Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
I hate being on top....please help!!
Hi all, I'm never on this board, I'm usually on Bump boards, but I'm newly single and sex with my ex (hey that rhymes) was very routine and not exciting and I didn't ever have to do much of anything. Now I'm dating and embarassed to sleep with someone because I feel ignorant about it all. I hate being on top because I feel like I'm not doing it right/well I guess. Any suggestions about how I can be a better lover but not be on top?? Other positions, things I can do to participate more but not be on top?? Thanks everyone!
Re: I hate being on top....please help!!
when you say you 'didn't ever have to do much of anything" what does this mean were you always laying on your back motionless? did you grab him with your arms or anything?
You're rarely going to be the one controlling the thrusting but you can still grab his back with your hands and get into it a little. Play with his balls, or initiate the foreplay. if your doggie style you can control more just by the way you arche your back. or you can actually take full control of the way he goes into you by getting him to kneel while you back into him.
there are lots of things you can do to show that you're into it, or to make sure your participating (sometimes just by being vocal).
I think if I was you I'd look into reading a book on sex and on positions it might help you feel more comfortable with the whole topic.
Oh yes, I grabbed his back and stuff like that. Never the balls, didn't know that was something that would be liked.. hmmmm. It's so embarassing how little I feel like I know.
So it's not weird that I don't control the thrusting more? I was with one guy and he said I was selfishly soaking it all up. I really didn't know what that meant and he didn't want to elaborate. I mean I give oral and stuff like that, just not sure what else I'm supposed to be doing? so frustrating!
Also, if a guy tries to get me on top, how can I unawkwardly decline? and not ruin the mood?
honestly just talk to the guy. Usually guys do like when you play with their balls, just get into it though. If someone says that you're selfishly soaking it all up I'm guessing you just maybe don't engage very much. be a part of whats going on let the guy know if you want slower or faster, let him know if he's doing something good.
I'd try on top if I were you, I almost guarentee that you aren't bad at it, if you don't want to though then suggest a different position that might be easier for the guy (doggie style or maybe reverse cowgirl..so that your ontop but not facing him) he's probably wanting you to go on top partly though because he's getting tired and needs to switch things around.
Ya, he said I need ot give more of myself..
My anxiety right now is that I'm supposed to get together with this guy I've been seeing and this is likely going to be THE night and I'm afraid of making a bad impression and not hearing from him again. I mean I get very into it, I'm vocal and not a limp fish even if I'm on my back.
On top I don't think I move right or enough or fast enough and if I'm moving and he starts thrusting, etc, it toally throws me off and I lack that coordination I think... man, I'm a mess!
Meh, it takes practice. If one night of less-than-porn-star sex makes this guy head for the hills, he wasn't worth pursuing anyway. I would hope it wouldn't trump whatever time you've spent getting to know each other and growing to like each other, however brief that is.
The key, I think, to being good in bed is to be enthusiastic and willing to give anything a try, even if you aren't great at it right out of the gate. Be willing to laugh at yourself, too, if something slips this way or that or if you try something that doesn't work. It'll help ease your anxiety.
You might want to pick up The Guide To Getting It On. It's a great resource!
like pp said , it just takes practice. and confidence! You're probably a lot better than you think you are, if you're going slower and he's trying to thrust more it's sometimes because he likes it and he just wants to feel more, don't take it as a negative. If you loose rhythm don't worry about it just tell him that no you want him slower or choose that time to say that you want him on top now, or that you want him standing up (whatever). be open to new things and don't let a little awkward moment ruin the entire sack session, H and I have TONS of awkward moments, it's normal, just have fun!
Just let loose, really when you're having sex his concentration is probably going to be more on making sure HE does well. Just be yourself, communicate and have fun! The first time is rarely perfect, it takes time to get to know each other so just go for it!
More than how it feels, how you look, or how good you are, what most guys really like is a girl who is into them, is having a good time, and genuinely enjoys having sex with them. Being in sync with a guy can be learned, but chemistry can't.
As far as "doing it right" while on top--do what instinct tells you feels good for you. If it feels good for you, it will feel good for him, most likely. And you can always switch it up during. Barring a medical/emotional/psych issue, a dudes orgasm is pretty much a given, a woman's is the one that takes work.
It's perfectly lady like and feminine for you to be on top. It's not rude,weird or aggressive for those with passive types of personalities.
The only way I can big "O" is by being on top.