon 60D, 50mm 1.4, Tamron 28-75 2.8, 430exii
*101 Blog*foodie blog*scrapbooking blog*
do you guys think pornography is harmless?
i think it can be a destructive addiction. and that the vast majority of porn does not promote a healthy view of women.
LOL. I chose the Subject line for that very reason
Well, obsession with anything is destructive. Alcohol can be a destructive addiction but I still like my margaritas.
But I don't think Porn - in and of itself - is bad. It may not promote women very well....but think of sitcoms on everyday tv and how they portray men. Men are always shown as bumbling fools who happen to have a smart, hot wife. I don't think that's any better.
I really thought my office's Websense would catch this page and not let me open it! Yesterday it censored "walk-in x-ray cowboys training" search results (which I was googling for a friend getting an x-ray done there) and the censoring reason was "sex"!
Don't think porn is bad. I'm with ali - obsession w anything is bad. Though porn probably does promote unrealistic expectations as far as bedroom behavior/results!
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
so you agree that 'consumed by pornography' is a problem, worthy of support/classes to overcome, just as 'consumed by alcohol' would be.
two wrongs don't make a right, my friend.
Jezca - at first I was confused by the ad. It didn't click that it was for helping people with porn obsessions. I think the Sexual Freedom part threw me off
Two wrongs don't make a right, very true. But there are so many examples of people not being portrayed in a good way. That's never going to change. Accountants will always be stereotyped as stuffy and uptight. Bikers will always be portrayed as outlaws. Women in porn are portrayed as sluts. It doesn't bother me. You can't take away everything that gives off a bad image, because what would we have left?
I'm not explaining this well at all and probably don't make any sense. I need somebody more eloquent to come along so I can "Ditto!" their post
i disagree. social norms change. 10 years ago, it was socially acceptable to be appalled by homosexuals. 15 years ago, it was socially acceptable to call someone/something "retarded." 50 years ago, it was socially acceptable to separate black from white.
now, we know better, and these things are no longer tolerated.
we can work towards the same for women. women are not brainless sexual objects. porn that promotes physically/emotionally restraining and/or abusing women should not be tolerated.
I agreed with your statement about the social norms changing. At the same time in the past 20 years or so america is becoming more conservative and prude. In Europe the women are more free and are not objectified at all, but they also have porn magazines displayed out in public at news stands!
I was thinking of staying out of this post but I'll try to explain my thoughts in a way that makes sense.
1. I think that if someone has an "addiction" to it, then it's good there is somewhere they can get help. Honestly, I think this is often a cop out for people who just don't want to stop. (I'm not saying always.)
2. Do I think it's harmless? I think it depends on the situation. If a couple is okay with it, then who cares? In regard to the pp, I think that most people know it's not real and watch it as they would fantasize. I do think there is an issue with pornography if it's violent but I wouldn't think that's what most people who watch porn watch.
3. I also think that some of the women in those movies think it gives them power. I've seen some interviews of them on tv and it's interesting the perspective they have. Some of them make alot of money doing it and like the attention (Maybe they just act like that but I don't think porn stars are THAT good at acting...)
Ultimately, I think that if people are okay with their SO watching it or like to watch it together, who am I to judge? It's none of my business what they do in their bedroom. (Alright...I hope this doesn't piss anyone off. I certainly don't mean to.)
I am really not a fan of the "feminist" argument that using sexuality to your advantage gives you power. I just don't buy it because it still revolves around objectification. And do powerful men use their sexuality to achieve or maintain power? I can't think of any examples where this works. Nicolas Sarkozy's marriage to Carla Bruni makes him the butt of a lot of jokes in France, for example.
Maybe it's true for a few porn stars (that they feel empowered by their sexuality), but my guess is that they are the exception rather than the rule and I honestly just feel sorry for these women.
I wonder how many women who are fine with their husbands watching porn would be upset if they found out they were looking at gay porn or child porn. Where do you draw the line? Because, IMO, this stuff is about fantasy, and let's face it, fantasies are not supposed to have limits. What do you say - "go ahead and indulge your sexual fantasies as long as they are not too perverted for my moral code"? What's the point then?
Although I have my opinions on the topic - this is pretty much where I fall overall.
Yes. Well, yes to the child porn aspect. Gay porn and child porn are very different things, IMO. I know there are people who, for religious reasons, feel differently and I can't argue with that. It's just not how I feel.
Re: Gay porn. Along the lines of social norms, women "experimenting" with women has become more and more commen. Yet, a man can't even look at gay porn without being gay? I don't believe that. I don't know anything about the porn that my husband looks at, and admittedly would be very shocked if I found out he watched gay porn. However, I think (once I calmed down, because I can be honest that it'd be harder for me to handle something like this with my own husband than in a hypothetical internet situation) I'd have to come to terms with that, and that it's not my place to tell him what turns him on.
Re: Child porn. Totally different situation. Child pornography does not get created without a child being wronged. If someone is turned on by child pornography, that crosses into the area of porn being a problem and that person should seek help. There is nothing sexual about a child, and if someone thinks there is, obviously there are some other problems at hand. Yes, that gets kind of gray when it comes to teenagers because sometimes teenagers have very adult bodies, but they certainly don't have adult brains, and that's where it's up to the adult to do the right thing.
these seem like conflicting statements. either there is or is not a definitive right and wrong when it comes to things that arouse sexual desires.
aaaand one could argue that to a straight man, there is nothing sexual about another man.
