Dividing the chores???

pennyandandy

HELP! I think I have reached the end of my frustration level with DH. We used to do a really good job of dividing work around the house, but lately he has adopted an attitude that the outside work is his job, and the inside work is mine. Yeah, that doesn't seem quite right.

Every week night I feel like I'm working my butt off when I get home-I cook dinner almost every night, then go straight to washing dishes, laundry, cat boxes, vaccuuming, dusting, etc. DH mows and weed eats once every 8-10 days. And usually he asks me to help!

Anyhow, the point of my venting is, how do you and DH divide the work? I almost feel like we need an actual visible list for him. Any ideas?

closapio

It's a constant battle in our house. I do most of the inside work, but there are days when I just don't have time! On those days, I email a honey-do list to my husband. It doesn't always get done, but at least he knows what I want him to do. He's a little dense when it comes to that kind of stuff.

bmf8140

We do a pretty good job, but do end up arguing about dishes every once in a while. We aren't sure how with just two of us, we have so many loads of dishes!

With laundry, we each do our own. I will probably do all of the laundry for the baby-so I defintely won't want to do DH's as well.

We actually share the outside work too. I kind of like mowing (although I didn't this summer while pg), plus I have summer's off from school so I don't mind.

 

emoflamingo

This is one of the reasons we started counseling. I go to school full-time, take care of our toddler and do 95% of the housework. H is also a "mow once every two weeks" type and he does a half assed job of it. Unfortunately, my counselor told us that it's because we don't "tell" them that things need to get done and they don't realize it. So I have tried telling him that I need him to do things, but I asked him once to do something and it took him 4 hours to finally do it. It wasn't like he was in the middle of homework or something, he was sitting on his butt watching TV.

Jen748

After reading some of these responses...mine may not help much! We don't really fight over chores...we split things up when we first lived together based on what we could tolerate or enjoyed and what we hated!

For example: 

Brett cooks and I clean up after dinner b/c I HATE cooking and he loves it. 

I do the laundry and dust becuase he hates both of those chores. 

He cleans the bathrooms and does the floors b/c I hate cleaning bathrooms! 

He handles the main outside chores and the auto's because he enjoys them.

I handle the finances, insurance and other important paperwork because I am too anal to let that go!  

We are really good about helping each other out too. When he was working full time, in school full time and doing clinicals he was home maybe a few nights a week to sleep and that was about it...so I did almost everything chore-wise. Now that I am pregnant and nauesous while standing or bending, he is doing the laundry and sometimes the kitchen clean up for me. 

 

I am very anal and Brett is much more flighy so he loves it when I make him a list of random chores or things above and beyond his usual responsibilities...I am a big list maker so I love that I can make a Brett To-Do list too!! ~

 

My suggestion is to really sit down and talk with your hubby and make a list, if need be, and really figure out a solution that works for both of you!

mm&mm

Okay, well as bad as this sounds, sometimes I have to get things accomplished with DH like I would with my kids at school- very basic! (I teach primary, so I just think of him as a big kiddo).

Big lists of things are too much, so I try and narrow it down to one chore at a time. I also give a time limit. And this is huge for my DH because he has the attitude that he "can't be told what to do" so I always phrase things in a question so that I am not "telling him." I might say things like, "The trash is full, could you take it out before we eat dinner? or Can you pick up your laundry before you go to bed?"

 He doesn't know that I use these same strategies at school, but it gets things done

mm&mm

And as for how we divide chores... We each do our own laundry. He does mowing, weedeating, trimming outside. I do vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms. We share kitchen duties.

pennyandandy

Thanks for the ideas ladies, my husband also has the idea that when I ask him to do something he has as long as he wants to do it. Which is why I think I end up doing it-I ask him, and two hours later it's still not done, so I just do it. So maybe if I can give him one thing to do a day that can just be done anytime before he goes to bed, it won't be so bad??? It's worth a try...

MelZull

Most nights I end up cooking because dh works evenings and comes home for a short dinner break when we gets a chance. Those nights I also end up doing dishes and all the other clean up. However, the nights he has off work he tends to do the cooking and clean up to help me out.

I am horrible about cleaning the house and dont do it as often as I should, but when those days come and I just dont want clean I leave a list of what needs to be done and dh usually takes the chores I least enjoy like cleaning the bathrooms. Of course, this might take multiple reminders and a little extra push. Good luck.

rach1015

DH and I have lived together for 8 years and we've always taken care of our own messes with the exception of cleaning the kitchen because he's not a very good cook and would rather me do the cooking and him clean up the mess (this includes putting up any leftovers, rinsing the pots/pans used and putting them in the dishwasher, and wiping down the stove top and counters). ?He mainly washes all of the bottles for dd by hand in the evenings because I spend so much time hooked up to a pump that he says it's only fair and I'm NOT going to argue with that!! (c:

We both do our own laundry and share the chore of dd's laundry. ?I don't mind helping him do his laundry the days I'm home because I think that's the easiest chore around the house with the exception of putting it away, but I have made it very clear to dh not to touch my laundry because he's so careless when it comes to separating the whites from darks and I'm very OCD about this. ?

?DH enjoys doing the outside work including changing the oil in our cars, washing them, mowing, weed eating, cleaning up dog doo doo is something that he doesn't enjoy doing, but does it because he knows I wouldn't do it! ?I like planting flowers and that's about it for outside.

?DH and I both vacuum and dust. ?I've had to learn how to not be so anal about how good of job he does when he does it though because he dusts around things instead of picking them up to dust underneath. ?When it comes to the bathrooms, DH will do the toilets and showers/tubs and I do the sinks, vanities, and floors. ?Either of us does the mirrors. ?

?DH's worst habit is making piles of junk mail and old receipts from his wallet so I've always refused to pick up his clutter so he picks up all of that before we even start the dusting and stuff.

?I don't know if this will help you guys or not because dh has always been really good about helping out without me having to ask. ?His parents expected him to help out a lot when he was growing up so I didn't have much training to do! ?

?Good luck-

Rachel?