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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Life-Changing Events Poll
Obviously most of us have gone through some pretty big events in our lives - good things like graduating, moving out, getting married, getting a "real" job, having a child, etc. and bad things - breakup/divorce, losing a job, death of someone close to you, etc.
So I'm curious, what events in your life so far have had the most impact on you? How and why did your life change because of these events? How did you feel?
Re: Life-Changing Events Poll
Ok, so part of why I posted this is because I feel like I'm the only person who can't definitively say "xxx event completely changed my life".
I mean yeah, I've graduated HS & college, I've bought my own house and I've gotten married. I've had breakups and I've switched jobs and had friendships start and end... and the list goes on.
Of course I know that all of those things have changed and shaped me in one way or another, but never have I really "felt" the change. Things just happen, and I just keep on rolling. Most things just don't even phase me at all. *shrug* I almost feel cheated or something, or maybe like my feelings are broken, lol.
1) Deciding to move out of my house at 17 after calling the police on my mom...that all got the ball rolling on me graduating a year early and getting the heck out of dodge! It was horrible at the time, and I often wonder "what if" I would've completed my senior year (or if I could've even survived it)
2) Going to S.C. after my freshman year at Wright State. This beyond impacted me socially and mentally. Can you say "wake up call"?
3) Going to Semester at Sea my junior year of college. This event completely tested my independence and "survival" skills as well as opening my eyes to the rest of the world. It made me much closer to DH (then we were just dating) as well as catapulting me into studying more sociology and history which led me to teaching.
The biggest life changing event in my life was B being sick. I learned alot from it...I am a stronger person from it too. It tested my faith and made it stronger (I truly believe everyones prayers helped
. I learned there truly are good people out there to support others when they most need it. I discovered a passion for caring for others. I realized how deeply I care for my family and need them. I learned joe and I's strengths and weaknesses through it all too. I'm sad we had to go through it but glad we gained a new perspective on life I guess you could say.
Our lives changed by me knowing I can speak up about stuff that I often probaby wouldnt have. It made me a better mom and a better wife. It got us closer to our church and to our faith.
I kinda feel this way too. I am sure having the baby will change that... but getting married/buying a house I don't think has changed me as a person all that much. It all seemed to happen very naturally.
If anything dating/breaking up w my high school boyfriend had a bigger impact on me that anything else. I was young and niaeve and came out of the relationship a little bitter and cynical. He didn't cheat but he lied and I found out just before and much more just after we split up that he was using a lot of drugs and lying through his teeth. I knew he smoked pot and he told me that was all and I found out differently at the end.
I don't think I have had to change who/what I am to be with Chase and that's part of what makes our relationship work. He wants me to be me and to be happy and to have friends and do things with them and he doesn't try to stand in my way. Sure, I don't see them as much as I did 5 or 6 years ago but I think that's just part of growing up, I don't think I could keep up with the lifestyle I had 5 years ago. Some days it makes me tired just thinking about it.
Probably the most life-changing event that I have ever experienced was when my dad died. It is a lot of responsibility and guilt knowing that you had a part in making the decision to take you loved one off of life support. And at 18-19 years old that was a moment that I wish to this day could have been different.
Being a parent, having a child was life altering, but I feel like the PP that it feels natural, though the PPD and wound vac and all that I will never ever forget.
I would have to say that motherhood is the biggest change in my life so far. The week I spent in the hospital during and following delivery due to my preeclampsia was probably the toughest time for me emotionally. I was scared for my life and the baby's life during labor. When they had to line my hospital bed with pillows so I wouldn't hurt myself *in case* I had a seizure, I realized I was seriously sick and was terrified. After delivery, I had to stay in the hospital for a week before my BP's stabalized. It was agony. I had a newborn baby, and I was chained to my hospital bed. My husband had to come to the hospital to visit his new family.
When someone asks if I'm ready for another one, I want to punch them. I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to go through that again.
I think the biggest life changing event for me was the death of my SIL, Connie. She passed away October 8, 2008 at the young age of 30 to Cervical Cancer. Seeing what cancer can do to someone was the most awful thing I have ever witnessed. Yes, we all die at some point. I like to think when I much older and my kids are raised and old themselves. She found out she had stage 4 cancer and was given less then a year to live. She went to the doctor because her legs were swollen. What do you do when you hear those words? It made me realize that life is so short and can be taken from you in an instant. Cancer can destroy anyone and at any time. She did die with in the year. A young life just gone. I do not let the little things get to me anymore. I feel I am a happy person and don't let other people get me down.I don't complain about stupid stuff. If my baby is up all night, well at least I am here to rock her to sleep. If my kids are refusing to eat their dinner, that's okay too, there is always tomorrow. My 3 year old wants to sleep in my bed well I'll deal with that too. At least she has a mommy to snuggle with. I could go on and on!
