Dividing Holidays

babygirl_ash_mc

My husband and I love spending time with our families so we are trying to find a fair system for dividing the holidays. How do you divide the holidays with your husbands side of the family??

blu-eyedwife

We have a natural division - my family is Jewish and his is Catholic.  So we spend Easter and Christmas with his family, and by default Thanksgiving with mine.

Because my dad died, we're going to start spending Father's Day with his dad and Mother's Day with my mom.

Most other holidays we spend on our own, although my mom has been joining us since my dad died so she doesn't have to be alone.

WA1215

eta*forgot about Thanksgiving:  My mom does an early Thanksgiving "dinner" at about 2 pm.  MIL does her dinner around 7.  So, we eat at both places. 

We spend Christmas eve with MIL and SILs and their kids.

Christmas day we spend with my parents and siblings.  Then, after gifts are open and while I help my Mom prepare dinner, DH goes over to MIL's to visit with her.

Ilumine

When not stationed in Germany (or pregnant), we split Thanksgiving and Christmas between our families.  Where depends on when we have SS; then we go to his side.

I refuse to divide the actual day up.  REFUSE.  It is not fair to US to do all that driving (even if it were only 10 min) just for our families peace.

And with kids, it is even a bigger no no.  It is not fair to THEM to have to do all of this traveling. 

riderpunk

IL's get thanksgiving and my family gets Christmas.  Found it was the easiest way to separate them.  All the other holidays we don't tend to follow.

EricandKaren

ours is a mess because our parents live 7 minutes away from each other!  Therefore we end up picking one primary family for thanksgiving and the other for christmas, BUT since they are so close, we usually see both sets of parents on each holiday!  its not always fun, but we dont have kids yet so we feel obligated to see both sets.  however, we're lucky they get along so well because on minor holidays, we invite everyone over to our house! (father's day, easter, etc)

pandasquishy

Our families live about 80 minutes apart.   We tried to do Thanksgiving at both places one year and it was a huge mess.  This is the first year we're married and we're planning on doing Tgiving with his family and Christmas with mine.  Then switch back and forth every year until we're in a position to host a holiday ourselves.

getitdone

For Christmas - DH's family celebrates on Christmas Eve and my parents celebrate Christmas morning so it is easy for us.

 Thanksgiving - My family is small so we go to eat Thanksgiving dinner at my parents and then go to DH's family for dessert.

Easter - DH's family doesn't do anything for Easter so we spend it with my parents.

Nicole and Chris

We have been trading off for a few years now.  What we do is one side gets Thanksgiving that year and the other side gets Christmas.  Whomever gets Thanksgiving also gets Christmas Eve. My family always does things on Christmas eve (their big present opening time) so sometimes we end up having my MIL and SIL over (FIL is a fireman and usually works on Christmas eve) to my cousins.  My family (parents and sister) live further away and would need to travel to us so if they are going to be up here for the holidays MH family knows that the time is spent with them since it is more flexible for us to get together with his side of the family. (Although MIL thinks that it doesn't count if you celebrate the holiday not on the day but she has no choice but to get used to it).

Charlotte1776

Last Christmas we spent with my husband's family four states away and we went up there for mother's day this year, so my husband only has 5 vacation days left until next April so we probably won't get to go up there again this year. I think we're going to do play-by-ear sort of thing, where we decide when to go based on what seems best. My mother in law fights with people a lot, so we can only really go up there when things are calm.

chardonnay24

Right now, we do Thanksgiving with both, Christmas Eve with my dad's side, Christmas morning with my mom's side, Christmas day with the ILs, and a Christmas dessert/drinks with my grandparents. It's intense, and once we have the baby it'll get harder.

We'll probably keep Thanksgiving and Christmas Even the same, do Christmas morning at home, Christmas day with the ILs, and Christmas dinner with mom's side, including grandparents. Still crazy, but at least we'll have our nice, relaxed Christmas morning at home. Our parents only live 15 minutes apart, so it's not a ton of driving.

ETA: We split Easter, Father's day and Mother's day. ILs don't do anything for 4th of July, Memorial Day, or Labor Day, so we usually do a BBQ with my family. No one in my family cares about Halloween, but it is MILs birthday, so we usually end up paying her a visit.

operamuse

Before we moved to London my DH and I split the holidays with one side getting Thanksgiving and the other getting Christmas, then we'd flip it the next year. This year we spent the holidays alone, which was a nice change. When we get more settled and have chilldren we're planning on having the holidays at our house (I'm kind of a Christmas fanatic!) with a big spread and lots of traditions. Any one that wants to come from our families are welcome.

 As for the other holidays, we usually deal with them as they come. We used to live about 20 minutes from my family and his was 3 hours away, so we usually ended up spending them with my family by default.

festivegal2008

H's parents are deceased but he has 7 siblings and a ton of nieces/nephews.  We do Christmas eve with my family and stay the night at my parents' house, wake up and have breakfast/open gifts with them. Then we go and have Christmas day dinner with my in laws.

