Pregnant and Riding The Subway

Rachiemoo

So, I am just starting to show (depending on what I'm wearing) and I've been offered a seat a few times on the train, which I really appreciate.

The thing is, I feel kind of guilty accepting it!  I really do want to sit down, but I'm not huge yet so I still feel strange.  Can anyone else relate?

I've also noticed it is always women and minority men who offer, has anyone else seen a pattern?

Nova726

I'm never been pregnant but I've noticed that pattern too, on the bus.  Pregnant women (and elderly) get on and I'm always amazed to see that people don't offer their seat. I always look around for a guy to see if they're going to and then offer mine. 

I can't believe how people hide behind their books/newspapers/phones and pretend to be oblivious.  Whether or not you want to sit is up to you, don't feel bad unless it really looks like the person offering it needs it more.

Temp663997437501443

I think it sometimes really is that people don't notice.  There are days when I see people giving up seats and some days I see that they aren't.  I haven't noticed any particular pattern or anything. I have given up my seat many times. I try to offer to anyone who looks like they might need it more than me.

I sometimes get offered a seat by gentlemen.  I hope it's not because I look PG, just because they are polite.  Sometimes I decline, but other days I am dog-tired and gladly accept.  I don't feel guilty about it.

joleine

I've noticed men offered me more often.. and occasionally a little old lady.  But I'm telling you, TAKE the seat.  When you're much bigger you and your feet will thank you.  the last 3 weeks of my pregnancy my feet were SO SWOLLEN that standing was excruciatingly painful!

firedancer22

just to throw a wrench in things--and this is all for my own peace of mind that i even bring it up...i don't always offer my seat to someone because i have 4 herniated discs and permanent spinal cord damage, and am pretty much in excruciating pain all the time.  if i see an elderly person, or someone who is "very" pregnant, and i'm able to tolerate the standing, of course, i do so.  it's hard for me, because i don't "look disabled," so people think i'm being a jerk.

yes, there are a lot of people out there without manners.  but remember that not everybody that doesn't offer you a seat is doing so out of rudeness!

lawby2005

I was gonna post something like this last week when in one day I noticed that no one gave up their seat to obviously pregnant women on the bus and on the E train. I was like dam (I was standing).

But yes, I notice that its always women and minority men. I always give up my seat if the elderly or visibly pregnant woman comes on.

But I understand where you are coming from Firedancer..I had this ankle injury for years where  I could not stand up longer than 5 minutes or so and at that time, I was not able to give up my seats and I hoped no one thought I was a jerk.

Also, what do you do if the woman may or may not be pregnant? I had a few cases where I was eyeing some poor woman's tummy trying to decide if she is pregnant or was a little, um, round?!? I err to not pregnant so as not to embarass.

MrsKocal

I've noticed politeness all around, actually.  I don't ride the subway daily, but men and women have both offered to carry things for me, to help me bring groceries to my car, to get me a chair to sit down, etc.

The only WTF moment I have had was the other day at work (I work at a law school).  I was going through a door and saw a man (caucasian male)  about 30 feet away.  I could have let the door go and been on my merry way, but I held it for him, which meant I stood there for a good 10 seconds while he approached.  THe guy WALKED RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR and didn't even acknowledge me.  No thank you, no smile, no grabbing the door for me so I could let go while he held it for himself.  Just stormed right through as if I was the door stopper.   I wanted to scream "HELLO??  Do you see that a PREGNANT WOMAN is holding the door for you???"

I was pissed.

Lisichka

I also felt very awkward accepting a seat on the subway when I was pregnant, especially when I was just starting to show. By the time the summer rolled around and I had three months to go, I gladly accepted it. And I noticed that mostly men offered their seats.

Nova726

lawby2005:

Also, what do you do if the woman may or may not be pregnant? I had a few cases where I was eyeing some poor woman's tummy trying to decide if she is pregnant or was a little, um, round?!? I err to not pregnant so as not to embarass.

Lol, I do the same thing.  I always think of that Mad About You episode, and that has terrified me of mistaking somebody for being pregnant.

LMRogs

Earlier on, if someone was kind enough to offer me a seat I usually declined. I thanked them profusely, but I felt guilty taking it. Now that I am about 7 months and we have this heat wave, I would definitely take the seat! Of course at this point, hardly anybody offers me a seat! I am very obviously pregnant, ride the train 4 times a day, and I am usually standing.

And Firedancer, I totally understand. I have a condition where I'm often in pain standing but you wouldn't know it from looking at me (this is in regular life, not just in pregnant life). It's the late-20, early 30 something guys who actually race me for a seat to/from work that I want to kick in their shins for having no manners - I feel like I regularly live your story MrsKocal!