) Live every day like it is your last.
dropping by to say hi and post quickly but really busy
I don't think I've had a "life-changing" event that has changed me completely either. I think I went through a lot during college and after that has shaped who and how I am today.
Some things I've gone thru:
- parents divorced late in hs
- moved 4 times during college
- grandpa died
- brother got sick and had open heart surgery, he was mid-20s
- held several part time jobs and worked full time
- got married
I feel on the cusp of changing my life, but haven't taken the plunge. I think it's going to be up to me to make something happen instead of life throwing something at me and making me deal w/it in order to experience a life altering moment.
Ditto this... nothing really changed my life forever... aside from a new last name after getting married. DH and I were together for so long before we got married that the actual marriage/wedding weren't really that life-changing for us - our lives are exactly the same as they were before.
I did get into some trouble with the law when I was in college (stupid mistake) and that changed my life for a while, but I believe it made me who I am today and I don't regret it but I don't think it really changed me...
Merin, when you said "things just happen and I just keep on rolling" - that's exactly how I feel. Sometimes, I think feeling that way is a bad thing because it means I'm basically just going through the motions of life, but I'm also a really chill/mellow person, so I think feeling that way is just in my nature. I definitely know what you mean about thinking your feelings are broken, lol. I'm just not that affected by too many things...
The one thing that has changed my life the most was when my dad passed away. I went from going to school, working and taking care of him to just working. It's hard for me to hear people talk about all the exciting things they still get to do with their dads, cause mine isn't around. There are still days I want to pick up the phone and call him for advice. Watching him die was the worse thing ever, but I think that also made me who I am today.
I think this divorce is also another life changing event. I vowed for better or for worse and when my marriage was at its worse, he went running scared. I can say I'm not perfect and there were mistakes, but I was learning from them and doing everything I could. Having experience this kinda young stinks, but again it has help me become who I am today
This summer we were successful in getting pregnant again but unfortunately (and an extremely long story), we had to end the pregnancy because baby didn't implant itself in a good spot. If the pregnancy had continued, the baby would not have made it and my uterus would have burst causing a chain of events.
We wanted another baby because we feel strongly about Sloane having at least one more sibling. Now, we are not even sure we can have more kids. We are meeting with specialists in Ann Arbor (U of M) next month to get some answers. Never in a million years did I think that I would only have one child. Don't get me wrong. We are blessed to have Sloane and especially since this summer, we are oh so thankful that she is happy and healthy. We are so lucky to have such a neat little girl. We just never dreamed we would only have one.
It breaks my heart that my body has done this to us. Mostly, I feel bad for my husband. I know, you can tell me time and time again that it's not my fault, there is nothing I could have done, yada yada, yada. The thing is, I know this. But, I still can't help feeling the way I do. He is such a great guy and his dad took off and never came back.
It just gives me new perspective. You know people who only have one child and maybe think, "why would you have just one? don't you want your kid to have a brother or sister?". Thing is....maybe it wasn't their choice to have only one. Maybe, that decision was made for them. Helps me not to judge.
This exactly!!! Seriously! It's good to hear from someone else who is the same. I always feel like a weirdo or something because almost nothing really affects me much at all!
It does seem like several of us can't really pinpoint big life-changing events though, so that's comforting as well. I always seem to hear about people who DO have those big events and I feel like I'm missing out or something, hah.
((((hugs))))
That has to be so hard! I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that the specialists may be able to help.
I agree that everyone, if you look hard enough, will find 5 moments in your life that completely changed you into who you are today. My 5 are:
1. Divorce of my parents: Forced me to grow up quickly as I had to really take over when my mom was forced to go back to work. It taught me compassion and empathy.
2. Birth of my kids: complete change in my outlook on life...basically made me become a yuppie. Life was not about me anymore...My job is to take care of them and guide them.
3. Watched a little boy get hit by a car and I sat with him until paramedics arrived. He died at St. V's 8 hours later: I was working at an animal hospital at the time and kept thinking if this had been a dog...I'd know how to help him. But it was a boy...and I couldn't do anything but try to keep him talking to me. The next day I registered for classes and am now an RN.
