I just want to say something

tshott

Ok, so I know it's not going to be all puppies and rainbows around here all the time.  We've had our fair share of drama.  But I think that it's totally possible to be sensitive to the situation of others.  I try to be.  I think it was Dani who called me out on complaining about my job, so I try really hard not to anymore.  We all know the problems that some of us have around here.  And unless you've walked down the infertility journey, you have NO IDEA what it's like. 

I think we all just need to think twice about what we say before we type it.  While it may not offend you, it could offend somebody.  This is a smaller board and we're all pretty close so it really shouldn't be that hard.  There's no reason why people should be able to say whatever they want to say because it's in a chat forum and not in person.  If you wouldn't say it to somebody's face, why say it here just because you have the screen to hide behind. 

I'm really not trying to stir the pot.

goldenleaves

I agree, but I also think this should be a "safe haven" where we should be able to talk about things we don't feel comfortable talking about in real life (such as Mrs. Streff getting jumped all over for needing time to get excited about her pregnancy).

So I wholeheartedly agree with you, but I think it should go both ways.

tshott

I agree!  And in my defense, I did apologize for jumping all over her about her post about being pregnant.  The only thing that I had a problem with was the fact that she said she wasn't happy.  Would you go to the GP, TTGP, or TTTC board and claim to not be happy about getting pregnant.  Probably not!  Doing it here was equally rude. 

On the flipside, being scared, nervous, anxious, whatever is totally acceptable.  Helll, I'll be scared sh!tless when I finally get a BFP.  I'm going to be responsible for another life!!  Totally responsible.  That's scary. 

goldenleaves

tshott:

I agree!  And in my defense, I did apologize for jumping all over her about her post about being pregnant.  The only thing that I had a problem with was the fact that she said she wasn't happy.  Would you go to the GP, TTGP, or TTTC board and claim to not be happy about getting pregnant.  Probably not!  Doing it here was equally rude. 

On the flipside, being scared, nervous, anxious, whatever is totally acceptable.  Helll, I'll be scared sh!tless when I finally get a BFP.  I'm going to be responsible for another life!!  Totally responsible.  That's scary. 

Super scary!

In all honesty, I don't know if I think it's equally rude to post here about not being happy. While I can't personally identify with not being happy about a pregnancy (we didn't know if we'd be able to concieve, so Ryan just might be our miracle baby) I can empathize with shock bfp =/= happiness right away.

But believe me, I see your side too. Totally. I'm Switzerland here.

Oct08b2bee

You're not trying to stir the pot but you make a point to specifically call me out? Uh ok...

For the record I never called you out. I said that *people* on this board complain about their jobs all the time. "People" not "Tania."

tshott

I wasn't calling you out on what you said.  You had a valid point.  I shouldn't complain about my job when so many people don't have one.  That's the point that I was trying to make.  It took you calling me out on it to realize that I shouldn't be b!tching when life could be worse.  I'm glad you pointed it out to me and I try not to complain about it when it could offend someone here.

Oct08b2bee

Well if that's what you meant, fine, you're welcome then. I inititally read it another way though. Aside from that, let's be honest with ourselves, someone is always going to complain/be offended by something that someone says on this board. Some choose to speak up, some don't. Some share every bleeding thought in their head, while others are more conservative posters. We're all different.

GeorgiePorgie101208

Oct08b2bee:

Well if that's what you meant, fine, you're welcome then. I inititally read it another way though. Aside from that, let's be honest with ourselves, someone is always going to complain/be offended by something that someone says on this board. Some choose to speak up, some don't. Some share every bleeding thought in their head, while others are more conservative posters. We're all different.

 

true dat gf! 

Mitzzi23

We all have things in our lives that could cause us to be offended or hurt by other's posts.  You (the universal you) may read and react to a post differently because it is something you have dealt with or are currently dealing with.  For example, Amye reacted most to MrsStreff's comment about making her uterus contract while others have done worse.  MrsStreff didn't direct this towards Amye but because of Amye's situation she took it differently that say I did.  While it is not traditional/stereotypical to not be excited about being pregnant it is a very valid emotion when you are totally unprepared financially, emotionally, etc.  I'm sure there have been many people who have felt that at first.  However, those with IF couldn't ever imagine that feeling because of course they would do anything to get pregnant so when she posted that those with IF reacted differently.  People talk about their parents all the time.  Shyntrue posted the other day about her mom's 70th birthday.  I'm sure Pooks and I (and anyone else whose mom has died) would have loved if our mom's could have made it to 70.  Heck, I'm sure we would both like to have parents period but I'm not posting things saying that (sorry Pooks if I'm putting words in your mouth)  I said it before and I'll say it again, everyone has a story.  If we can't post things that might offend others then I don't think we will be posting much.   