 

Thanksgiving - I always said we should rotate but H chooses to spend it with my family because several of his siblings all break apart and have dinner with their own families/in laws. I recently told him if we're going to have dinner with mine, we have to have dessert with his to be fair, even if it means not seeing everybody depending on where everyone goes. 

 

Easter - we went with his family one year, the next year with mine. I guess it'll be a rotation system with that one.

jadatrack

Both of our families live hundreds of miles way. The only holidays we care about are Thanksgiving and Christmas. His mom is kind of crazy and needs to be in control, so our policy is to stay home and whoever wants to see us for whichever holiday is welcome to come to our home. It usually works out that my family comes for Thanksgiving, and his comes for Christmas, though both families are invited to both holidays.

tnrb

In the past, we did odd years Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with my ILs.  Even years are the opposite.  This year, we are unable to travel due to pregnancy, so family has to come to us.  

 In future years, we still plan to alternate Thanksgiving, but Christmas will be at home, since I believe kids should sleep in their own beds and open presents at home.  All are welcome to our house, and we may travel in town only in the afternoon or evening.  

togacrew3

I'm Christian and DH is Jewish so luckily it's not too difficult to split them up! Jewish holidays with his family, Christian holidays (really only Xmas) with mine... Thanksgiving we switch every other year. If we spend Thanksgiving day with his family then we go to my family for the weekend and vice versa. It gets a little hairy because I traditionally spent Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family and then had a second Txgiving with my mom. So when we have Txgiving with his family on Thursday, we then have a Txgiving with my dad on Friday and a Txgiving with my mom on Saturday.

Thankfully I only have to worry about Thanksgiving!

anneliseb

This is our first holiday season as a married couple, and it's going to be a tough one.  His family is very understanding and wouldn't mind seeing us on the day after the holiday, or whenever, but my mother is absolutely 100% concerned with her own wants and will want to see us for every second of each holiday.   My parents, his dad, and one of his sets of grandparents all live in the same town, so theorectically we could do all of them in one day.  My grandparents live 30 minutes away, and his other grandparents live 2 hours away.  My parents usually have a Christmas Eve service at their church, so we were thinking of doing Christmas Eve with them (which might include my grandparents, if they can come), Christmas morning at home, Christmas day with his family, the day after Christmas with his grandparents who live 2 hours away. 

We had a huge fiasco with my mother during Easter this year, so we'll definitely be doing Easter with them next year.  I don't even know where to being with Thanksgiving!

 I have a feeling that no matter what we do, my mom will try to make us feel guilty about not spending every second with her.  (By the way, we see her at least once a week.  Shoot me!)

Mrs. Chip

each family gets every other Thanksgiving. We do Christmas Eve with the in laws since that day is more important to them. They go to a church service, have a dinner and open presents that night. Then Christmas day we go to see my family. It works out perfect this way. Each fam knows their days and we never feel rushed or pressured.

iteachkids81

we live closest to DH's mom so we spend most holidays with her. My dad and siblings all live across the continent from us.... so we see them once or twice a year, as finances and schedules allow, not necessarily on a specific holiday.

FutureMrsDrew73110

we spend Easter eve with his family and go to church then do Easter day with my family. My family eats thanksgiving dinner at 3 and his at 6 or 7 so we do both.In even years we have the children for Christmas day so on Christmas eve we go to church and have dinner with his family. Then Christmas morning & afternoon we spend with my family then go to his aunt & Uncle's for dinner. In odd years when we have the children for Christmas eve we spend Christmas Eve morning with my parents then we go to church and have dinner with his family. Then Christmas morning & afternoon we spend with my family then go to his aunt & Uncle's for dinner.

J+R

Honestly... we don't. 

My IL's are the most selfish, hateful, people - they don't get along with ANYONE... We've tried doing the "together" dinners and it just doesnt work out. 

We usually invite my ILs over on Christmas from about 3-4:30 for coffee and to give them their gifts, and then we (DH & I, not them) go to my families house. 

We've tried talking to them about manners, being respective (not screaming and MFing each other in public!) but until they can control themselves, they are on their own at the holidays...

bostonjen

Before we had a kid we would alternate holidays each year.  My family for Thanksgiving and his for Christmas one year and then switch it the next year.  For the past 3 or 4 years,  H and I have hosted both families at Thanksgiving and alternated families for Christmas.  Now that we have Rocco, I think we will do our own thing for Christmas and maybe go visit my family after the holidays.  Not sure about Thanksgiving.  I'd love to host again, but our house seems to be getting smaller and smaller!  We're trying to sell and move to the burbs, but I don't think that will happen in time to host a big holiday gathering.