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FI is not down with NFP!
I've been taking BC on and off for almost ten years and am really excited to be done with it after I'm married. I've been planning this for a while and told FI about it a few times months ago. I bought TCOYF and have been talking about it with him more lately.
This morning, I bring this up again and I got the "the rhythm method is BS and it won't work." How do I (lovingly) help my FI get on board with this (and using condoms sometimes?). He is acting like an ignoramus and doesn't really want to learn how it works and why it is so effective. I'm Catholic and he's not, so I don't want this to come off as "some weird religious thing." I realize that I'm advocating condom use and that Catholics "aren't supposed to use condoms," but this is not the point so please don't flame me for this...I'm going to be transitioning from BC and my cycle is going to be all sorts of loopy so I feel like it's better to be extra-careful for just a few months until I'm more confident with this whole charting business since we aren't trying to conceive yet...
Anyway, any advice from anyone who has undergone something similar would be much appreciated!
PS Vent: When did BC become the sole responsibility of the woman, anyway? Jeez!
Re: FI is not down with NFP!
Take him to a class and have a teaching couple show both of you that it is as effective as any pill and it isn't hard work at all. It isn't the "rythmn method" and have him read up on the literature to help him understand.
I had to withhold from an ex in the past to get him to understand that I am not willing to put up with chemicals in my body.
*PCOS bio* *Cold Hands, Warm Heart*
Oh, snap!
OP, your body, your choice. Period.
There's room for user error and you have to stick with it, but that's true for any form of BC.
OP, DH was iffy at first and we went through several months of him agreeing with it only to have a meltdown at very inopportune times. Any time he had a question, I referred him to the book. Eventually, he read it. No problems since then.
And ditto Maybride. If he's not willing to work with you on it, then he needs to come up with something else. It's not all on you.
"I'm just gonna put this out there: it is not "so effective" as you stated. I know lots of couples who've screwed it up! Definitely go for the condoms if you are truly TTA"
It's as effective as you want it to be. Couples who have screwed it up did just that - they screwed it up. If you are smart and do it correctly it is VERY effective and really not rocket science. DH and I have been using a combo of FAM and condoms for over 3 and a half years without any problems at all and we NEVER want kids. It's the only form of BC I trust because *I* am in control. I know women who have used it for 10+ years without any mistakes. The more you do it and make it part of your lifestyle the better you are at it. You simply have to follow the rules without exception. And really, all BC is like that. Condoms and the pill work if you follow how they should be used - if not they could fail. FAM is no different. However, if your partner is not going to cooperate it's going to be difficult. Sounds like he's scared and therefore being unreasonable. Try to get him to read the book. Best of luck!
I went off the pill five years ago, well before we were married, and we've charted with no issues. My (now) DH can control himself when we're in the danger zone. He hates condoms too, so we just don't have sex.
DH read what I gave him to read and we had a class during our pre-cana, and ever since he's been totally on board.
Yes, because clearly, all the people on these boards alone who practice FAM/NFP and manage to not get pregnant until they want to must have something wrong with them.
P.S. My sister got pregnant on BCP. Twice. Just like with anything else, it's only as effective as you make it.
No real advice because my DH was on board with this from day one. But just wanted to say bravo to you for getting off of BC. I had SO many complications from the pill and once my cycles were back to normal (it took about 6 months) I have just felt amazing! Sex drive is the best its ever been, I found it easy to drop weight, energy level is back. Yeah it sucks having bad cramps again, heavier periods and not as smooth as skin, but its all worth it!
I'm definitely looking forward to an increase in sex drive and not retaining so much water and hopefully shrinking my boobs down!
I wanted to update...My FI isn't a monster or anything, he just doesn't "get" NFP and isn't fascinated enough by it to get through a book like TCOYF. I'm wondering if there is a website or something short that I could have him read. He's ready to have a baby now (NOT ME!), so he isn't worried about it being ineffective....Maybe with time and me being diligent about following the methods, he will see that it's effective by my not getting pregnant (despite the perception that it's a sure fire way to end up pregnant). Maybe also with an increase in sex-drive post pill he will be more excited about NFP!
Thanks for the encouragement and advice folks!
TCOYF has forums on their website, so maybe he can read things there.
I still say talk to a teaching couple so they can answer all of your questions. It is a husband and wife team who are there to help.
*PCOS bio* *Cold Hands, Warm Heart*
I started using FAM 2 years ago shortly after I got married. I had talked with my DH about it for a while before that because I was fed up with BC and the side effects.
At first he was a little bit unsure but he really trusted my decision. We used condoms for the first two months but then when I got used to charting and getting used to cycles and everything I felt more comfortable and now we only use them during fertile times.
Showing DH my charts and when I am fertile and not I think really helped with him feeling comfortable with FAM. Now he knows whats going too!
Good luck!!
BFP 1/22/12 | Ectopic pregnancy found 2/14/12 | Methotrexate to complete m/c 2/15/12
I'm in agreeance with the others, see if he has other ideas.
I must say I'm so glad to hear and see so many other people choosing NFP or FAM whatever you call it! I've been on YAZ for a year and have a plethora of problems from mood swings (which went away thankfully) and now I've been having incredible heartburn GERDS/gallbladder pain that I think my BC is the cause. So I'm thinking about trying NFP for several months to see if my GERDS, etc clear up.
I'm kind of scared about it. But it's reassuring to see so many couples who have used it for long periods of time.
Side note: how long did it take for your period to regulate when you switched from BC pill to NFP/FAM?
But back to the OP: Just talk with him. My DH is not catholic either and once he realize the pain that (we think) the pill was causing me, my health was more important. If he looks at it that way, then maybe it will change things. P.S. I'm also planning on using condoms as a backup plan at least for awhile until we get the hang of it.
My husband was pretty open to it, so no advice there. But get him involved, because if you think about it Men are fertile all the time, while a woman is only fertile a couple days a month.
My husband is the one who updates my information into the TYCOF softward. Its gotten to the point where he is usually the one to remind me when I'm going to start.