Mitzzi23

I should add I know losing a parent is not as difficult as losing babies and I understand the difficulty with IF, not firsthand but through my sister.  I was simply using it as an example of the point I was trying to make.

FutureMrsNAH

Oct08b2bee:

Well if that's what you meant, fine, you're welcome then. I inititally read it another way though. Aside from that, let's be honest with ourselves, someone is always going to complain/be offended by something that someone says on this board. Some choose to speak up, some don't. Some share every bleeding thought in their head, while others are more conservative posters. We're all different.

FWIW Dani, I read it the way she explained meant it.?

And "this" to the bolded section. I haven't been offended yet but I don't speak up about a lot of things b/c its just not worth it most of the time.?

FutureMrsNAH

And I'm wondering if I missed something in the dd post....

Mouth*ofthe*South

I'm totally lost.

Rebekistan

Mouth*ofthe*South:

I'm totally lost.

See the post "pregnancy question ... help," where MrsStreff is looking for advice. http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/42382516.aspx

Amye DD'd all her responses in the post, though, so you can't see all of it. IDK what was written in her post that she DD'd after I responded to it, b/c I had to go. 

SSM&JLM

Hold the phone?  Really?  You know what if someone feels like they we're not the board they can turn to when they are having feelings that might be in "in line" with the norm, then we've messed up.  Sure we're like sisters and are going to say what we think and you know what I would rather read the harsh honest responses from you ladies.  Sometimes we all need that tough love.

And I've complained about my job, my IL's, DH possibly loosing his job, everyone wanting us to have a kid despite not feeling comfortable financially to pay for daycare, etc.  And gosh darnit, this is the place where I want to talk about those things.

So you know what, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.  We've all had someone call our bluff or tell us we need to look at something differently, but unless you're doing it in the spirit of love, then perhaps you do need to GBCOct08 b/c that's not what I think this board is about.

And if someone needs a shoulder to cry on, we should be there for them.  If someone is hurt, lost, happy or sad, we should be there for them.  Without judgement, without pity or jealously.

I love you ladies and we need to remember what brought us here together, planning the most wonderful day of our lives.  I feel lucky that we can share these moments following, for almost 2 years, so let's not forget that.

Mouth*ofthe*South

Ahhhh thanks Rebek! I missed all of Amye's responses so I was completely lost.

lissydee

I know I dont post that much as I used to on this board and as such, I miss out on a ton.  But what I have noticed that what could be of use here is for people not to take some other's situations/experiences/feelings or what have you so personally. 

Sure some people get pregnant more easily than others.  Or some people have jobs while others are struggling with being unemployed (hell, I am one of those who are jobless...and pregnant to boot.  awe.some).  But when people need to vent, or ask questions (no matter how stupid they may seem to some) is is not a personal attack/means of offense towards on those who are currently experiencing the opposite of the OP's situation is.  Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you and I think every one of us from time to time should take a moment, step back and put it all into perspective.

pila78

SSM&JLM:

Hold the phone?  Really?  You know what if someone feels like they we're not the board they can turn to when they are having feelings that might be in "in line" with the norm, then we've messed up.  Sure we're like sisters and are going to say what we think and you know what I would rather read the harsh honest responses from you ladies.  Sometimes we all need that tough love.

And I've complained about my job, my IL's, DH possibly loosing his job, everyone wanting us to have a kid despite not feeling comfortable financially to pay for daycare, etc.  And gosh darnit, this is the place where I want to talk about those things.

So you know what, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.  We've all had someone call our bluff or tell us we need to look at something differently, but unless you're doing it in the spirit of love, then perhaps you do need to GBCOct08 b/c that's not what I think this board is about.

And if someone needs a shoulder to cry on, we should be there for them.  If someone is hurt, lost, happy or sad, we should be there for them.  Without judgement, without pity or jealously.

I love you ladies and we need to remember what brought us here together, planning the most wonderful day of our lives.  I feel lucky that we can share these moments following, for almost 2 years, so let's not forget that.

Amen sista!!

MarJo03

Mitzzi23:

I should add I know losing a parent is not as difficult as losing babies and I understand the difficulty with IF, not firsthand but through my sister.  I was simply using it as an example of the point I was trying to make.