4. Divorce from my first husband: Needed to rediscover who I was as a person and discovered that I'm really strong, smart, and capable in anything I choose to attempt.
5. The death of my father. He passed away June 2009. That event is still shaping me today. So far it has changed my priorities in life...reminded me how precious each day is, that nothing is more important than your family, and it has made me re-evaluate everything I was in terms of my spirituality.
I know exactly how you felt and feel, but I was only in for a week total. They were going to send me home after 2 days because my bps were so good after they took the baby. Right after the dr. said I could go home, I started to not feel good and my bp went up to 180/110 and back on the mag I went and was in for another 3 days. I would love for Alexandria to have a sibling, but at the same time, I don't want to die trying to have another baby and miss out on her.
My father died when I was 5. Then my mom dated a guy for 13 years who lived with us for most of those years. When I was 19 he came on to me one night when my mom wasn't home. My mom was always a strong, independent women, and raised me to be one too. She believed me when I told her about the idiot and dropped him as soon as I told her what happened.
I had a friend die in HS from cancer and that was really hard to deal with. I've had many family members (aunts, uncles, cousins) pass, with most being due to cancer. My brother had his eye removed due to cancer in his early 30's, my sister had skin cancer in her early 40's and as most, if not all of you know my mom has had stage 4 lung cancer for 4 years (she never smoked a day in her life). Dealing with my moms cancer is so hard. She has been all I ever had and we are very close. I don't know what I am going to do when she is no longer here. Cancer scares the hell out of me and I just wish they could find a cure.
Then we have the preeclampia and the baby weighing less then 2 lbs. It was all so scary and I am so happy and thankful to have A. It drove me crazy to see mom in recovery with pissed off looks on their faces because their baby wanted to eat again or was crying, while I didn't even know if my baby was going to survive! A is a really good baby but if she does fuss, it doesn't bother me/I don't get upset because I am just so grateful that she is alive to be able to be fussy now and then.
I definately feel like I've had life changing events. So much one year that my sister, who worked in a doctors office, said that I had so many things contribute stress to my life at once that I probably knocked 5-10 years off my life. Um - yeah - thanks sis - just what I needed to hear.
Anyway, when I was in my early 20's my mom died suddenly in a car accident. Most of the time I don't like to tell people how she died because they just get such this look on their face and I can tell they don't know what to say. So I mostly just say you passed away. Anyway, I still lived at home and up until then my family was a typically (to me) normal family. My father was retired at the time and my oldest brother still lived there. There is no way to explain what happens to you when something like this happens. It's like a punch in the gut and knocks you to your knees. I was employed in a factory at that time and I worked 3rd shift because I was trying to earn some $$$ to go back to school. I happened to wake up because I needed a drink of water and I will never forget. My father tells me that my mom was in an accident and I was expecting him to tell me she was in the hospital, so I said well is she okay, where is she. Then the life changing moment - she didn't make it. I've heard that there were moments when a split second changes your life - but up until then I never experienced anything like it. But, that was my moment. That's the moment where my life changed so dramatically in a way I can't explain. This I would never wish on anyone, not even on my worst enemy.
It was about a month or two after that where I just couldn't at home anymore. Everywhere I looked there - I was faced with the fact that my mom was NEVER coming back. I would never be able to sit and talk to her about my day or ask her for some much needed advice. I cried and was depressed EVERY single day while I lived there. I just couldn't be there and find comfort. So I ended up moving out. I got a small apartment by myself. I was finally independent. I was starting to feel like I was going to be okay. Then the ball was dropped again. It was about a month after I moved into my new apartment that - I get a call. My sister was trying to get ahold of me but couldn't so she just left me a VM. I was completely alone at my apartment listening to my sister talking on my answering machine telling me my best friend from HS was in a car accident and her and her sister were killed. Here I was - no mother, no best friend, I can't explain how alone I felt. I pretty much was in a daze for awhile because of all this - I'd go to work and come home and sleep. Week after week I kinda just drifted through my life.
I often refer to that year as the worst year of my life - but when I actually think about it - I somehow gained strength. No, there is no way to prepare youself for anything like that - but somehow I grew stronger because of it. Unfortunately - I grew a bit more shy too, because I just didn't know how to be in a world without my mom and my best friend. I felt lost. In the end though it's the strength that seems to help me get thru the tough stuff that life has to offer. Although - I still wouldn't wish that on anyone.