I think the term Consenting Adults sums this one up. Any fantasies a man might have about Consenting Adults is fair game. Gay porn involved consenting adults. Child porn does not.
Child porn was a bad example since we all realize that it's illegal and hurtful to minors. I guess I just meant that there is a wide range of legal porn and I personally would not want to have to think / worry about what my DH is watching because I said it was okay.
I honestly don't care who watches legal porn and if that's what makes a marriage tick, go for it. I don't consider that my business.
Re: Conflicting statements, you do have a point there, they are conflicting statements. I don't have all the answers, but I do know I'd have a serious problem with my husband (or anyone for that matter) looking at child pornography.
Re: Straight men. You can argue that, and it's a good one. Two men having sex is pretty darn sexual (sexual: sex?u?al play_w2("S0303500") adj. Of, relating to, involving, or characteristic of sex, sexuality, the sexes, or the sex organs and their functions.) though. No, it doesn't turn me on (and I'm pretty sure it doesn't turn my husband on), but I don't think it's true that there are no straight men in the entire world who are turned on by two people having sex, regardless of the gender of those two people.
P.S. I feel like the pro-porn queen over here! LOL I'm just arguing a pretty liberal point of view, for the sake that I think it should be said. I should admit, I've never seen gay porn, or very much heterosexual porn for that matter. I'm not sheltered or prude or against it (in general), but it's just not something that's been um ... (hahaha) a big part of my life
I think the rest of us are probably just too chicken to reply.
BFP 12.20.2010 :: missed m/c 1/2011 around 8 weeks
BFP @ 9dpo 5.24.2011 :: missed m/c 6/2011 around 7 weeks
positive for ANAs (1:40) with a speckled pattern
MTHFR c677t mutation (heterozygous)
*folic acid, baby asprin, Prometrium, acupuncture, Lovenox*
BFP @ 9dpo 2.1.2012 || HCG = 8 : Progesterone = 19.2
2nd HCG @ 11dpo = 40 || 3rd HCG @ 21dpo = over 5000!
Stick, little one, stick! EDD October 15, 2012
This is off the topic of porn, but fantasy is NOT consenting adults. If you are having sexual fantasies about a celebrity or a hot guy at work or whatever, he did not give you permission to sexualize him. He most likely did nothing to illicit it. So you are turning him into a sex object without his permission.
Thats okay. I feel like the big ol' prude. I hope I'm not coming across as judgemental. I'm not saying I have a problem with other married men or women using porn if their spouse has no problem with it. It's none of my business. I just think that its a slippery slope and I'm not okay with it in my marriage. For what it's worth, my husband agrees, so that's what works for us. Whatever works for somebody else is there business. But it does make for quite a discussion.
ETA: Or non-married people who aren't "consumed" I'm getting my threads confused.
I don't know about celebrities not consenting to being objectified. To at least some degree, objectification can make, instead of break a career.
For example, I'm pretty sure Alexander Skarsgard (AKA "Eric Northman") knows that the hotter he looks and the more hotly he portrays Eric, the more women will see him as sexy (and possibly some men) and the more he will be likely to get um, "juicy" roles in the future.
(Can you tell I have a thing for the dude?)
So no, I wouldn't say objectifying a celebrity is like cheating. Not being able to have sex with your significant other without fantasizing about said celebrity might indicate the need for some spice or re-connection with your signif. other, but I don't think it's the same thing as cheating.
Just to clarify, I'm not saying that fantasizing about celebrities is necessarily cheating. I was simply making the point that PP was drawing the line of okay vs not at "consenting adults" and when you fantasize about anybody, they are not consenting (unless they are in porn or, I suppose, you ask their permission).
I don't get this point- who cares if the person in your fantasy doesn't give you permission to fantasize about them. How are they hurt by that? I apologize if I'm misunderstanding, I just don't get the point of even considering that as a problem. Consent involves actions, not someone elses daydreams and I totally agree that the key to porn vs illegal is consent.
I'm surprised no one has said this so I'll stir the flames with it
I would be curious to know the church's definition of "consumed". Are they truly trying to help people that have a problem with it or convince casual users of it's evils? Just random curiousity...
or we just saw the post! I got your back
Sozay, I was responding to the previous post a bit of a way up about celebrities not giving their consent to be objectified. (As well as the "is looking/fantasizing cheating" question from way up in the thread.) That's not my position. IMO, if they're not okay with it, then they're in the wrong business.
I wonder what the church means by it too, btw, but I'm guessing they might consider any use to be too much.
ETA: ThisGirlinAustinl-- I get ya on the clarification. My bad, I got my threads confused too.
My guess would be a combination of both. However, it's not like they control who walks in the door, so I guess an attendee would probably think they have a big problem... unless it's a case where an overzealous mom sent her teenage son because he got caught or something. :P
You're not alone. I said my piece earlier. My feelings are, I don't care about porn or who watches it or who fantasizes about whom or whatever. (Not including illegal stuff of course!)