Ehh... I dunno if thats a true statement. I think they're both equally as hard, it just effects your heart differently. You anticipate from a young age that your parents are going to die before you, so you mentally start preparing for it. I dont think anyone prepares for their child to die before them so it's more of a shock. 

Now onto the rest of the post...

 People can type whatever the eff they want to here. Thats the point of an online community. And honestly, I dont think anyone here says anything that they wouldnt irl. Yes, its hard to hear about people getting pregnant easily when youre struggling, its also hard to hear about people getting promotions when you get laid off. I dont feel "censoring" our thoughts and questions because they may offend someone else is the way to go. 

Perhaps we should start labeling for pregnancy related so those of you who dont want to read can cruise right on by. But to not post about it at all is silly. Some people are at an all time low in their life, some are at an all time high. I'm not going to not talk about my massive promotion, when I'm super proud about it just because someone here is loosing theirs. Just like if I read something about someone getting knocked up, I wouldn't say "congrats." if I didn't mean. And I do think someone do... not naming names... cause really, if you were excited for them there would be an exclamation point. 

This is silly, people can post whatever they want, whenever they want. And shouldn't worry about hurting someone elses feelings. All the should worry about is the honest replies. And if youre emotions are getting in the way of your knowledge then maybe its a post you should be ignoring. But thats the readers discrection to reply, or pay attention to the post. Not the OPs.

 

Rebekistan

I'm sorry Tania, but I agree w/ MarJo and the rest of the ladies supporting a "post what you want, censor your reading if you need to" outlook. FWIW, I'd love to hear more about your work situation and your evil b!tch boss.

tshott

For the most part, I don't have a problem with what people post here.  I get irritated, as I'm sure others do, about some things that are posted.  And for the most part, I just fume to myself and move on.  There's really no point in creating drama about it.  I try not to be b!tchy on the board just because it's a chat forum because I'm not usually that b!tchy in person.  At least to anyone besides Drew.

I guess my heart just went out to Amye because she was very obviously affected by what Mrs. Streff posted.  As I think she had a right to be.  I mean, all signs pointed to the fact that drinking the tea would be a bad idea.  But at the same time, it says that drinking alcohol and smoking and loads of other stuff is bad while pregnant and people do it all the time.  I guess that I'm in the sitution that it's taking so much effort on my part to get pregnant that I'm going to do everything I can to protect the pregnancy.  That's just my feelings though and I know that not everyone feels the same, which is fine.

Mitzzi23

MarJo03:

Mitzzi23:

I should add I know losing a parent is not as difficult as losing babies and I understand the difficulty with IF, not firsthand but through my sister.  I was simply using it as an example of the point I was trying to make.

Ehh... I dunno if thats a true statement. I think they're both equally as hard, it just effects your heart differently. You anticipate from a young age that your parents are going to die before you, so you mentally start preparing for it. I dont think anyone prepares for their child to die before them so it's more of a shock. 

Very true, I still get upset from time to time and it has been almost 20 years! 

MarJo03

tshott:

For the most part, I don't have a problem with what people post here.  I get irritated, as I'm sure others do, about some things that are posted.  And for the most part, I just fume to myself and move on.  There's really no point in creating drama about it.  I try not to be b!tchy on the board just because it's a chat forum because I'm not usually that b!tchy in person.  At least to anyone besides Drew.

I guess my heart just went out to Amye because she was very obviously affected by what Mrs. Streff posted.  As I think she had a right to be.  I mean, all signs pointed to the fact that drinking the tea would be a bad idea.  But at the same time, it says that drinking alcohol and smoking and loads of other stuff is bad while pregnant and people do it all the time.  I guess that I'm in the sitution that it's taking so much effort on my part to get pregnant that I'm going to do everything I can to protect the pregnancy.  That's just my feelings though and I know that not everyone feels the same, which is fine.

And she did, you are entitled to feel however you feel, no matter how silly that feeling may be to outsiders. And youre entitled to state that feeling. But youre not entitled to continue to bash people, belittle them, attack them because of those feelings. You state your opinion, knowledge, and advice. And then move on. Coming back to attack people is immature. And not ok in my book.

Everyone here should know by now, if you start attacking someone on this board, no matter who it is, your probably going to get attacked back by others who are defending the person who's being attacked... in most circumstances. Obviously if it's animal/child neglect or abuse, the neglecter/abuser is going to be attacked by everyone. Is MrsStreffs case it wasn't abuse or neglect. It was a question that could go either way.